Settling in time - no parents inside the house

sleeplessinthecountryside · 2021-03-18T12:26:39+00:00

I had my baby in April and have what's called a "lockdown" baby. She's never seen another child, only seen my mum who is in my support bubble. I've arranged her to go to a childminder but childminder says we cannot come in I have to drop the baby off. My baby is pretty delayed. Not crawling, struggles to eat, notorious for choking and I've really struggled with her. She will be 1 when she goes in a months time. I understand she's just following covid regulations but wondered what people's thoughts were? Thanks.

Daisy829 · 18/03/2021 12:31

Yes this is pretty normal at the moment due to covid I’m afraid & presume it’s because the minder has other children in the setting? You could always ask if you could pop round with your lo at a time she hasn’t got others to look after if you are worried but it’s often easier if the parents aren’t there to be honest.

BendingSpoons · 18/03/2021 12:33

Does she have a garden where you could settle her? When does she start? Places might be more flexible in a few months. If not, can you do some really short settling sessions to start with?

Original poster

sleeplessinthecountryside · 18/03/2021 12:44

@BendingSpoons

Does she have a garden where you could settle her? When does she start? Places might be more flexible in a few months. If not, can you do some really short settling sessions to start with?

Yes there is a garden. She said we could go in the garden if I felt it would be helpful if it's a nice day. I just hate this. My baby hasn't been around anyone now I have to leave her with a bunch of strangers she doesn't know. I appreciate it's not the childminders fault at all though.

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littleredberries · 18/03/2021 12:49

Oh wow. I'm living abroad in Germany at the moment and every country is handling this pandemic differently, but this is not something happening over here and it's not something I'd be ok with. Just posting my sympathy!

Apple40 · 18/03/2021 12:58

Sadly this will be norm for a while for both settling in sessions and pick up and drop offs. Parents are not allowed in the setting while the other children are there. I know during the summer childminders were offering setting in sessions in the garden .But may not be practical at the moment due to the colder weather. You could ask her and see if she is available able to offer you setting in sessions in the garden or when the offer the children are not in but you may find she still will not let you in her home during these times any way .

user1493413286 · 18/03/2021 13:09

My baby is currently having settling in sessions and I have to just hand him over at the door; the childminder said he’s settling well but he does initially cry and it’s hard for me. She’s doing some good extra ones because of how it has to be. I have heard that some children are settling more quickly though without parents hanging around.

Original poster

sleeplessinthecountryside · 18/03/2021 14:03

@littleredberries

Oh wow. I'm living abroad in Germany at the moment and every country is handling this pandemic differently, but this is not something happening over here and it's not something I'd be ok with. Just posting my sympathy!

@littleredberries oh really what's it like there? Yes I am really not comfortable with the situation but it looks like there's not a lot I can do ☹️

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Original poster

sleeplessinthecountryside · 18/03/2021 14:05

@user1493413286

My baby is currently having settling in sessions and I have to just hand him over at the door; the childminder said he’s settling well but he does initially cry and it’s hard for me. She’s doing some good extra ones because of how it has to be. I have heard that some children are settling more quickly though without parents hanging around.

@user1493413286 I hope it's the case with my little one that she settles in faster. Not a nice situation but I suppose there is an element that I want to see for myself how the little one settles in. Can't help it! 😬

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jannier · 18/03/2021 17:47

Ask your cm if she can send you photos I have a WhatsApp group for each family and during the first few weeks send lots of photos.
My settling is an hour then if that goes well 2 or 3 including a feed then I keep going until we have a successful feed and nap before doing the full day. Its led by the little one

Queenfreak · 18/03/2021 17:49

Can you meet the childminder in the park, or take walks with her? Just so your dd has a chance to get to know her face?

