Need advice on childcare options, dreading going back to work

[LilieR]

Hi all,

I am a first time mum living in North London. My DD is 14 weeks old and is an immense joy to me. I love motherhood more than I ever expected to. Sadly I have to go back to work in 6 weeks.

How do I go about finding the right childcare solution for when we have to work? Where do I even start? How do I know my child will be in safe hands? How do people afford full-time care?

We can both work from home, but I know I won’t be able to look after my daughter and do my job at the same time.

What do other working mums do? Any thoughts and advice welcome.

Have a look what's out there. We use a nursery as childminders only take children if they have a slot at the time, we found we couldn't confirm a place X weeks in advance. You may actually find you've left it late to get childcare because many nurseries do have waiting lists. We took our youngest round as a babe in arms but had our oldest down with a nursery before he was born.

We preferred a nursery as your child can attend year round, whereas childminders have some holiday weeks which you need to cover. Also ask about costs for nappies, meals, sun cream etc.

If it help with budgeting, we're not in London but pay £600 a month for 3 full days a week. And you're right, you can't work from home and care for a baby / toddler at the same time.

Thanks so much for the advice. I was worried we might have left it too late! 🤭 We’re the first in our group of friends who’ve had a child, and as I am an Aussie living in the UK with my British husband, I am still figuring out how things work here. But thanks for your feedback. I also think a nursery is best as she will be exposed to other kids.

Also look into the Gov scheme tax free childcare - you only pay 80% of the nursery fees, gov pay the rest 👍🏻

So both my kids went to full time nursery (first at 20 weeks and the second at 24 weeks). They were looked after so well and have always loved going there. When they are little it’s important to have a regular carer so check that they will have the same keyworker. As they get older, nursery is brilliant for their development and for social skills. I wasn’t keen to leave such a young baby with a sole carer, but others I know have found nannies or childminders that they love. Going back to work when they are little is easier than you think, they don’t have any issues settling in like older babies do and I found I settled back into work easily too. Childcare is expensive though, especially in London.

Have you asked about flexible working with your employer? I adjusted my hours to finish work earlier, on a temp basis first time and permanent basis second time, so I could get home to eat with the family. Don't be tempted to use a nursery near your work unless DH also works there. It may feel convenient but you will get the call as the nearest parent every time they're unwell, which can happen a lot when they first start. I have the same dialling code at work as DD nursery and DS school, DH works miles away but only PT. Guess who gets the calls? Don't be afraid to tell them to call dad instead.

I'm a childminder, were regulated and inspected by Ofsted like nurseries and schools up to year 1 and follow the same standards EYFS. Some work with assistants or co minders. Yes you may need to cover holidays ( most book them in December for the following year so you can match holidays...many take around 3 to 4 weeks but some less others more and some non at all) many network so you can see if they have spaces to cover ( your baby and you will typically know the other childminders through playdates, parties etc.). Few childminders take sick days unless its contagious or serious (ive had a total of few weeks over 20 years and been covered by co minders and network minders on those occasions).
The children are like extended family im still in contact with many of them God mother to a few and myxhildren are friends with some even now they are adults. Most stay with me from being babies to leaving primary school and still check in at senior school if parents are working. I've supported families through various life events illness, bereavements, raising care plans, births and weddings including being there at 2am and weekends. So if you find a good childminder it's a unique support.

I live in East London and use a childminder. Also went back just short of six months. We work FT in busy jobs. My son is exposed to other children there of different ages rather than being in a baby room at a nursery. He’s now nearly two, there’s another child the same age, a younger baby, a couple of after school kids, and he seems to ‘know’ lots of local children who go to other childminders as they meet in the park. It’s 1:1 care at times with a single caregiver and much more accurately replicates what home looks like and respects his routine. They go outside for hours every day, plus do normal things like the supermarket (which I don’t think he would otherwise do!). The childminder is in her 50s and has a wealth of experience including 3 kids of her own; she used to run a nursery. I am so happy he went there. At 2-3 I think it may be starting to be a good idea to expand his pool of friends in nursery; he will go to school nursery when he’s 3 and be picked up by the childminder after school. Her house is calm. She is inspected, fully checked and has a lovely bond with my son.

Plus - in covid times- the bubble is far smaller so we haven’t had a closure (we are HCPs so he’s been there all the time!). Would hugely recommend and would do it again.

We have a 5 year old and a 13 month old. We used a childminder for the older one for the first 18 months and then moved him to my workplace nursery and never once looked back. The baby started at same nursery FT at six months.

From our experience - not opinion, but actual lived experience - of having used both forms of childcare - I will absolutely assert that nursery was the best way for us. This assumes of course that both the nursery and the childminder are good honest caring settings. If that is the case, which it was for us thankfully - it’s nursery that won hands down because -

1. We never once need to bother with aligning holidays, covering for sudden sickness in the setting or anything like that. It’s open every day excluding bank holidays. It’s a huge weight off minds.

