CM CLUB:Advice please and fast!

[MissInvisible]

mindee who has been lashing out at dd and verbally bullying the other(older) chlidren has just hit my 22 month old mindee cos he had a book bag she wanted!

im texting mum this time instead of waiting to speak to her tonight, have said what she has done and said i dont know why she is lashing out and itneeds to be sorted out fast..help any experience any of you??

Morning

You need a serious sit down meeting with this mum. Organise it with her, sit her down, explain (facts only) her violence, tantrums etc. That it is unfair on your children and the others you childmind. Tell her you need to work together on this or you will have to reassess the situation as you have to consider everyone in your care. What if 22m old's mum took him out as she understandably did not want her child smacked everyday by another older child). You do awful hours for this one and she will hopefully realise you are serious and sort it. This child is old enough to know and you can't do it all on your own. I would also reassess your late nights - tell her overnights only on these nights as tiredness will not be helping her behaviour.

Agree with Kay - I once had mindee with terrible behaviour at times but it's because of the way things were at home.....ended up telling them that I'd had other mindee's mum threaten to leave if I don't give notice (true) and so I talked to mum, explained things but I could tell they wouldn't change things at home so when it happened again, I gave notice. I'm so glad I did, even though I was down income....I would have been anyway if other gave me notice!

Good luck hun x

I have older siblings that I do odd hours for, who physically fought (and I mean really fought) with each other. I told mum I would give noticce on the spot next time it happened as I didn't want to risk younger mindees leaving over it, or someoone getting hurt, and they have been good ever since!

Bite the bullet and do it, at least you will have tried.

ok mum has text back that we can speak tonight..but mindee will be there and if i leave them (mindee's and dd) thats just asking for trouble isnt it!), should i say wait till monday when shes back at school ? or just speak tonight them mindee can see mum IS doing something about it!

off to activity for most of day now, will check back later, thanks evryone and can you answer, why do I feel like im in trouble?????

She is four. I think it would be helpful for her to see you sat with her mum telling her what she has been doing, and hearing that you will not keep on accepting it. She needs to see that you and mum talk to each other about what's been happening in your home.

Set something out for them to keep them busy while you chat, do it today while that little 22m old's face is fresh in your mind, don't put it off.

Don't feel bad, you are doing all you can but unless mum comes onside with you this situation will not improve, you can only do so much. Is mindee's behaviour the same at school and home?

mumrang me while we were out today, i explained what had a=happend this morning and told her i was now logging all these things and it HAD to stop.
I said she seems angry and upset one minute and calm the next?, i told her i think it 'could' be down to changes starting nursery(other kids and the way they play) and tiredness due to her longshifts, early mornings late nights.

mum said she tells her everymorning "what DONT we do at xx(mine)"?.."what DO we do at xxxx"? followed by no hitting no pushing and so on.

i said we both need to work on this and although i wouldnt expect her to come in all guns blazing after her dd hit someone 8 hours ago, i would expect her to talk to her when she picked her up and instill into her over and over agian that this does not happen!, prevention before cure i think, so i said i was doing three things..!: A list of house rules(DO NOT HIT, DO NOT SHOUT OR UPSET EACHOTHER, etc), B: a star chart for each child, so her dd can visually see if she is doing well(or not) and c: whenever i leav the room now, mindee will come with me and will not be left alone with the other children.

Mum agreeed to it all and has said she will also do the star chart so we a re both working together to come to the same conclusion!

fingers crossed!

she has been fine all afty, but then mindee 2's dad forgot his teddy and dummy this morning(he CANT sleep without them) so has just spent the last 20 minutes screaming the house down as he is sooo tired and couldnt drop of without these!(he has finally out of exhaustion i think!)

sorry Kay, didnt answer you there!, mum says she crys at the slightest thing at home but thats as much as i know? and at school they have not said anything to me?, but i will speak to teacher when they go back(and mum is too) to keep an eye on her/her behaviour/other childrens behaviour with her etc?