Looking after grandchild - favour of not?

[Mangomammy]

Interested to know peoples views on grandparents looking after grandchildren on a regular basis. Do you see this as a favour, or is it expected because it’s family?

I look after mine a lot. It’s neither a favour or because I have to. I want to.

If they haven't asked to be part of your regular childcare routine, it's a favour to you.

I have mine one day and overnight a week. I need my fix.

It is neither a favour nor expected. I love that child more than life itself.

As a parent, I never expected the grandparents to care for my children. They never did do anyway. I think it is a bit entitled for parents to expect grandparents to provide child care.

Absolutely zero expectation. MIL offers occasionally so does the very odd bit of babysitting in an emergency. I prefer to pay for childcare, keeps everything simple.

I see it as a favour to the parents . I had mine today for 4 hours and took them out twice last week

No I didn't automatically expect my parents to help out. They do, but as a favor and I usually wait until they offer rather than ask/expect

Never expected it but was offered and happily accepted. Give money for activities and food etc too to make sure they're not out of pocket.

My DM told me in no uncertain terms that she wanted to be Granny and not a childminder.
I can see where she was coming from.

I would walk over hot coals if it was needed, to look after my granddaughter. She's my little soulmate and I love her more than any other living thing...no 'favours' here, it's pure love ❤️

It was an very appreciated favour, and made a world of difference to is. I am very grateful for the help we had, and would be happy to provide the same if mine have children some day.

Our family is a mix of both, partly it's a favour when I have appointments etc and sometimes we are offered.
It has caused arguments in the past because I suppose I always expected that that is what grandparents do, that they enjoy it.
The grandparent in question doesnt work and never has, I have been absolutely ill with mental health problems in the past and then accused of being a user when I begged for help.
Things have changed now, probably because the children are older and it's easier to have them, but sometimes I am made to feel as though I am taking the piss (is 2 nights rather than 1 a piss take? Or an extra hour so I can go shopping for food alone?)

When i am a grandparent I have promised my children I will support them if then need me. I would do it because of love for my child and wanting them to still enjoy their life a bit/ save them money on childcare

My in-laws offered to look after DD1 for one day a week when I returned to work following mat leave. I never expected it or took it for granted - it’s always been very much appreciated and I stressed to them that if it ever got too much at any point then they just had to say.

The irony is that they complain that they never had support when we were little and they had to struggle on alone

I was hugely grateful that my mum had mine for 2 or 3 days a week. Not only did it save me a fortune in childcare but I knew they were in the best possible hands. Whenever I thanked her she assured me it was her pleasure, and she certainly did the most lovely activities with them. I very much hope that in the future I will be able to carry on that favour for my own children

I don’t know anyone whose circumstances meant it was possible to do this, as grandparents all lived too far away to regularly look after the grandchildren. I would never see it as expected though..

Depends on the set up and discussions beforehand.

When pregnant we had discussed with both sets of grandparents, 1 had dc 1 day a week and the other 2 days per week when I went back to work 3 days per week. All agreed/ discussed lots.

Less than 4 weeks before my return date grandparents of 2 days changed the arrangements where they'd previously agreed and suggested they come to dc's home as all equipment etc there and had visited regularly to join us and learn new walks/ baby groups etc. They decided if they took dc I'd need to cart all the equipment (highchair, pushchair, toys etc) along with baby, over to them before my work day then after work collect it all up again. Worst bit was they said they still need to work (shop owners, shop has managers/ staff) but they visit often. They said they'd be taking baby to their work with them most days and if they're dealing with an important/ regular customer it's ok as the staff can watch dc

At that point I found a childminder for those 2 days. Other grandparent is a dream, nothing is too much but I don't take the p*ss and when they have done a big ask like a 7am start or the very rare overnight as they refuse payment we take them for a nice meal or buy a nice gift.

Some people presume grandparents will provide free childcare which is unfair.

Communication is key!!

Nobody should be expected to provide childcare except the parents. Every family's situation is different and sometimes grandparents providing childcare works for all concerned, and sometimes it doesn't, but grandparents are under no obligation to look after the children if they don't want to.

It should never be expected. People need to accept what others are prepared to offer which may mean nothing at all.

I'm pretty lucky in that I have both sets of grandparents who'd have mine at the drop of a hat.

My lot would have them move in.

Sorry for drip feeling!

Of course the grandparent in question loves grandchild and loves spending time with them. He’d do anything for his children/ grandchildren.

Child parent has them every other weekend - but works away so is only home for one of those weekends. Grandparent (who also works full time) has managed to arrange a longer day during the week to pick up grandchild from school on Friday then has grandchild till the Sunday night (basically having grandchild as much as the parent).

Grandparent asked his own child (grandchild’s parent) for a favour, a few hours of help to move some furniture, child was arse-y about it. Another family member pointed out that grandparent looks after grandchild a lot so doing them a favour back isn’t unreasonable. Child is now fuming at other family member and their parent because looking after their child isn’t a “favour”.

Also depends how old they are, I didn't have kids until my 40s so my parents and IL are sweet but an actual safeguarding impossibility!

If the parent has asked the grandparents to do it it's a favour, if grandparents have asked to have the DC it's not. I've never expected others to look after DC unless it was part of a paid for childcare arrangement. Why should grandparents rearrange their lives to look after grandkids, they have done their child rearing years and should be able to just have the good bits.

Definantly a Favour, and child was definantly out of order not helping his parents. If I was grandparents, I’d be reconsidering whether to help my ungrateful child!

Definitely a favour but in this situation I can see the grandparent wanting to spend time with DGC.

I'd wonder what kind of ingrate I'd raised!