Some concerns about nanny.

[TheAccidentalParent]

I hired a part-time live out nanny 2 months ago. She looks after my one daughter who is 7 months old. At first I liked her and was pleased with everything. I have some concerns now.

One is she is not very reliable. Turns up late sometimes. One day was off sick. This sunday told me she would be an hour and half late as had doctors appointment on monday morning. This is OK this week as my mum is staying, but if she wasn't would be difficult. She is not obviously sick and she only works 17 hours a week - could she not have booked it for when she is off work?

My Mum told me today that she saw her take 3 phone calls in the time that my mum was here (2 hours) and one phone call was 10 mins long. Mum also saw her just flicking through magazines today. All this when my daughter is awake.

Sometimes she spends most of the day out, and sometimes she meets a friend.

I just feel that when she looks after my daughter she should be focused 100% on that and should be playing with her and keeping her entertained.

Just feeling she is generally getting a bit slack and taking the mick a bit.

Not sure what to tell her exactly to get her to do this. Feel the time she and my daughter spend together have no structure. Have looked at activities they could do in the area, but not sure mother and baby groups would be that useful?? Also, she works 8:30- 14:00 and lots of activities around here are in the afternoon.

Would be grateful for any advice please.

A brief chat may well be in order. Gentle probing about what they have done that day might inspire her to do other things. Your daughter does need opportunity to play by herself but obviously not all day! Giving her info about appropriate groups would be a supportive way of doing this!!

Is she qualified or registered under the approval scheme? If not it might be worth suggesting this as she may then be able to access training /pick up ideas from publications.

Good luck!

ok i think you are being a little unreasonable... in some ways.

Ok your nanny took 3 phone calls.... one was 10 mins.... which implies other calls were significantly less than 10 mins, ie just a few mins...

IMO this should NOT be an issue... (surely you take calls while you child is awake?)

also you expect her to be with / entertain your child 100% of the time? IMO 100% IS unreasonable.... babies children need to learn to amuse themselves.... and it IS easier if you have a toddler who can happily entertain themselves for a few minutes and do not need playing with all the time.

Does your nanny have a break?.... (dont forget she is legally allowed and entitled to have one) I assume not.... so that is why i think its unreasonable to not let her talk for just a few mins on the phone!

In terms of getting a Drs appt in your time that is unreasonable IMO.... BUT do you know what it was about? It may have been something that couldnt wait... thats he didnt want to discuss with you.

and being sick 1 day isnt unreasonable either... its called being human

Most nannies have days out... I do... almost EVERY day actually.

So long as you child is happy and healthy and safe and cared for i dont see the problem... i assume your child wasnt crying or doing something dangerouse while she flicked through a magazine?... so its hardly the end of the world... i flick through my bosses magazines, the catalouges etc... in fact my boss's leave them out for me to read!

Also how late is late.... a few minutes or so i wouldnt bother about, how far does she travel.. is it just bad traffic etc?.... can you garentee that you will never ever be late?

You really mut talk to her. she is employed by you, to do a specific task. She's there for only 17 hours a week, so its not like she is doing it every single day, for 8 hours a day. if that were the case, you could forgive the occasional magazine or phone calls etc. But since this is not the case, it is not asking too much that she does the job paid for.

Mother and baby groups are fine for any care giver. It might be a good ideas to talk to her about doing this too. She ought to be looking for these things herself, if she is a good nanny. If she isnt, then you tell her about them, and aske her if she could fit this into their routine together, as its important for your Dd to socialise with other babies, plus your nanny will get some adult conversation, if this is a problem for her.

Just tell yourself, you are being perfectly reasonable, she is employed by you, and you are not asking her to do anyhting that is out side of her remit.

Sorry not to have been more practical in helping you what to actually do, but i hope that m encouragement helps a little

crossed posts there Nannyl.

But dont you think nannyL, that as this is part time only, that she should be focusing mainly on Dd?

If it were full time, and they were together every single day, 8-5 or whatever hours, then I totally agree with what you are saying, however, she is ther from 8.30 til 2 pm. there is plenty of the day left to make calls, read magazines, go to the Dr etc...

my Brother has a full time nanny, and he and my SIL dont have any probs with her being on phone from time to time, nor magazines and TV. the difference being she spends such a large number of hours there, there is plenty of time for them to play together and do other stuff as well as her have some 'time out' while my niece is happy playing.

If I am looking after my neice, i make a big effort to make sure we are doing things, she's not my child, so I feel that i should be making that effort. now i have my own dd to take with me, we all do things together. I dont mind my own dd being left to play, but thats my choice about my own, not my SIL choice about hers...

just another opinion really

Dear Nanny L,

Do see your point, but she only works 17 hours a week - so she has plenty of time to make phone calls, read magazines etc when she is not at work. I worked 7 hours today and made one brief (3 mins) personal call. Also, she tells me that my daughter usually takes 2 at least half hour naps when she is here - so I am more than happy for her to do whatever she likes during that time.

Yes - I do make phone calls when my daughter is awake, but I think it is different when you are paying someone and it is their job!

