Should I send my son to his dads if he is poorly?

[mandhmummy23]

So, my son who is 5years old is currently not very well, ear infection and a little bit of a temp.
He has regular weekend stays at his fathers, going there every other weekend.
I believe his dad is completely capable of looking after him as he has done in the past such as making sure he has his meds and checking his temp.
But my mum is saying my son should stay at home with me and my response was why? His dad can handle it just as well as me, she said because when your separated from your partner that's what happens the child should stay with you if poorly. And when your separated that's just life.
I replied with well that's not fair. He should have to deal with all the shit stuff that comes with parenting too, he's just as much my sons parent as I am.
So basically am I wrong for sending him there when he is poorly? Should he be staying at home with me?

Where does your son want to be?

@MotionActivatedDog

Where does your son want to be?

He wants to go to his fathers house.

Which I've also explained to my mother, but she said "well he's a child and if he's poorly and needs to stay at home, tell him he can't" 🤦‍♀️

But what she's not getting is I don't feel like just because he's poorly he shouldn't go to his dads. His dad should have to go through the same things I have to as a parent.

Also his dad only lives a 10minute drive from me so not as though he's going to be hours away.

Not her decision to make, if your son wants to still go then he should go.

If he wants to do go he should go x

If he wants to go, then it's totally fine.
And yes I agree it shouldn't always be left to the mothers to take care of poorly children.
Hope he feels better soon and enjoy your weekend!

Then he should be at his dads.

@pinkmoon18

If he wants to go, then it's totally fine. And yes I agree it shouldn't always be left to the mothers to take care of poorly children. Hope he feels better soon and enjoy your weekend!

This is exactly how I feel, his dad lives 10minutes away and only has him for one weekend ever two weeks, I've made comments to my mum that I feel he should be seeing our son more and her response is always well your separated and that's what happens when your not with the dad of your child and to just deal with it. He is a parent just as much as I am and my son loves his dad and spending time with him so much. So why shouldn't he see his son more, or look after him when he's poorly. It just baffles me how she is like this.

Thankyou so much for reassuring me

It’s quite insulting of your mum to your ex partner to suggest he shoudnt go there when ill. DSD would come to ours when ill unless she wanted to stay with her mum which we understood as she just wanted her mum at times

I wonder whether there are other things at play here. Apologies if I am totally off the mark.
Firstly in my (?our) parents generation it would've been the mother's role to look after the sick child. Also with separation in years gone by I guess men were far more hands off. I wonder whether she is just drawing on that and feels uncomfortable with the thought of the father providing this care.
Secondly I wonder if there is a bit of projection/you have hit a nerve on her part about caring for her children when they were small and sick? Or that she feels her own sense of anxiety at being separated from a sick child?

These I guess are my own experiences...(my mother would probably raise an eyebrow too, but my exH is very capable whereas my father would not have been quite so on the ball when I was little and poorly I reckon)

Either way as a 'co-parent' myself i fully expect my DC's dad to take the children on his days even if they are sick. The exceptions would be if they were too poorly to move, or they expressed a wish to stay in their bed at home with me, in which case I wouldn't turf them out.

Hope your DS is better soon!

I'd send him if your ex and son wanted it

Def send him if ss wants to go

Why should mums deal with the illness and dad all the fun times

It almost sounds like she's trying to punish/chastise you for not being with his father? Very odd. Of course he should go to his dad's, surely it's equally his home, so he'll still be 'at home' while he's poorly?

A very old fashioned opinion of your mother's, let him go where he wants its not like you don't think dad could cope. Sounds like she thinks it's a woman's role even if you were together.