dot91 · 18/03/2021 17:57

I'm a childminder and have settled 2 children in during lockdown . I provided parents with videos of the inside of my house and did the initial settling in the garden . The children had seen myself and the other children several times before I took them into my house for an hours settling in. When I did that I met the parent in the garden and got the parent to leave the child with me in the garden as we had already done that and then I took the child into my house. I did more settling in sessions than normal a combination of the parent being there and my having the child on my own for short periods. I send the parents pictures by what's app daily of the activities their child is doing. Both children settled really well.
Remember childminders have a lot of experience looking after children and we take as much information as possible about your child so we can make the transition as smooth as we can. We also would want to know about easily choking so we can be extra vigilant during meal/snack times .

yellowlorry123 · 18/03/2021 20:23

Have you asked if the childminder will come to your house for a couple of hours ?

Original poster

sleeplessinthecountryside · 18/03/2021 20:35

@Queenfreak

Can you meet the childminder in the park, or take walks with her? Just so your dd has a chance to get to know her face?

@Queenfreak good idea x

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Helenluvsrob · 18/03/2021 20:43

My kids are early 20s now. This was absolutely how it was for nursery and childminder and they went from 5-6 months.

They were fine. I felt awful. We have amazing stable caring childcare from then till school and beyond. Youngest is 21 and took a home made gift for the her childminder auntie last weekend.

I know it’s a small n=3 sample but they are apparently happy well adjusted adults !

You baby will be fine x

Original poster

sleeplessinthecountryside · 18/03/2021 20:53

@dot91

I'm a childminder and have settled 2 children in during lockdown . I provided parents with videos of the inside of my house and did the initial settling in the garden . The children had seen myself and the other children several times before I took them into my house for an hours settling in. When I did that I met the parent in the garden and got the parent to leave the child with me in the garden as we had already done that and then I took the child into my house. I did more settling in sessions than normal a combination of the parent being there and my having the child on my own for short periods. I send the parents pictures by what's app daily of the activities their child is doing. Both children settled really well. Remember childminders have a lot of experience looking after children and we take as much information as possible about your child so we can make the transition as smooth as we can. We also would want to know about easily choking so we can be extra vigilant during meal/snack times .

@dot91 thank you for this, it's very useful and you sound like a wonderful childminder. The childminder has cared for my eldest and so I think she's a bit too relaxed about having my baby. But my little girl has never seen her before ever. I worked very hard with my first taking her to all the little classes and getting her socialised. However this one only knows our faces and I feel worried about it. I don't think she will be making videos etc. I wish she would though. I'm not normally an anxious parent but something about this doesn't sit well with me. Just dropping her off and driving away. In actual fact I'll probably drive round the corner and sit in the car in case I'm needed 😬🤣 paranoid!! X

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NichyNoo · 18/03/2021 20:55

Surely if you have covid then chances are your baby has it too? Some of these rules don’t make sense.

Original poster

sleeplessinthecountryside · 18/03/2021 20:58

Another thought..... the childminder hasn't asked anything about my baby at all. Only about nap times. 😬

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Fruitteatime · 18/03/2021 21:07

I visited two childminders in autumn 2020 and they both let me visit their home with other children present; the nurseries I visited allowed visits after hours. This wasn't during a lockdown though. Once I'd confirmed with the childminder that I wanted him to go to her he had two two hour settling sessions and two morning settling sessions before doing full days with her. I didn't come in with him at all after the initial visit. He was almost 2 years old so a quite different to a one year old as he could walk in the door and he settled straight away, always happy to go in despite never being left with anyone except his me and his Dad. She did send me a form where I could write about my ds, what he likes playing or eating, what's his routine for sleep etc. I know yours is a lot younger but thought I'd share what our experience has been starting new childcare in a pandemic!

OverTheRainbow88 · 18/03/2021 21:08

Maybe you need to use the next month to get your DD use to be around others and seeing lots of new faces! Maybe go to the park on the swings etc.

Can you ask to meet the CM in a playground or somewhere first?

At least you know the childminder well if she cared for your other child.

