Aupair employers - when does the weekend start for yours? and other questions...

[laura032004]

I'm struggling a bit with this. Our ap is great, and does whatever I ask, but I'm loathe to ask for some things for fear of seeming unreasonable. If you lot can tell me it's standard practise, I'll feel a lot more confident

We're working on a 25hrs per week contract. So 5 hours per day Monday - Friday. I would say I ask her to do nowhere near that amount of hours 'work'. However, I'm more or less happy with that, as she does lend a hand at other times too. I had envisaged her working 9-11 then 4.30-7.30, but it isn't really working out that way. She has language classes two mornings a week so leaves the house at 8am on those days. She doesn't get back until 1pm at the earliest, and I've said she's free to go to the gym afterwards, so I can't really expect her back much before 3pm. She also has a class on evening per week, so leaves at 5pm latest for that, but again, I've said tag going to the gym onto the class, so she'll probably leave at 3pmish. So basically I'm losing her for 3 of my 'sessions' per week. Also, the last two weeks, she has gone out on a Friday evening (I've said that's fine btw, as I didn't know what else to say), but that means I lose another sessions help. So out of 10, I'm actually getting 6.

I'm a SAHM, so I only really ask her to tidy the kitchen twice a day, hoover and tidy downstairs twice a day, and then another task of about half an hour once a day (clean bathroom, change DS's sheets, hoover upstairs, iron 5 shirts, mop kitchen floor). That's not too strenous is it? But I can't leave the kitchen on the times she's not around, so I'm doing that myself. Same with tidying and hoovering.

So what do I do? Can I say she can't go out on a Friday until 7.30pm? (I'd be happy to negotiate to say 7pm) What about the other days? Would you ask her to tidy the kitchen before she goes out in a morning? There's not really much to do, but it just grates a bit when I end up doing it.

Feel free to say if I'm being unreasonable? She's also contracted for 2 nights per week babysitting, but we're unlikely to use more than one night per month.

erm, ignore that not exploitative!

I'm a little confused here - you're a SAHM and need an au pair to help around the house. Surely it would be easier to get a cleaner in for a few hours a day?

Just wanted to chip in to agree that au pairs are NOT there to just help with children, they are most definitely there to help around the house!

Afraid I disagree with you too Anna. Every ap I've ever known does housework, as well as a bit of playing with the kids.

The problem is that the term au pair is now bandied around by people who essentially want a nanny on an au pair wage.

And definitions of an au pair:
"The au pair helps the family with childcare, housework, or both while staying as a guest of the family and generally receiving a small allowance (or pocket money)."

"Whilst living with a family, an au pair participates not only in childcare but also in other related activities, ranging from light housework to babysitting, or even helps older children develop particular skills (such as learning a new language or sport)."

"An international agreement, signed by several countries, says that an au pair is a person who joins a host family to help around the house and look after children. In return the au pair is to receive board and lodgings plus pocket money and must also be given the opportunity to study the language and culture of the host country."

Certainly the au pairs we had when I was younger were treated as part of the family and that involved being a big sister (or brother, but we never had a male au pair) to me and my siblings, and helping with the chores, including laundry, cooking and cleaning. So in the kitchen my mother cooked, my brother set the table for meals, my sister cleared away, I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, au pair wiped down surfaces and floor. Simple sharing of duties in the playroom, bedrooms and bathroom. Cleaning is part and parcel of being an au pair.

It's not like Laura's au pair never spends time with the children! She just rarely has sole charge of them. And that in my view IS normal.

The bit explaining about the international agreement is here

Intrigued by anna's passing reference to the Council of Europe's European Agreement on Au Pair Placement 1969, I did a little digging around.

It was only ratified by 5 states, UK not included.

Read more from this page from the European Committee for Social Cohesion:

"3. At the outset, the CDCS would like to stress that the employment of an au pair is intended primarily to promote cultural exchange between young people and very rarely leads to situations of domestic slavery, despite the occasional cases of abuse that have been reported.

The European Agreement on Au Pair Placement dates from 1969. It contains provisions ? now obsolete ? on the relations between the host family and the au pair. In view of the small number of ratifications (five member states), the CDCS began by considering whether it would be worth revising and updating the Agreement. The replies to the questionnaires it sent to all the members showed that this question excited little political interest and that very few states would ratify the Agreement even if it were altered."

In any case the convention takes the view that an aupair shares the same duties in childcare and home maintenance like every one in the host family house, so it does not rule out housework. I am afraid, anna, it is not as black-and-white as you put it.

Wow! Things have moved on a bit since this morning!

In answer to branflake - I think I said this further up the thread? - I have employed (?) an aupair (am I an employer?), because my DH works away - for up to 6 months at a time (so he won't come home at all during this time). I live far from family, and as I don't want to depend only on friends to help out when I need extra help, an aupair is filling our needs really well. I do struggle at the moment with cleaning and housekeeping as I have a v.clingy & unhelpful DS2. I also work in the evenings from home, so no time then.

Anna - if ap's aren't meant to be doing any non-child related work, then how have all the agencies, and websites regarding ap's got it wrong? I've seen some that say ap's must not clean toilets, so I'm adhering to that (also because DS1 is prone to wee on the floor a bit still!), but apparently anything else is fairgame. At the end of the day, I'm happy, she's happy, no-one's being exploited - surely there's no problems. I'm sure that there are exploitative situations round the country, but surely the ap is free to leave if they're not happy? If they're not free to leave, then it's a different issue entirely and they are domestic slaves. That is a criminal offence, and a long way from your average ap set-up!

No you're not an employer because your ap is treated as part of the family. That's the official stance.

Blimey!...I go to work for a day and look what happens! Anna spouts some pompous rubbish!
Honestly!!!!!!... Every au pair and family is different and as long as terms and conditions have been discussed and agreed to, then everyone is happy which is surely the idea of an exchange !
I personally ask for a lot from my AP, she does most of the cleaning and has sole responsibility for my ds's a couple of days a week... however I pay her a lot, she has her own car, her own flat, petrol money, time to study for an NVQ including working in a nursery, 2 days a week a college and loads of time off! Exploitation! I don't think so!