Childminder's kid and mine issues

[BexyJames]

Hi

My eldest has been with my childminder since he was 1, her kid is the same age and at first they got on amazingly and it was lovely to think they're going to grow up together.

They have now been in school for 3 yrs together and her kid sometimes makes mines life difficult in school by winding up, play killing mine and being not nice, other times they get on amazingly.
He is having quite a bad time at the moment.

My kid is getting upset because if they retaliate and gets in trouble in school the childminder never seems to believe their story (I never know who's actually telling the truth) and always takes her kids side and tells mine off and stops them doing things at her house.

I know this is a very awkward situation for my child as they always feel on edge as they will always be going back to the childminder after school.

Problem is my preschooler also goes to the childminder and they loves it there and the childminders great with them.

We don't know how to approach this situation with the childminder as she obviously likes to take her child's side and goes very defensive if anything bad is said about her kid.

I really like my childminder and we're good friends but hate putting my kid in this situation and really not sure what to do.

Short of taking them both out of the childminder and maybe falling out with her does anyone have any suggestions how to deal with this diplomatically or in any other way?

Thanks
B

So, your child has to walk on eggshells around hers, or else her kid gets preferential treatment and your child misses out and is, in effect, punished by the childminder.

Presumably this is after school have already dealt with whatever issue happened in school so there will have been telling off/punishment already.

Change childminder.

Hi, could your older child go to an before school / afternoon school club? maybe being at school all day and then together at the childminders is too much for them and they need time apart?

Can you just move your older child?
The kids don’t get on, that’s no comment or criticism of your childminder’s child.

My kid is getting upset because if they retaliate and gets in trouble in school the childminder never seems to believe their story (I never know who's actually telling the truth) and always takes her kids side and tells mine off and stops them doing things at her house

This is the problem. My dd's childminder has a son the same age as her. They've practically grown up together and often bickered like brother and sister. The thing was that the childminder never took sides and told which ever one of them was pestering the other off (or invariably both of them for bickering). It must be hard for childminders and maybe I was lucky, but mine treated dd as one of her own while she was there. I know if she was told off, it was for good reason. Now she doesn't need a childminder any more - we both cried, and dd still adores her.

It might be you need to find someone else for your older one, or a new childminder all together.

When it was just them and school wasn't on they got in like a house on fire.
Its just now schools back again (and was the same pre lockdown 1).

They do act like siblings, but mine seems to get in trouble more as hers seems to taunt mine in school.

Today mine said they hate having to go home to the childminder as her kid will be there when they've not been nice in school and she won't believe anything mine says.
.. But my child does lie alot :(

Id start by saying to her our boys don't seem to be getting on do you think they are spending too much time together I don't want them to permanently fall out do you think they should have a break and maybe I should send mine to some out of school clubs for awhile?
Its possible your cm is having worries too but can't afford to loose your little ones.

I’m a childminder. I have had school age mindees in the past, but I would never look after a child that was in my child’s class at school. My dd is 8. I don’t think it would be fair on either child, like forcing a friendship on them.

Your child is telling you that they are unhappy, regardless of whether or not they lie, it is your responsibility to ensure they feel secure and happy. As a mum, I would be unhappy with the way your childminder treats your child, always taking their child’s word over yours child’s? Maybe your child feels like they have to lie as they are going to get into trouble and not be believed anyway?

I know a Childminder who has a child in my dds school and she Collects another child of the same age. I have seen her child be unkind to the minded child and the childminder always takes her own child’s side, heartbreaking really.