Worried about DC's reaction to getting a nanny and return to work

[sleepdeprived72]

Well actually I think my 9 month old will be fine but my DS1 is a real concern. He is 2yrs 9 months. I worked PT when he was 11 months to being 20 months old but he doesn't remember this and was looked after by my mum. I had a nanny for a month when DS2 was 8 wks old and DH was working away from home which did not work well. When the nanny came into the house he used to run over to me and say "don't worry mummy" (which used to break my heart)and then never leave my side. He is quite sensitive and a bit of a worrier. I am planning for the nanny to start 3 weeks before I return to work. Think it is also influencing my selection criteria for hiring a nanny. I find myself saying things to nanny agencies like "I don't really care about anything else as long as he is happy" which I know is a stupid thing to say. Am begining to wonder if the whole return to work thing is worth it (as can afford to stay at home) but feel I need something else for my sanity. Any advice?? Can't help wondering if it is something I am doing that makes him like this.

If you are feeling anxious about this, which it sounds as though you are, he will pick up on it and feel anxious, too. He sounds like a lovely little lad, BTW

As you want him to be happy, tell agencies you want a Male Nanny! After all, he will be wanting someone who is keen on doing the things that he likes. It's then a bit less of a mother substitute, it's more a daddy substitute.

I find it is children a lot older - age 6+ who are more tricky... they seem to take longer to adjust to mum going to work. Under 5's I find adapt well, at least with me... not sure why... perhaps I'm not that demanding of them, activities are planned around the children, what they want to do, not what I want to do. Went to indoor play today (I wanted to go swimming), as 3 year old was given a choice and he wanted indoor play.

I think you want to find someone who your DS1 gets on with, so interview as many people as you can, and see which interact best with DS1.

thanks Bubble. Have to say it probably wasn't my most sane time of life as had hormones all over the shop but do still find myself having tormenting thoughts about how do you really know if someone will be a good nanny. Bit sad really as have spent 10 years working in HR hiring 100's of people.

Hi there,
Sorry to change the subject slightly but quick question, What's DS1 and DH and DC? sorry I'm probably being really dense but only joined today!!

All kids need some time to adjust to a new carer - 3 weeks together before you go to work sounds like plenty. Don't be concerned if it takes a while after that before he completely settles with the new nanny though - the little girl I look after is two, and for the first two or three months I looked after her she cried when mummy went to work, and cried when I picked her up from nursery! Suddenly something changed though and now when mummy leaves she happily says "bye bye" and waves from the window.

I agree with Bubble that your DS will pick up on your anxiety. Try not to present the nanny as an option to him - "Do you want to play with nanny today?" because he'll say no (of course he'd rather have mummy) and in reality it isn't a choice. Be upbeat about it - "Nanny's coming today! You can go to the playground with her!". A little bribery with presents or chocolate is ok to kickstart their relationship at the beginning too

List of what things mean on Mumsnet

DS1 = Darling Son no.1 (first born son)
DH = Darling Husband
DC = Darling Children

Dont worry, I've found the acronym list!

Fancy a job NannynickHave added problem of moving house ( i know not ideal, too much change etc but not something I can influence) in a few weeks 3 hours away from where we are so am having to travel down and interview in bulk. Would it be perceived as odd to have a friend there when you interview a nanny as don't have 100% confidence in my judgement.

I think having a friend there would be a good idea, as you need someone else to bounce thoughts off, and you also want someone to take notes, while you do the interview itself.

Can you delay things at all, so that you can conduct interviews in your new home? As a nanny, I hate interviews where I don't get to meet the children... it just doesn't work for me. Much better if I can grovel around on the floor playing with Thomas the Tank Engine, while parents ask questions, look through my portfolio, rather than the more formal interview setup you have for office interviews.

I may be available from September 2008, thats my next contract review date

Are you sure your 9 month old will be fine... my experience is that at 9 months, they start to dislike separation from primary carer. They do adapt, but can be hard to settle them. Depends on the child of course - they are all different.

Have you got a short-list of applicants to interview at this stage, or are you intending to initially interview all applicants, then short-list after that, and do second interviews once in your new home?