Difficult money loss/theft issue - what would you do?

[lisalisa]

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Oooh tough one. I'd not accuse nanny outright but srop it into conversation "£40 of DD's birthday money is missing from her new blue purse, she's really devastated". Then keep the blue purse visible were the nanny can see it and if the nanny has a heart she will replace it by slipping the money back in the purse. Also, is there any way DS could have put the money in the bin or down the toilet or something like that were you would never see the money again?

It's a tricky one because with so many other people in the house you cannot be sure what has happened to the money.

I would perhaps put it down to experience because it is unfair to accuse someone of theft if you have no evidence. By the sounds of it your nanny is not having a great time of it at the moment so I would perhaps tread carefully.

Of course you will have to keep an eye on things and it may be wise not to leave any money lying around. Why don't you ust get into the habit of asking her for the change? That way she can't keep it.

Sorry don't have any real experience with this kind of thing but do appreciate that its a tricky situation.

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I think you have to give your 11yo the money - afterall it's not her fault. But I would buy her a padlocked money tin and it goes on a high shelf where siblings can't get it.

I think you have to write this occasion off as experience and not leave money lying around again. I think you need to bring in the reins financially on the nanny - so don't wait for the next trip for change to be spent but ask for receipts and change at the end of each day - I expect this of my au pair not because I distrust her but I like to know where my money is going. She has no problem spending what's necessary, getting a receipt and handing it over with the change. So don't accuse her, but tighten your ship and keep a closer eye on things.

i would leave £5 in one of the childrens pockets (assuming the nanny does the childrens laundry) and see if she gives it back to you.

I would ask the Nanny if she's seen the blue purse anywhere - without volunteering that there was money in it or how much. You might be able to tell something from her reaction, and children do misplace things all the time, so it's perfectly reasonable to ask her if she's seen it.

Hopefully it will just turn up, but it is horrible when money goes missing..

i'd definately replace the money as it's not your dd's fault it has gone missing - i'd prob. keep wittrering on to nanny about where it can of got to !!but if she did take it it's hardly likely she's going to admit it
i'd also suggest that next time you should look after money gifts yourself esp. with other dc riffleing through each others stuff

i'm very strict about respect for each others privacy though i know that is hard with toddlers

It's a horrible feeling when you can't trust the people around you. The poster who said put £5 in your daughters pocket had a good idea, but ultimately, if she takes it, this only proves that she took the £5 not the £40.

You cannot know for sure who took the money so you cannot accuse anyone of doing so. Refund the money for your daughter and unfortunately it looks as though you can't leave money out around your own home any more. Horrible for you.

Given the ages of your other children its very unlikely they are responsible as you would have found it lying around by now - they would have no understanding of its value. I sympathise, I had an experience of dishonesty with an unqualified nanny earlier this year. In the end I asked her to leave after explaining why. I did have proof I was satisfied with. I had been prepared to be sympathetic but she simply denied it and promptly left without any protest (didnt behave at all like a wrongly accused person would).
I agree you have to write it down to experience, and teach your daughter to put money away carefully out of reach (and you replace it of course)

if really unsure I would do the five pound test. if the money dissapeared and nanny did not tell me she had found it i would sack immediatly.

afterall she has access to your jewlery, credit cards, passport and other documents, all of which can be sold for a price or used in fraud.

We had our suspicions about someone once (which all turned out to be true ).

the plan my husband had at one point was to write down the serial number of a £10 note and leave it somewhere whilst we were in the house but where it could be found/pilfered fairly easily. Plan was to check regularly then as soon as we knew it was gone to sneakily through wallet to see if it was there. This would remove any uncertainty. DH's justification in suggesting sneaking through her bag was that it would be so much worse to accuse her with no evidence or ask her to empty her bag... Saying that I'm a wimp it all went against my personal principles so I never actually had the guts to follow through.

Anyway, regardless of what you decide to do you have my sympathy - it is such a horrible position to be in and you feel kind of grubby yourself for thinking bad about other people. Not nice.

Tell her it's gone missing and your dd is devestated and ask her to help you turn the house upside down for it.

Carry on searching together and go on about how upset your dd is and how much she was looking forward to using that money.