Childcare for a 2 month old - WFH or Nursery / Childminder

[winnie3838]

Hi,

I am 12wks pregnant with my first child and just thinking ahead about our options once the baby is here.

I only get statutory maternity pay through my work and coupled with the nature of my job i will need to go back to work after 8 weeks (will save a couple of weeks annual leave to take the 6 weeks up to 8). My partner is the main bread winner so no option for him to take time off beyond his 2 weeks paternity leave.

We both work from home and although my partner has many meetings during the day, i only have a couple of meetings a week, very few work calls and no client calls. I work 30hrs per week and my partner FT.

I am looking for advice on whether it would be better for us to try to look after the baby between the two of us at home for a few months (something my employer is open to as a number of other colleagues have done/do this) or would it be better for the baby to go to a nursery / other childcare. We would probably be able to have some family support 1 day per work or perhaps 2 half days per week too as my partners mother is retired.

Thanks in advance for your replies

Have a look at some of the covid threads of people trying to wfh and homeschool kids. I'd say a newborn, if it has the temperament of my oldest, is massively more time consuming than a primary aged child.
I'd strongly suggest getting some childcare in place. Do you work 4 days? If you did 3 days during the week, with a grandparent covering one day, paid childcare for 2 days, and did your 4th day over the weekend, when your partner could care for baby, could that be workable?

Honestly, you are not irreplaceable at work. If you can afford it by saving now, I would look into delaying your return for another month or 2.

@rainbowscalling

What is an in house childminder? Do you mean a nanny?

Have you got all the info you need about your finances and really considered whether you can afford longer off? Do run everything through the turn2us benefits calculator unless you are really high earners. You continue to accrue annual leave while off.
I know it used to be more common to take v short mat leaves and is still in the states, can you speak to some people who have done?

Yes i could potentially do a day on the weekend @TierFourTears - thank you for that suggestion.

@Cupoftchaiagain my partner earns between £70-80k a year so i don't think we would qualify for any type of child related benefits. We haven't told any friends about our pregnancy yet - just close family, but i will definitely get some advice from them when we do :)

I would go for a nanny in your circumstances to give yourself clear periods to work properly. There are quite a few associated costs above an agreed hourly rate though to be aware of which you wouldn't need to pay a nursery.

Pension (think it's 3% minimum these days)
Paying company such as nanny tax to do payroll and manage pension
Their food while in the house
Their mileage for any trips out
Trips, clubs, soft play etc.

Thank you @starsinyourpies

There’s a blogger/instagrammer called Meet the Wildes (I think I’ve seen her on here too actually) who went back to work at about 2w after her babies, if I remember correctly. Her wife stayed at home with the children, so different from a childcare point of view, but she probably has some reassuring content about going back to work earlier than many mums do.

You really, really need to consider that this just might not be possible. Birth can still leave you pretty wrecked at 8 weeks in and you can't control that. A difficult baby, and or PND, can also leave you wrecked. The combination is even worse (I could barely fill in my son's birth registration form at 6 weeks post birth, never mind anything more mentally taxing). How would you plan going back to work after any other sort of major medical experience (surgery, cancer treatment) where all the advice was to take longer off?

Of course none of the above may end up applying, you may have an easy birth and an easy baby (in which case, nanny, but still don't underestimate how your emotions and priorities may change after the birth). But pushing yourself on if you have the more difficult end of the range of experiences is really a recipe for breakdown.

Thanks @borageforager will take a look!

Thanks @FraterculaArctica, i will think about it carefully and i realise that really so much of it depends on the birth and the baby. I did have surgery at the start of this year and had to stay over at the hospital as i didn't recover well from the general anaesthetic and was advised to take some time off but i went back to work the day after and found it fine as my work is just from home and at a laptop and it's very chilled and i can do it from bed or the sofa. Realise this is a whole different kettle of fish tho.

I would get your DP to take time off when you return. He must at least be able to take some annual leave. Possibly he could even delay some of his 2 weeks paternity leave until then. If you had family help some days then he could take a few days off per week for a few weeks to stretch things and to allow you time to work.

Personally I would choose a childminder over a nursery for a very little baby, as it gives them a primary care giver. In my experience a nanny is about twice the cost.

As babies get mobile (around 6m) I can't imagine trying to work around them for any significant amount of time. So unless you do large amounts of evenings etc you will need childcare of some sort.

Your DH is on an incredible wage OP. There must be some way that you can work things so that your baby can be cared for by its parents while it is so tiny and bonding is so important?
I think it would be worth doing whatever you can to make sure that one of you can be with the baby in the first year, even if it means giving up that campaign.

I hope all works out for you OP. I was in a similar situation to you when going on maternity leave. I really wanted to run my project myself and planned to return to work quickly to do so. In hindsight I am so glad my employer found maternity cover for me. At 6 weeks I was barely able to walk after a difficult birth and the thought of working and not being with my precious baby was unthinkable. My priorities completely changed over night and could not have less about work after holding my baby. Even though my work can be easily done from home at hours to suit. It may not be the same for you but I would consider a back up plan for your work in case you change your mind! Good Luck

Completely your choice but it’s not like you’re the only person who can perform a certain type of brain surgery. I think it’s odd you think no one could prep a campaign well enough to the point you chose to put that over your dc. I am very career minded but no way could I have gone back so soon - dd had colic and didn’t sleep. We’re all different and maybe you’ll find it different. I’ve only met mums who’ve gone back at 4 months and know they struggled, but again, that’s them. Be kind on yourself. I really am not being judgemental and it may work for you but your post concerns me from my own experience.

