Partner stresses me out working from home

[Februarygirl]

I just want to get this off my chest as it is really stressing me out and has been going on for ages! My partner and I are both WFH because of Covid-19. We both work PT. I look after our 18-month old one day a week and he looks after him two days a week. One day a week he is with my partner's parents. That leaves one day when we need to look after him while both working. It is becoming really stressful as my partner expects me to do most of it, but makes a big fuss if for example I leave our son crying for more than 20 seconds because I'm in the middle of something. He keeps telling me to "stop putting work first", and I feel like I'm fighting to be allowed to work at all on those days. He has now just announced that he will not help at all with the baby any more on those days, because he would be happy for his parents to have him, and I don't want them to have him more than once a week (long story). But he has vetoed a day at nursery because he thinks our son is too young. Now I am writing all this it sounds really petty and I know it's only one day, but I am just worn out with the lack of compromise and constant making me feel bad. We have another baby on the way too! Just need to vent!

Your boyfriend is refusing to help with your baby anymore when you're working and wants the baby to go to his parents for three days instead of one? What does he want to do with those three days he isn't working and has no child to look after?

You don't sound petty at all, he sounds awful. How old is your boyfriend?

39! He just says the baby could go for one extra day to his parents, but yeah, part of the problem is that he is so easily distracted when working from home that it's always my fault when he doesn't get things done. He is helpful sometimes, just when he's in a bad mood or things aren't going well I feel like he takes it all out on me.

You can't work from home and look after an 18 month old. It's not possible, just need childcare. Either his parents or nursery. Or you come to some agreement that you have the child in the morning and he takes him in the afternoon, then you both work the evening.

Lots of people have juggled wfh and toddlers during covid because its exceptional circumstances but it normal times it wouldn't happen, you'd have childcare. You can't do your job and be responsible for an 18 month old.

Where would he be if you were both working at work (rather than home)?

He sounds like a dickhead. Is that a new development?

I'd let his parents have him. Or ... say you'll do the morning and he can do the afternoon - he can use his parents in the afternoon if he wants to. I'm not sure whether that would work with your work. If you are worried about using a nursery, maybe a childminder would work better for you, or a nanny 1 day a week.