Night nannie for disabled new mum

hulligwen · 2021-04-18T10:57:02+00:00

Hi! I'm epileptic. Baby two weeks old. My seizure trigger is sleep deprivation, so my husband is stuck doing all the night feeds so I'm not a seizure risk around the baby. He's going back to work soon. I feel scared to be overtired around the baby. I have grand mal seizures with no warning. No family locally. Does anyone have any experience of this? Has anyone accessed any social care/night nannie/support for these kind of issues? How much would a night nannie cost? Could I employ them for only half the night? Say midnight to 7am? Thanks!

LittleAppleFan2021 · 18/04/2021 12:03

What did your consultant and health visitor advise? Technically you can employ anyone for however long you want... But I find it odd how you've had 9 months warning of this and haven't got anything in place?!

Original poster

hulligwen · 18/04/2021 12:07

@LittleAppleFan2021

What did your consultant and health visitor advise? Technically you can employ anyone for however long you want... But I find it odd how you've had 9 months warning of this and haven't got anything in place?!

I didn't realise that I wouldn't be able to cope

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 18/04/2021 12:12

I think you need to think about what you want them to do and how would it work.

Is baby in with you? Would you expect them to sit downstairs for 7 hours with a monitor and run up for every cry and feed? You'll still be disturbed.
Could baby go into their own room and you hire someone to stay in that room as baby shouldn't be alone all night? You could possibly get a day bed and agree they can snooze.

Would you want them to stay downstairs with baby in a moses basket?

I mean you can hire someone to do anything you ask, but you seem unclear what you want or need.

What kind of job does DH have? Could he have baby untill midnight downstairs and you go to bed at 9 and then he does wake ups until 5 and you do wake ups after 5?

OneCalamerra · 18/04/2021 12:21

You can absolutely hire night nannies, they’re available in most cities.

We paid £120 a night, in London.

They slept in the same room as the baby and handled all wakes. I was breastfeeding so they’d bring him into me for every other feed, - id just wake up, feed, go back to sleep without worrying about nappies/winding etc. They did the other feeds with expressed milk.

I’m not sure how you’d access any kind of funding for that service though.

Mama1980 · 18/04/2021 12:41

You can hire night nannies, one of my sil used one for a sort of similar reason. She paid about £100-120 a night and the night nanny did all the wakings/feeding and changing in another part of the house. She employed her for about 6 months.

I think though if you feel you are a risk during the day you need to contact social services who will be able to advise you better, there maybe resources available to help you.

Creepygnochi · 18/04/2021 12:48

I have a night nanny with my baby at the moment, because I'm 53 this year and have done 11 other children (including two sets of twins) without one, so decided I was done doing nights now. She does all the training and brings dd to me to feed then takes her back. On duty from 10pm until 8am, £220 a night. It's fabulous, wish I'd done it sooner.

Contact ss, the worst they can is say no.

bunglebee · 18/04/2021 12:53

You're unlikely to get a night nanny to come in at midnight. They usually have standard overnight hours and won't much fancy starting a job at that time. Mostly they intend to get as much sleep as they can as many of them are heading off to a day job, unless you're employing them 5+ nights a week. £100-120 a night is probably pretty standard.

I'd think it's unlikely you'll get someone else to fund this for you, but you can but ask.

DarcyLewis · 18/04/2021 14:03

Between £12-20 an hour is probably about right, depending on where you live etc.
You need a spare bedroom or a bed in the baby’s room for the nanny.
Most will do 7pm-7pm or 9pm-7am for example, I don’t think midnight will work.

You could try contacting maternity nanny training providers to see if they have any students who want to do work experience in exchange for a reference? MNT, Nest, BabyEm are some of the main training providers.

PotteringAlong · 18/04/2021 14:05

What was your plan in the day for if you had a seizure without warning and you were with the baby alone?

Viviennemary · 18/04/2021 14:07

Why don't you have your medication reviewed. Also contact an epilepsy support group. Who might have some suggestions on how to cope with a new born.

EssentialHummus · 18/04/2021 14:10

No idea about night nannies but with DD DH did 8pm - midnight and I did midnight to 6am. Because of DD’s sleep patterns it meant that I’d sleep 8pm-2am at least and DH 10pm-6am (and I’d also sleep after the 2am feed). Any use for you?

