Is it reasonable to request split shifts from an au pair?

[BrummieOnTheRun]

I'm starting to make plans to hire our 2nd au pair.

Current AP works afternoons mainly, so have not asked for help with morning school run (3 kids under 4).

Does anyone ask for (e.g.) 1 hour in the morning then rest of hours later in the day?

I'd say this was normal.

Mosty APs (ime) have daytime college, usually 2 hrs 3x a week so would need part of the day off.

I agree with luckyblack cat...it's very normal... In the New year my AP will go to college at 10am twice a week. So she will do 7.30 - 9.30 then 3pm till 7pm on those days

Everyone I know who has an au-pair does split-shifts with them - ie before and after school, rest of the time to themselves.

agree with everyone. Split shift is classic aupair schedule. Goes with the live-in territory, though of course there are live-outs, but rarer.

Yes, breakfast and tea time is fairly standard.

thanks for that. only wish I'd asked 3 months ago! current AP still in her pyjamas at 11.30 today as usual.

my aunt and uncle have an aupair... she does about an hour at breakfast time...

and the rest around afterschool / tea / bath time!

My APs have always done split shifts and I insist that they are dressed when they start at 7.30. FGS the last thing I need is an 8 stone 19 year old prancing around in her little nightie in the morning!!!!!!!!!

me too. I have a hour-by-hour schedule which includes what time aupair has to be dressed by.

My db has it lucky he found identical twins both currently at Uni so they split shifts between them as is suits them to cover the hours db needs!

It's pretty normal to do split shifts - ie school run in morning and afternoon, with extra hours tagged onto these sessions.

Can you insist the girl is up and dressed by a certain time if she's not working for a few hours though?

It does pee me off that I've got myself and 3 kids dressed, fed and out the door by 8.30, picked up provisions and done and hours work before getting back to the house around 11, tidied the breakfast things away, emptied the dishwasher and done a load of washing before she's even even up.

Those aren't her 'jobs' but if the entire household has been up for 5 hours, it seems ignorant to me to be lying in bed until after 11. Do you think that's unreasonable?

Brummie, what you described happens to us on weekends, but fair enough, she does not work on weekends. But I know how you feel about having climbed Mt Everest before someone can pull themselves out of bed.

I can see it grating if that happened day-in-day-out

Can you give her morning jobs, even if she does not currently do the morning school run (like help to get children dressed, tidy up brekkie things) as an excuse to make her get and dressed by a certain time.

If she has not had those duties before and is loathe to give up her lie-ins, you would probably be looking for another one. Which you are anyway ...

Yep, she only has morning shifts 2 days a week, so every other day of the week I have this sleepy 21 year old I have to navigate around while getting the baby's lunch ready.

I'll raise it with her, blueshoes, as you suggest. It's that or call it quits, so nothing to lose. although she's invited half her family for xmas so that's complicated.

I think it's pretty unreasonable to dictate what time she gets up and dressed when she's not working tbh! So long as she does the work and hours you ask of her I think you should really let her do what she likes in her own time. I can see that you might be irritated that she has more free time than you, but you are a mother, she's just an au pair - I doubt you pay her enough to dictate how long she's allowed to sleep for!

Brummieontherun you made a mistake by allowing your AP to stay in bed in the morning while you did everything for 3 children. We all get it wrong with our first AP but we learn pretty quickly - absoluely make sure your clear about this with your next AP.

For what it's worth - here's what I ask of my AP's (I'm on my forth now in 3 years so consider myself not quite as green as I was in the beginning).

7.30 - 8.30
Wake DC, make breakfast, make lunchboxes, clear away kitchen and sweep kitchen floor.

8.30 - 9.30

I take DC's to school and AP spends an hour cleaning their bedrooms (2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom) and putting any of the DC's washing on.

Free till 4 when we arrive home. AP them helps with laying table (I cook dinner) ,any DC's ironing, taking DC's to activities, clearing table, putting clean uniform out and generally playing with them and helping (together with me) with homework

I always say to AP's they don't have to do anything for DH or me - only the DCs, their laundry, bedrooms etc and they seem to think this is quite fair - it also helps to be clear about what they do and what you do.

Re: the morning. They are all without exception lazy buggers who for reasons best known to themselves always ask me if they can go back to bed after I take DC's to school and before they clean the bedrooms. My answer - no. Clean the rooms then the rest of the day is yours and I also let them go out nearly every evening and they have week-ends free too.

Hope this helps clarify things.

RahRahRachel, you know, that was my view initially. I don't expect anyone to be up at the crack of dawn when the kids are, which is part of the reason I didn't ask for split shifts intially.

But she isn't a lodger or an employee. She's supposed to be part of our household and our household has been up and operating for 5 hours before she even surfaces.

I don't ask her to do formal housework, just help clear up as she would in her own house. And most of that work happens in the morning, when we're at our busiest.

Thank you nametaken for taking the time to post that information. It is really very helpful. I'm honestly wondering whether this is worth it, so good to hear from someone much more experienced that the 1st is often a minefield.

Brummie, the strongest advantage of an aupair (live-in help) is also their most infuriating.

It is inevitable that she will not do as much as you - there are a finite number of hours you can call on her to work anyway. And you have to hold it in when you are grafting away as she sits (or sleeps) there in comfort.

I deal with it by having very detailed houserules that I go through at the start of her stay. I actually specify when she has to wake up and be dressed on a weekday. And that even if it is not her working hours, if she chooses to eat with us, then she must muck in by taking turns with the washing up and clearing the table.

But inevitably, dh and I still end up dancing around to dcs, whilst she gets to eat her dinner in comfort. Nothing wrong with that - I just have to get over it.

To me, if an aupair is flexible about her working hours (as in just do light childminding on an adhoc basis, even though it is outside her working hours), she is worth her weight in gold. Everything else is forgivable.

This detailed schedule is where I cocked up. We didn't have one because the kids started school after she arrived, and we had no idea what we needed initially.

I've asked that she does an hour from 8-9 as you suggested, blueshoes, with a clear list of what needs to be done while I'm on the school run.

She gets to finish an hour earlier in the evening, so she's happy.

I don't give a damn if she's still in PJs or floating around in a skimpy bikini now as long as the morning jobs are done!

Thanks for sharing your experience, everyone.