What if the baby arrives late OP? Then you’re looking at potentially going back 6 weeks after the birth. It’s doable certainly, I know of several women who have gone back even sooner but it definitely requires personal sacrifices and is not something I would have wanted to do. Nanny definitely for a baby that small. Do you want to breastfeed?

@borageforager

There’s a blogger/instagrammer called Meet the Wildes (I think I’ve seen her on here too actually) who went back to work at about 2w after her babies, if I remember correctly. Her wife stayed at home with the children, so different from a childcare point of view, but she probably has some reassuring content about going back to work earlier than many mums do.

But that is a completely different kettle of fish. Her child's other parent was an SAHP while the OP's partner is going to be working 40 hours a week.

also I hate to say this but I was utterly convinced I was indispensable at work and went back earlier than I really wanted to demonstrate my commitment to work despite having given birth.

A) I wasn't that indispensable and B) they actually didn't given two shits about the massive sacrifice that I felt I had made to keep the show on the road.

If this isn't your own business, I would think very carefully about the sacrifice you're making. Essentially you're prioritising your work over your baby

I had a similar plan and went back at 8 weeks. However I would advise against it. I put pressure on myself to be ready to return as before and my baby didn’t respond well to the separation. I quickly had to confront the question of what was more important- my career or my tiny baby.
Honestly, I really would exhaust all options to allow yourself to have more time off with your baby.

I am all in favour of supporting women and mothers to do what they want, and supporting working mothers etc, but I am struggling to get my head around going back to work at 8 weeks unless you absolutely LOVE your job and/or you're the prime minister or something. You need time to recover from the birth and adjust to life with a newborn, which is utterly exhausting.

You might feel that your job is crucial now but your priorities might change when baby arrives.

I also fail to understand why you can't afford to take more maternity leave, with a reduced income on just SMP, when your partner earns £70-80k/year! Do you share finances or split 50/50? Do you (as a couple or individually) have high outgoings and/or debts?

Given you get 90% of your salary for the first 6 weeks, surely with planning ahead now, saving, reducing outgoings etc, you could manage to take a few weeks on smp,then annual leave?

If you're both on low incomes you maybe eligible for benefits like universal credit etc.
Without being rude, what level of income are you in?

@winnie3838

Yes i could potentially do a day on the weekend *@TierFourTears* - thank you for that suggestion.

@Cupoftchaiagain my partner earns between £70-80k a year so i don't think we would qualify for any type of child related benefits. We haven't told any friends about our pregnancy yet - just close family, but i will definitely get some advice from them when we do :)

Sorry just saw this.

Tbh, I don't think that you're being realistic. Nor can I really understand why you'd be having a baby if you are prioritising a work campaign over being with your baby.

I went back to work at 10 weeks, nursery couldn't take baby until 12 weeks so juggled two weeks between WFH and family help. Husband was deployed but all was fine. Just got ourselves in a routine, batch cooked on weekends, outsourced the ironing and had an occasional cleaner. You do what's right for you
(oh and that was with a non sleeper too)

Plenty of people are only entitled to SMP but plan for their mat leave so they can actually have time off with their baby. I run my own business and planned a year off with my first. Unexpectedly had to return after 4 months instead and it was excruciating - I just wanted to be with my tiny baby. They're only that tiny and small for so long, and they need their parents not a nanny. 8 weeks in is still 'fourth trimester' territory and frankly it isn't in the baby's interests to be away from you for so long.

I would seriously reconsider your plans. At 4 months I cried most of the day every day leaving my baby, and I had the privilege of her being with her grandma whilst I worked instead of formal childcare, for only 6 hours per day. It was the hardest thing and not in mine or my baby's best interests.

Youre having a baby. You need to put the baby first before work or anything else.

I almost couldn’t be bothered to respond. I’m all for working mothers, I have two children and a reasonably busy, mid-senior role. I enjoy my career. But I took 9-12 months off with each child.

With DC1 I was utterly physically and mentally broken by his arrival. No amount of careful consideration could have prepared me for how I would be after. I couldn’t sit down for 6 months, and DS was the crankiest baby. Going back to work, when he was 11 months old was definitely a positive step for me, but under 6 months would have been impossible.

DC2 gave me a much easier time, but still that time at home with him was so precious. It’s irreplaceable.

The main thing is, though, that childcare is really expensive, so you might find it doesn’t matter so much financially. When I went back after DC1, more than 50% of my take home pay was going on childcare; after DC2, with two in nursery, my whole pay packet was wiped out for a while.

So maybe think carefully about whether going back to work so soon really is the best thing for you both. Having a child is a big deal, even if you want the high flying career. And it’s totally ok to take some time off to get used to the changes in your life.

Join a due date Facebook group. It will be full of American mums some of whom will plan to go back to work even sooner than you, some will have done it with their older children. It’s so unusual in the UK we tend to see it as impossible to cope with but it’s the only choice for a lot of mums elsewhere in the world and they make it work somehow.

I do agree with other posters that there are huge downsides to pushing yourself to go back so early but if it’s what you are going to do you’d be better off asking mothers who are used to the idea of a quick return to work.

You're either going to have to try and manage or get a nanny - most nurseries won't take babies under 6 months.

That's not true. Lots take them from around 6 weeks plus

I did work from home with DD here 1 day a week out of 5 but stopped when she was 6 months and started crawling - it wasn't safe for her or fair that she didn't have my attention and felt bad that I couldn't giver her the attention she deserved