Also, I did not tell whole story about the sick day - she just did not turn up and did not phone!! But apparently lost her phone so maybe really couldn't. I don't know, maybe all these things just adding up.

See your point thought - Baby does seem happy and I don't think in any danger.

Maybe I am being a bit unreasonable though!

YANBU, I only work one afternoon a week. I don't take personal calls when I am at work and will only flick through a mag if both babies are asleep, and all my duties are done. Maybe you should structure her day and say specifically what you would like done. You could also ask her to keep a diary. As for not calling you I would have a chat with her about you needing someone to be reliable. Good luck. I think its important to be upfront.

to not turn up and not phone IS unacceptable and quite shocking actually.

I do think its unacceptable to expect ehr to actively entertain your daughter for every waking moment of the several hours she is there though...

espeically at 7 months...

If she has just spent half an hour doing 'quality interaction' with you child and you child is happy and playing with her toys i DONT think its unreasonable to flick through a magazine for a few mins....

nor to take a brief phone call... i think its quite easy to entertain 7 month olds while being briefly on the phone!

(I worked 11.5 hours today and made (or answered) no personal calls btw ... and IF i am talking to someone on the phone 99% of the time its either my bosses OR a nanny friend and we organising our charges activites etc, and tbh i rarely am on the phone while actually 'working'.... its almost not possible to have phone calls with a 2 and 4 year old around )... however when i am on the phone i dont feel guilty about it!

I guess I am a bit worried it will escalate. When she first started work she used to turn up 10mins early! Then she came on time, then started turning up late. Then one day not turning up at all!!

I suppose I am beginning to worry that maybe she will spend the whole day watching TV, reading magazines, talking to her friends.

Like I said my Mum was here for 2 hours today - so maybe this was nanny on her best behaviour!!

I can't get over that she just didnt turn up, or call!!! I'm not a nanny, but at work, I would be seriously disciplined for that, so would most I think! Its un professional and un acceptable. YANBU in any of what you say.

sorry nannyL. I respect that you cannot be entertaining your charge for the entire time you are there. As a mum, i'm not sitting down playing with my dd all day, but, I am her mum, Im not being paid to look after her, to entertain her, to do all those things with her... Also, I agree it is perfectly fine to be leaving her to play alone after you have been playing with her, giving her good 1-1 attention. So maybe, yes, have a read then..

however, Personal calls ARE unacceptable, unless really necessary. They are not permitted in most work places either, so why should they in the private home environment? its the curse of the mobile phone really... I mean, 10 -15 years ago, it just wasn't done at all anywhere! you would not dream of sitting on the phone at someones house, whilst looking after the children, surely?

I realise at work, people sometimes make personal calls. Usually in break or lunch times, and most employers don't actually allow it, but turn a blind eye to it in break times. If your daughter sleeps twice in her few hours in your home, then THAT is the time for her to do what she wants, so long as she an hear when your dd wakes up and needs her.

Talk to her; comminicate and prevent it escalating.

You need to talk to her - it's very easy for resentment build up and once you've let a particular sort of behaviour go for a while it becomes very difficult to say anything. Personally I wouldn't be bothered about the phone calls - I feel that I almost have the opposite problem with our nanny, she gives ds1 (2.5) so much attention that he expects to be played with the whole time and I think is losing the ability to amuse himself. But I would be very annoyed by the punctuality and I think that not phoming in when she is sick is totally unacceptable. If I were you I would give her a verbal warning for that, just to show that you take it seriously. I know it's not easy to to have the courage to confront these things but I do think you need to - Good Luck!!

I wouldn't care about the magazines or the phone calls. I would not tolerate someone just not showing up. The is totally unaaceptable.

I would organise some activities. And if none can be found in the morning, I would organise play dates with a friend's nanny (if you know anyone with a nanny). They could go swimming even if it wasn't a organised class. I would implement a nanny diary immediately.

I would also prefer that she make her doctors appointment whenever she likes, but bring DD to the appointment with her if it's during work hours. unless of course she is so ill that this isn't feasible. If she is going to the doctor for antibiotics because she has strep throat then of course she isn't going to take DD. But if it a routine visit to get her birth control jab, than there's no reason DD can't just tag along.

I wouldn't be bothered too much about the phonecalls and magazine, especially if you haven't specifically told her she can't do those things. I've had a baby charge in the past, and sometimes if she was playing happily on her own I'd take the opportunity to flick through a magazine or something, and now she's a bright and happy 2.5 year old who can play on her own. I also make and receive personal calls, and have never felt bad about it - though it's rarely possible to be on the phone for more than a couple of minutes with two preschoolers around anyway!

The fact that her punctuality is slipping is something that would bother me though - and losing your phone is no excuse not to call in sick imo! Couldn't she have used a payphone? Or emailed you? Very unprofessional. It sounds like the way I behaved over Saturday jobs as a teenager.

Thanks for all the advice. There have been some good suggestions which I will act on. I will arrange a meeting with her on monday to talk about what I want her to do and not to do. I will also make this a monthly meeting, so we both have a regular chance to air any grievances.

I will also ask her to do some arrange activities with DD.

This is her first nanny job and my first baby so guess we are both still finding our way.

And people management is definetly NOT one of my strong points.