Nanny and DP

[PiedPiper588]

Nanny started last week and partner is staying with us for some time. He doesn't normally live here.
She is 38 and very qualified and experienced. She is great with the kids so far but seems terrified of my DP. Physically, he is a huge guy and comes across as aloof and hard to talk to but he is finding her very uncomfortable to be around and I also feel bad that she feels unsettled. Has anyone experienced this and got any advice?

Have you spoken to the nanny to ask if there is anything in particular that makes her uncomfortable op was she aware he would be there when she accepted the role?

Has something inappropriate happened? I have no idea how you’d go about finding out though.

Have a gentle chat with her about the situation overall. If she happens to be very nervous around men I’d be worried this would be picked up by DCs.

She may just not be the best fit for your family.

Well she is an experienced nanny so she has had contact with dad's therefore male adults in the nanny workplace before.
DP said the only thing he can think of is that she may have felt she was being criticised when he said the dining area looked a mess but it was more in relation to the fact that he meant they looked like they had all been busy.
How would I approach this with her? I don't want to make it worse.
To answer the other question, yes, she did know he would be around here and there.

It’s probably not going to work if she finds him uncomfortable to be around.

“This room is a mess” is very different to “I can see you have been busy today!”

She only started last week and was probably worried by what your partner said - she may have moved on from a lovely family and now in that adjustment period while she's getting to know you all he's said something negative. I'd see how it goes, she might take a while to get used to him but if the children like her and she's a good nanny then you're very lucky.

Is he around all day?

Is he quite gruff when he speaks?

She's only just met him.
He's aloof and hard to talk to.
He's been critical.

That's probably why she's not comfortable around him. Has he tried being nice and friendly?

I've never known someone to say 'it's a mess in here' and mean oh looks like you've all been busy .

He was being critical and doesn't sound like he knows how to be friendly. The nanny isn't the problem here.

Your partner doesn't sound too pleasant even when you describe him, and presumably you love him, so God knows how he actually comes across!

Im a nanny and have left because of parents/ caregivers like this. It’s very difficult being a nanny now with parents being home a lot more, if you don’t like them you are sort of forced to interact with them more than you would normally. What your partner said was rude but if were me, I wouldn’t take just one thing so personally however there may be more to it. Could he have said anything else rude that you may be unaware of?

It’s hard. No Problem having dads around

But assume he isn’t the dad. So not her employer

So when he makes remarks it would have annoyed me

Why is he there ?