Grandparents making out I'm awkward not travelling 30-40 mins each way on a work day

[MummyBoss86]

Am I?!

My DH used to work near to my DP home, so my DP (who are very, overwhelmingly keen to look after the children) would tie in drop off and pick ups 3x a week very easily with his work. He is now moving jobs and he will be travelling an hour (at least) by car in the opposite direction. If he were to drop the kids off it would mean his journey is 1h45 each way.

My DP used to have my kids for 2.5 full days a week, so that means doing this 30-40min drive 3x a week (because DM will come to us for ONE pick up and they stay overnight one night meaning one less journey).

Our creche and nursery at 8 mins drive away, super convenient and I have no issue putting the kids in there more (they already go 2x days a week). Of course I'd be a bit disappointed (and so would they) that they won't see their grandparents and their cousins for that extra day, but they'll still get 1.5 days a week there (which includes an overnight stay).

I should add that I travel 700 miles a week for work which requires one overnight stay a week. I do the rest from home. On those WFH days, I do NOT want to be travelling 40 mins each way for creche drop offs. Sure I'd have the extra nursery costs but we can afford it.

I mentioned to DP today that we'd need to figure out a new routine now that DH won't be able to drop off as easily etc and they sent a really arsey response back. They are p!ssed off that they won't get the kids that extra day (they LIVE for the days they mind the kids) and are making out I am being awkward by not driving them over to them. My job is also super intense, finding that extra time will be tough. Sure, it's do-able, but probably at the expense of my exercise time, which I really, really love every day.

Thoughts please?

I should also add, the 1h45 journey my DH would need to do to take the kids there would also start ridiculously early, probably 6.30am and home late, so him tying in drop offs and pick ups to DP just wouldn't work timing wise unless I drag a 1yo and a 3.5yo out of bed at 6am. So my DH isn't being awkward, the timing just doesn't work.

It doesn’t work for you anymore. Big bunch of flowers/cake and a card thanking them for all they’ve done and how much they’ve helped and offering a new arrangement that works

Why can't they drive to you, if they want to keep doing it?

It's a shame for them but of course those travel arrangements are ludicrous. Soon your children will be in school and it will be out of the question. They'll have to get over it and be grateful for the time they did have when they were tiny.

this arrangement is meant to be to help you/ your family.
it would not help you to have to do that extra drive.
so that's it.
don't get drawn into arguing, or even discussing.
just.
say.
no.

@PoutineQueen

Why can't they drive to you, if they want to keep doing it?

Kind of think the same!

I think I remember your last thread. I seem to think there's a fairly long toxic history with your DM. I'd make a clean break of it and address the massive power imbalance. She's made her bed....

Are you the poster whose H worked for the family business but your parents basically shafted him?

The whole thing was toxic and you need to get some boundaries in place if so.

Your parents are selfish and absurd. Shut this ridiculous conversation down and tell them very clearly this isn't happening.

I remember your previous thread.

Keep it straightforward and drama free. Change of circumstances means that 1.5 days suits you now. And repeat. Ignore any complaints or sulking.

It really would be ridiculous for your DH to add that much to his journey especially as he will need to get settled in new role.