1. For super young babies we felt far more comfortable knowing there are other adults around and a system of supervision in situ. This is not a reflection on the CM, who may be as good as gold, just that as parents when we look back and compare experiences with DS and DD it’s with baby DD that we felt more relieved owing to nursery

1. Neither DS nor us thought much of him being dragged around on school runs twice a day. Much is made of childminder day trips out to forests and picnics but they get all that with us over weekends so trips tied to school runs etc totally non useful.

1. Finally it’s often said babies that young need a single carer, and nurseries are institutions that can’t do that. I couldn’t disagree more. Baby DD in her nursery has had one single key person throughout yet and their bond is something to see!

We were lucky our childminder was lovely. We are lucky that our nursery is lovely. Comparing between the two lovelies - it’s nursery we choose all the way. But whatever route you choose do make sure you are happy with the research you do, and be ready to change your mind if not working out.

As the above posts show this is really a matter of preference. Personally I would never leave a baby that young at a nursery. If nursery were my only option I’d use leave/ shared parental leave, anything to get to the 6 months mark. Mine started at around 1 year but I felt much more comfortable leaving them generally after 6 months as they could sit up and had started weaning (none of mine would take bottles).

Having used both I would always choose a Childminder (or nanny share) over a nursery for any child under 2. The setting is much more like a home, they have a chance to bond with one person, they are with a range of kids of different ages and baby rooms at nurseries often have high turnover and less experienced staff than later years. Leaving my middle DC at nursery (because it suited his older sibling better) is one of my few strong parenting regrets.

Start looking now. Some nurseries have long waiting lists which many people go on as soon as they are pregnant. It all depends on your area.

Generally people prefer nurseries if they want to avoid the situation where a childminder or nanny is ill and there is no alternative care but with covid the opposite is true with people worrying about bursting bubbles.

Have a think about what is important to you. Don’t just think about your tiny baby but think about what a toddler will need eg what is the food like and outdoor space.

I'm going to comment on the school run which is seen as a negative thing....a school run done by someone in a rush to get to work or on to the next job is a totally different experience to one done as part of childcare. On my school run we talk about road saftey, the signs and numbers we see, we spot shapes,nature, people working, talk about manhole covers, telegraph poles etc and take photos back home we use what interested us today to make crafts like birds nest, cut the shapes from our photos and sort them matching to other similar shaped objects, count things, do experiments recreating blocked drains(bottles of oil in water adding glitter and paper etc) we might dig a hole and pretend we're building a house, get out diggers and rollers to recreation making the new park in our tough tray...tip tip dig dig story is very popular at the moment. In the playground we spot numbers and letters...all mine know their phonics thanks to the playground snake and finding letters from their names. Rainy days spark rain cloud experiments, snow gets brought in. All child led all educational and all sparked by the school run different every day not limited to an enclosed environment.
I've had parents who say we go out at the weekends but do they take pond dipping, insect catchers, den building kits, crayons and aper for texture rubbing. Or is it just a farm or zoo visit then home.

One of the super useful things to bear in mind OP - is that, whichever way you go, if you feel happy with the setting, and your child is happy - they will get good experiences out of it. It may not replicate the exact nature of the pathway you didn’t choose but if you get happy healthy curious well adjusted kids out of it, that’s good enough.

Quite often, a lot of choices around the Early Years feel so intensely polarised - right from feeding decisions to so much more- but in the end, wise to remember that there will be some excellent happily cared for childminded children and some excellent happily cared for nursery children, so if you pay attention to the setting, and keep an eye of how you and your kid is feeling and doing, and the wider context of their health home and happiness - you may not go too widely wrong in whichever route you choose. As I said above DS was a happily childminded kid for 18 months and then a happy nursery kid till school - we were lucky that both settings albeit so different were so right and rich for him.

I just want to say a big thank you for all of your answers. I feel less confused, and less alone! We will be exploring both options until we find the perfect fit. I really do appreciate everyone’s considered comments. 😊

Another vote here for a childminder - my children lived their childminder and we are all still friends 12 years after the first starting.

You are likely to find childminders are cheaper. Also as your little one will be quite young, you might prefer a childminder to build that 1:1 relationship with. But the downside can be lack of flexibility in holidays etc.

And if you both did compressed hours e.g. a 9 day fortnight, you could use less childcare. Although sometimes full time gives a discount.

Also worth looking at nanny shares locally - this may be the most flexible option. Where I am there's local childcare groups for this sort of thing. Good luck!

For a baby that young I’d be more comfortable with a nanny. I love the baby room at my nursery for both of my girls but they didn’t start until 13m and 18m. In those early months I do think a ratio of 1:3 is still quite hard going for small babies. If you go with a nursery, I’d look for ones with small baby rooms as I suspect the little ones get less attention if they’re in with the more demanding toddlers.