Au Pairs & Discipline

[ingles2]

So,...following on from tonights scaletrix incident...I've told AP she has to stop trying to be DC friend all the time and start thinking like the responsible adult...Be firm, don't get into discussions (usually long rambling ones when dc got bored 10 mins ago) and mean it...
Am I asking too much? What does everyone else do?

Haven't read your other thread but yes, you don't need to spell out what you want the au pairs to do. It's a minefield. Occasionally you do get one who's instinctively on your wavelength, but it is a bit of a lottery!

right, only just hunted for the thread - sorry.

No I think (in an ideal world) the AP should be acting as the responsible adult if she is minding them, even if you are in the house.

How old are your DCs compared to her age? A GF always has to have older APs as her teenage DD (13 going on 19) does not respect the APs if they are too young. A problem I had a little with my 7 yr old DD and a very fun (and fab) 17 yr old AP - luckily mine are fairly placid and have been beaten into submission by me over the years.

Perhaps you need to give her some coping strategies, not exactly doing a role play but examples of appropriate responses.

I'm having the opposite problem with my new AP (re the tugging of toys and enforcing toothbrushing) but perhaps it's that she sees that I am quite strict? But actually I am being stricter with the DCs at mo as I am fed up with her being useless. We will be having (yet another) realignment meeting on Mon as soon as DCs return to school/nursery but then she gets 2 weeks to pull har finger out or she is out.

I have now written out reams of very basic stuff which I hoped that I wouldn't have to do with a 24 yr old who has lived away from home for 3 yrs, which includes 'after your breakfast on your days off (which she choses to not take with the family) you must either wash up your bowl, plate, cup, glass and cutlery or put it in the dishwasher' (ffs) actually perhaps I should just put 'meals' so as not to be too specific?

Good luck.

I'm wondering if I've overloaded her with info Aly,...I always do a handbook outling all the rules, discipline etc, contract, and cos I'm freelance spend at least a week with them going through it all. In my defence she is not what I'd call a natural with the kids,..and she seems to think my ds's are really hard work cos 1 or the other will answer her back once a week! Part of me would like to say, go on find another family and see how easy it was here! However she is the most responsible and the nicest I've had all year so don't really want to let her go...oh moan moan..listen to me! by the way she's 24 kids are 6 & 8
As for your AP it sounds like the complete opposite problem, a bit over zealous..my 1st AP was like this to begin with but it did settle down and in the end she was fantastic! It took a couple of months though. I think all the written stuff is a good idea...am v. shocked about you havng to tell her to wash up though! Cheeky cow...
God it's such bloody hard work!