In-laws vs child minder...help please!

[NCNCNNC]

Both of us worked full time up until Nov when I had our second DC. Prior to that, child care was split between in-laws (2 days) and child minder (3 days). We pay DGP's same daily rate as the CM (to be fair, they were really reluctant to accept) but more to keep formal arrangements, pay for petrol, food, nappies to keep at theirs etc and not feel as though we are using them for free child care.

DH has great paternity leave and is only just due to return to work.

DC1 (nearly 2) still has her place at the child minder. I'm keen for her to return for 2 days in total honestly to catch up on some sleep, housework and have a warm cup of tea. Totally get the risk and willing to take it. Worked in a school a week throughout my pregnancy so figure this is less risky and CM is keen on keeping her business going.

Now DGP's unexpectedly mentioned today that they are looking forward to seeing DC1 next week. I've mentioned well in advance that we were sending her back to the CM mainly for the interaction with other children. MIL then said yes but this was before the recent spike in cases, why would you want her to get all the germs of the other kids?!

DGP's will definitely be lower risk but she will do exactly what she would be doing at home, playing, reading, going for a walk etc. The CM offers interactive play with others - God knows when we would be able to do this again! She can see her little friends again and having spent 1 year out of her nearly 2 - I would rather keep those relationships going for the moment.

Be honest - is my thinking warped??

Hi, I can understand your issue, my in-laws have stopped caring for my niece and nephew as my nephew is in nursery until they have had had their jabs. They gave my sister in law ( their daughter the, or nursery only Or them and they choose nursery)

Carry on with CM for the 2 days

Social interaction is important for this age tho many will disagree and say they don’t need it

abs let gps have for a morning /afternoon or even whole day

Still gives you 4 days including weekend

We have the same dilemma and have opted for DD to go back to nursery due to the social interaction and more wide ranging activities. Now that DS has arrived We’ve formed a support bubble with my parents as my mum doesn’t work so once DH goes back to work I can have some adult company during the day (mum usually has DD 2 days a week anyway) and then in laws will get half a day or full day as usual unless I have plans

I’m v pro nursery and child minders- it’s a variation to being at home (and that’s all because everything else is shut).

Another vote for still using CM. Our lo is in nursery and loves it. Came home yesterday and said occupation means job, definitely learnt at nursery following early years and cm has to do the same

I'd go with CM, it's important for her to have her friends to play with.

Thanks all. Yeah decided it will be the CM. DH told MIL yesterday morning. She cried and said it was the only thing they have to look forward to during lockdown. She's not been in touch since nor responded to messages to see how she is. Will call early next week - hopefully she will have calmed down then.

You’re allowed an informal childcare bubble as well as your registered childminder so could you go back to 2 days childminder and 1 day grandparents. Or alternatively, could grandparents pick up little one from childminder at lunchtime and have them for the afternoon? Therefore, still getting interaction with other children and accessing wary education but also, keeping a relationship with grandparents.

*early not wary!

Let her sulk. It’s not about MIL and her selfish needs - it’s about your DD and her development

@NCNCNNC

Thanks all. Yeah decided it will be the CM. DH told MIL yesterday morning. She cried and said it was the only thing they have to look forward to during lockdown. She's not been in touch since nor responded to messages to see how she is. Will call early next week - hopefully she will have calmed down then.

You’ve made the right choice , your daughter and her social development is your concern . Your MIL sounds quite manipulative .

Same situation my DD2 was born in October 2020. DD1 (19 months) had been at childminder 3 days a week and I've kept her there. Initially as had planned c section and didn't know how I'd cope with 2 under 1.5 post op. But haven't stopped as she loves it, sees her friends, in-laws are too anxious to help out even if she wasn't there so there's no other support, gives me a break with the newborn and keeps us all sane! For me that's worth the risk and covid has been avoided at the CM the whole pandemic so far. 100% think you've made the right choice x

Pleased to know that the social interaction is important for others too. MIL doesn't want to form an informal bubble because it puts them at risk even though they've had her up until I went on maternity in Nov. She mentioned the infection increase of the new strain. Totally get this. But it appears now that she was expecting us to cancel the CM so they could have her on those days. She's definitely not happy but hopefully will come around and understand it is the play with other children none of us can provide otherwise. If not, well she is not my mother

I think you've made the right choice. The little ones who didn't come to me through lockdown and went solely to grandparents have really struggled in sharing turn taking and independence. Some lost skills they had before like self care.