Au pairs - Do let on that you have one or keep it QT

[beachfeet]

I have had AP?s for a few years now and generally don?t mentioned it ? even at work , I try to avoiding the ?raised eyebrow look? or the comments from other dads about ?attractive young in the house? I will only discuss our DA with very close friends. We live in a small village and have only come across the odd family with live nanny or AP.

I have just discovered our DA has been the topic of speculation by the school gate gossips, and who usually ignore poor DA, except if they want her to do some cleaning or babysitting. Last week my MIL heard them comment about exploited Eastern European AP?s. DA told me they have recently been quizzing her about where she sleeps, how much earns and what she does for our family ? I would say this is bloody nosy!!

Does anyone else find this ??

I never mention it - if it every comes up in conversation - ie, someone says, oh where are the kids, then I do say, but I quickly gloss over it.

I've been having them for about 2 years and yes, friends and family are v. nosy. I tell them what AP does (if they ask) but won't tell them how much I pay her I just say, oh it would embarrass her if I were to tell people what she earned.

If anyone is rude enough to tell you you are exploiting your au pair - then say something along the lines of

"yes, I keep her locked in the house all day, she sleeps in the cellar and I feed her bread and water when I'm feeling generous"

that out to shut them up.

lol Beach...Am so glad I'm not the only one! We're the only family in our hamlet with AP...I now tell everyone everything..(not all true!) Otherwise they just speculate..

I told my very nosy (and none too pleasant) neighbour that my first AP was my husbands daughter from his first marriage...

LOL I should start to invent a story along those lines?
The thing is ?the school gate gossips never ask me any thing about AP ( as they know they won?t get much and what annoys me more, is that the usual group of mums never even acknowledge AP (not even a hello) but think it o.k to jump straight in and ask personal questions.

I have had comments along the lines of ??what do you do all day then? then I feel like I have to justify having an AP

Beachfeet, all SAHMs have the "what do you do all day" comments dont worry about it. Honestly, people are just being plain nosy.

I don't think its a good idea to let your AP do cleaning or babysitting for other people. Mums are always dropping heavy hints about this to me or my au-pair - my last au pair even got poached by one of the mums - she had only been with me 8 weeks and I had just finished "house-training" her LOL. Poaching APs even worse than asking nosy questions about them IMO

Beachfeet, all SAHMs have the "what do you do all day" comments dont worry about it. Honestly, people are just being plain nosy.

I don't think its a good idea to let your AP do cleaning or babysitting for other people. Mums are always dropping heavy hints about this to me or my au-pair - my last au pair even got poached by one of the mums - she had only been with me 8 weeks and I had just finished "house-training" her LOL. Poaching APs even worse than asking nosy questions about them IMO

doh

Gosh, I've got all this to come have I? I must admit, when I told somebody I was getting an aupair, they asked me when I was going back to work..... I'm not! Our street will be fine, as we're not the first, but family may be another matter!

Nametaken ? a family whom our last AP cleaned & babysat for tried to poach her it ?TBH it?s happen a few times, our current AP has also had an offer. Its so annoying to think that I have done all the ground work;?house training, agency fees, sorting out college and travel, only for someone else to think they can get the benefit. I?m afraid I can?t think of way to prevent AP cleaning for other people it?s always in her own time and never interferes with me?.I have had the frank discussion with AP about families trying to poach.

I agree SHM do get the same. I now work from home and family still can?t understand why we have an AP and sometimes feel AP taking over or treading toes when it comes to their grand children.

My friend in Dulwich has her AP's poached on a regular basis it seems! Honestly,..I find it quite incredible that a woman would do this to another!

I thought it was absolute social death to commit this type of theft! Def frowned upon at my DCs school, where APs are two a penny!

Totally agree ? why even bother to poach and risk social death!! anyway my AP felt flattered to be ?head hunted ? and I had great satisfaction knowing AP had turned the offer down. I sent with AP ( to pass onto the mum) a list of agencies ? which also mentioned all the things you need to do for AP including there fee?s ?.and made it clear it was from me

Beachfeet like your style