Creepygnochi · 18/04/2021 14:13

Also keep in mind, you'll need to supply nightnurse with a bed. They sleep between feds as well.

mcdog · 18/04/2021 14:21

I feel for you, first time mum and dealing with epilepsy as well. Is the sleep deprivation trigger a new thing then? You've discovered since the baby was born?

RolloverRollover · 18/04/2021 14:41

I have epilepsy and lack of sleep is also a trigger.

I slept as soon as DP got home at 6pm through to the 4am feed (DP did the 8pm and midnight feed).

We were extremely lucky with a baby that fed every 4 hours and who, by 2.5 months was sleeping 7 to 7am.

GappyValley · 18/04/2021 14:47

As others have said, they are £100-150 per night depending on where you are and how long the booking is for.

I’ve not heard of one that would do midnight to 7am. They like to have a handover before and after each shift to share details on feeds and nappies etc

If this is beyond your finances, you could get some daytime help and use that time to sleep. Maybe 3 hours during the day would give you time for a proper nap and would be around £40 per day

I’m totally at how you didn’t think having a new born would result in some level of sleep deprivation though. It’s probably the most famously obvious part of new parenthood

UCOinanOCG · 18/04/2021 14:51

@Creepygnochi

I have a night nanny with my baby at the moment, because I'm 53 this year and have done 11 other children (including two sets of twins) without one, so decided I was done doing nights now. She does all the training and brings dd to me to feed then takes her back. On duty from 10pm until 8am, £220 a night. It's fabulous, wish I'd done it sooner.

Contact ss, the worst they can is say no.

You had a baby at 53? Wow. Sorry if this is very nosy but did you conceive naturally or was it IVF?

Thoughtcontagion · 18/04/2021 14:55

Why is it 11 years down the line I’m discovering you can get night nurses? Good god I wouldn’t look as old as I do if i knew this magic service was available.

Is contact GP/Health visitor and see what help or advice they can give you, do you have any family close by that can support you in the day until you get something sorted?

Peachesarepeach · 18/04/2021 14:55

No experience of night nannies but I had twins who seemed to sleep in alternate hourly shifts.

We split the nights - one of us would do 7pm- 1 and the other 1-7am.

Could you do this and find a nanny for a few hours during the day so you can get extra rest?

Creepygnochi · 18/04/2021 15:10

UCO

52, technically.

IVF, of course. The biological material was leftovers from genetic testing in my 30s. I wouldn't recommend having a baby so late, but we needed cord blood, had the gametes on ice, could afford to do it, so thought fuck it.

PotteringAlong · 18/04/2021 15:24

A saviour sibling. I hope it worked out for all of you @Creepygnochi

SleepingStandingUp · 18/04/2021 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WaterBottle123 · 18/04/2021 16:07

@SleepingStandingUp

Because people always speak to Mumsnet the way they speak to your children.

Deeply unpleasant post to a poster who presumably was saving a terminally ill child.

Original poster

hulligwen · 18/04/2021 16:31

@SleepingStandingUp

I think you need to think about what you want them to do and how would it work.

Is baby in with you? Would you expect them to sit downstairs for 7 hours with a monitor and run up for every cry and feed? You'll still be disturbed.
Could baby go into their own room and you hire someone to stay in that room as baby shouldn't be alone all night? You could possibly get a day bed and agree they can snooze.

Would you want them to stay downstairs with baby in a moses basket?

I mean you can hire someone to do anything you ask, but you seem unclear what you want or need.

What kind of job does DH have? Could he have baby untill midnight downstairs and you go to bed at 9 and then he does wake ups until 5 and you do wake ups after 5?

Hi, thanks for your advice, I was wondering if you could reword the end of your comment, concerning a possible routine with my husband (me sleeping till 9 etc) as I'm not quite clear what you mean (it may be me being dumb!) Thanks for your help :-)

OP posts:

notapizzaeater · 18/04/2021 16:40

I'd have loved a night nanny when my DS was little. Could you get one for a couple of nights a week and go to bed when DH gets home so you get a proper chunk of sleep?

drspouse · 18/04/2021 16:47

I think sleeping means
DH on duty 9-12, OP asleep.
If baby wakes 12-5 DH goes to baby.
If baby wakes 5-8 OP goes to baby.
But that doesn't seem like it will work really.