OverTheRainbow88 · 18/03/2021 21:09

@NichyNoo

Kids are much less likely to spread it than adults

MyCatHatesOtherCats · 18/03/2021 21:11

I must say, it seems a bit odd - as pp pointed out, if you have Covid, the baby probably has it too. I can see the logic but still. Our childminder (who we know well as our eldest has been going for a while) had me and DC2 round for a play, and then next time I left DC2 for a short period.

I really sympathise, mine is a lockdown baby too, though we’ve dipped in and out of baby classes when able to, but he’s never been left with anyone other than me and DP. But despite this, he has settled very quickly after a few wobbly settling-in sessions - we had him do a week of half days before he started full days.

Honestly, I think our childminder was more nervous than me - she has another lockdown baby as well who has struggled to settle, so she was worried. But he has been ok and we now have tear-free drop-offs after a couple of months.

In terms of what I would expect the childminder to want to know, ours still had me fill in loads of forms and wanted to know about nap times and how he’s used to being settled, food/allergies, how I serve food (eg to what extent do I purée/mash food, how confident he was with finger foods), how much milk he was having/whether he took a bottle and when he was used to being offered milk, any medical issues, any fears, did he have a comforter/dummy, and that’s just the stuff I can think of off the top of my head.

Original poster

sleeplessinthecountryside · 18/03/2021 21:11

@NichyNoo

Surely if you have covid then chances are your baby has it too? Some of these rules don’t make sense.

@NichyNoo I know I completely agree. We are all from the same household. Xx

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Redskyyy · 18/03/2021 21:14

@sleeplessinthecountryside I have April lockdown babies too and they are also terrified of strangers having been around my parents but that’s it. I wouldn’t be comfortable with leaving them at the door at all. We have a nanny starting in June and she will come 2 mornings a week during May for settling in sessions. Could you do some outside meet ups before she starts at the CM? I wouldn’t worry about the delayed crawling but would want to discuss the food/ choking/ make a plan of what is ok and how to gradually wean her.

pleasestoprainingplease · 18/03/2021 21:30

I've started two new little ones since covid. One started at 9 months then other at 20 months. I went on lots of walks with the families. We video called a few times too with babies in the background just so I was more familiar.

I can honestly say they've settled so well. I was a little apprehensive, however both sets of parents have been wonderful & were accepting at the time of the circumstances which made the whole thing less traumatic. The little ones saw their parents were confident & happy to hand over to me with a big smile (it's hard I know, I have left my own at nursery crying a few times) but even if you plaster on that smile it's reassuring for the little ones.

We did a quick hand over at the door & then we started with 2 x 1 hour sessions one week. Then 2 x 2 hour sessions the following week & then we did 2 x 4 hour sessions. I find the younger they are they tend to settle better in my experience.

At the beginning I sent reassuring videos & photos of the little ones through the day. Now they get a bunch of photos at the end of each day. They have both settled very well.

Like a PP mentioned. I made sure to have all the information about the little ones first. Routines, fav toys, fav nursery rhymes. Names of siblings, any favourite books. They both gave me something from home for the cots that now live here & honestly it really has worked out very well.

I do think it must be so difficult, although hopefully reassuring that your eldest went there? Will they ever be there together? Definitely go for walks or to the park with the childminder & tell her. Be completely honest. You're really concerned & it would be helpful for you to get frequent updates whilst she settles, how many other little ones will be there. If she has the time to update you I'm sure she'll be more than happy to. With new mindees it's pretty standard to give frequent updates for reassurance.

It will be lovely in this weird time that she will be making little friends to start exploring the world with

littleredberries · 19/03/2021 06:21

Hi OP.

Over here you can make masked visits after hours. No-one expects you to hand over your child without a proper inspection, so everyone is being accommodating and making themselves more available. In one case they did let me come during the day, even in lockdown, which wasn't strictly "correct" but there's a lot of empathy in the childcare sector over here.