Big Decision to Make - Help!

[PoisonIvy2021]

I am pregnant with my first child due in January and I live in London. My father and sister live in Stoke on Trent. My marriage broke down due to an emotionally abusive partner and he has since stated he will not want anything to do with us. I lost many of my friends through this as he was quite charming on the surface and they liked him. I now feel quite isolated and lonely.
I have a good job but the maternity pay is only statutory and would not even cover my rent. I am a university lecturer but the university I work for is not the best and I don't think career development is available. I have recently inherited some money and I need to decide what to do with it.
I can use the inheritance to top up my maternity pay until little one is 6 months old and cover nursery fees. Little one would be in the nursery for 10 hours a day, 28 weeks a year until school. I would have some savings left over that I could use towards a house deposit in the future (not enough for a deposit in London or within commuting distance).
Or
I can use all the inheritance to support myself for 4 years, move back to Stoke as it is much cheaper and be with my family. I could raise little one myself and have some support network. When little one turns one, I could start a PhD as this is something that will help my long-term job security a lot and study time is flexible. I completed my masters when working 60 hours a week so I am confident I could achieve it. But all the inheritance would be gone.

I wanted to buy a house in London but that is not possible as topping up my maternity pay and nursery fees would take most of the money. But I would still have some savings for a rainy day.

What would you do?

Thank you!

Do you like Stoke on Trent?
Would you live with family /rent/buy?

I’d get out of London if I were you

Bin85 - I ike Stoke on Trent, it has a bad reputation but my family lives on the nicer countryside outskirts, not the deprived centre. I would need to rent if I was going to support myself for 4 years. I would not be able to but as well. I couldn't afford it and would not have a job.

I would also do the second option - it sounds like a much nice life for your little one (family support) and you (phd).

I have family who live in Stoke on Trent and as you know there are lovely areas nearby. You'd also be in a great position to make friends with a little one so I would think now would be a great time to move back up north.

Back to Stoke and before the baby is born so he can’t stop you leaving.

Family support is invaluable and you won’t get that where you are.

I know what you mean about Stoke not being great (used to live in Barlaston) but there are some lovely local areas that are great for raising a family.

Thank you all. I was worried moving to Stoke would be irresponsible but in my heart, it is the option that I would prefer!

Go 'home'. It will be so much easier for you in the long run with family near by, and you'll be able to do the study you want to do while being with your little one so much more than you would be able to in London. You can always change your plans along the way too and work if you want to, plus renting/buying will be more affordable there.

Do apply for PhDs this November. It can take time to get funding and there is often a long lag between applications and starting. Email likely PhD supervisors to see what is available.

First off…… Are you Okay? Are you safe?
I was married to a very emotionally and physically abusive man. However the physical stuff I’ve recovered from, the emotional abuse has really scarred me. So understand how soul crushing that is. It’s funny how some can charm others, and be seen are the good guy!
Secondly….. Congratulations 👩‍🍼

You made a comment that it’s irresponsible do you go back to where your family are, …why’s that? As much as it’s hard being a single mama, it’s harder in an abusive relationship. So my advice is to get away as far as possible from him. He might say now while you are pregnant he doesn’t want anything to do with both of you. BUT He might change his mind. So living far away from him will make it harder for him to be in your life. But I’d let legal advice on that if I was you. I’m not sure of the UK laws.
At the end of the day you need to make the decision that feels right for you.
However, from my own Personal experience my family support is what got me through the hard times of being a single mum.
You can move back to London any time in your life. However your child will only be little once and take it from me the time goes fast.
Questions you could consider?
Where could you live that would save you the most money and give you more time with your child?
Can you study there, could you get work there?
Whereever you end up, Ask your maternal health Practitioner for local mums groups the new mums?
All the best x