Is it reasonable to ask Nanny to socialise?

[ireallyamthewalrus]

I’m going back to work in a few months and planning to employ a nanny part time, live out nanny. I really like the idea of one-to-one care but I’m now getting nervous that DD will never socialise with other children.

Obviously most playgroups aren’t running and socialising is largely prohibited, but in anticipation of us being able to do so at some point, is it reasonable to expect a Nanny to take her to playgroups or arrange play dates at our house or in the park? I would consider a NWOC which would help but I would still like her to get out and about.

When we recruit I was thinking of saying something like ‘We are seeking a Nanny who will combine one-to-one care with facilitating opportunities for our daughter to socialise with other children’. Is that reasonable? Could I ask anyone I interview to prepare a rough outline of how they might structure their time?

How old will the baby be? I really wouldn't worry under 18months

Of course it's reasonable - that's the whole point of getting a nanny, so that you can say what you want done eg play groups, activities etc rather than your child having to fit in with the childcare setting whether nursery/childminder. When we had nannies I had activities pretty much daily and encouraged the nanny to invite others over for playdates etc. and also when the dcs were older organised playdates where the nanny was in charge of the dc + child dropped off.
You need to work out what you want and interview the nanny with that in mind and anyone who pushes back is not the nanny for you.

Completely reasonable but be wary of the nanny who has worked locally for years and has a huge network of friends or your house will be open doors.

@Northernsoullover she will be one and a bit when I go back to work and I get she won’t be able to form friendships at that stage but she seems captivated by other children and I just don’t want her to miss out especially as she is unlikely to get a sibling.

@MrsFogi Thanks that’s good to know! I think ideally I’d like someone who could do a mix of playgroup/activities combined with play dates and home activities like reading books or crafts or baking or whatever. I don’t want to be prescriptive but I just don’t think someone who wants to spend all day at home just the two of them is for us.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Thanks. We are quite ‘open house’ people (in normal times) so I am ok with play dates here but I see your point and thank you for raising it. perhaps I need to consider if we have limits on our hospitality.

There is a fine line between allowing precedents to be set that you are not comfortable with and creating a heavy rules and regs environment. It can take time to find someone you trust implicitly with your child and you will let thing go that you would never accept elsewhere if your child loves and adores their nanny. As they should. As a working parent, it will sting occasionally but better an attachment to a caring individual than a carer who is ambivalent.

Small things can build resentments on both sides and so it's my advice to try to be candid about your expectations early on. Go with your gut instinct if you are not comfortable but it's useful to remember that spending all day with a small child and no adult conversation can be a very long one also.
How do ensure the child in your care has interactions with other children? What sort of activities do you enjoy doing? What do you dislike most but do anyway?
How do you build up social interaction and relationships with other nannies/parents? The latter is unlikely in my experience unless they are the same nationality.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams thanks for this really useful advice. Although I’m experienced at recruiting to roles at work and dealing with staff issues, I can see it will be very different if the person is looking after my daughter every day and in my home. I can see why so many people use a nursery as an easy option! But I do feel a Nanny is the best option for us overall so I’m going to put the work in.

I’m a nanny. Nannies will want to socialise with other nannies and attend groups. It’s very lonely otherwise. You don’t need to specify this. You can say you are happy for your little one to be taken to groups and have play dates.
But be wary as some nannies do not meet up for their charges benefit, but their own. You want to steer clear of ‘needy’ nannies who can’t spend anytime /days without meeting up. In my opinion play dates should be an hour or two, maybe over lunch at the most. I have nannie friends who want to come for the day!
Nannies should not be confused with babysitters. Nannies should have a childcare qualification and be aware of child development. Providing play that is age appropriate and enhances stage of development.

You sound like all of my ex employers

I always say I am a sociable nanny and go out every day to an activity /play in park /feed ducks /play dates

Chikdren and the nanny need interaction. Same as I do as a mum with my now toddler

Sure you will find a lovely nanny

Our nanny meets up with different people most days with DS2 who is 15 months. They might meet up in the park for an hour after school run for DS1 or they go on day trips to farms, mornings at soft play (when not in tier 4!).

She has a great network, and is always really conscious of mixing DS2 with children a similar age. This all changes up when DS1 is off school and they meet up with different people with a similar age group to DS1.

If there are classes running on the days she has DS2 she happily takes him, they're normally quite nanny heavy in my area so she has made friends there and they will go out for lunch after the class normally.

We are more than happy to accommodate her play dates here as well, if she's hosting over lunch she will provide that for her friends. All I ask is pre warning in case DH or I is working from home that day. She always asks if it's ok though which is great.

I'd like to think we have a good relationship and it's open in both ways. If she has a problem she'll raise it straight away and vice versa.

That is good but beware if your home / hospitality being abused. As a nanny employer I was more comfortable with these meet ups being at groups, playground ds etc than in my home.

@ireallyamthewalrus it is so nice to hear you are open to nanny with own children. It is such a fabulous option, I thought this even before I had my own, but am now really struggling to find a job where I can take my little one it’s quite depressing really after 15 years some charge experience.

Most good nannies strike a good balance of getting out to playground/ parks and play dates and time for little one to chill and home just playing what they want so not sure you gave to advertise for that specifically but do bring it up when interviewing people.

IME good, experienced nannies have or develop a network of other nanny friends and do playgroups, playdates, trips out etc by default (in a normal world anyway). As PP say you may want to check references and ensure that the nanny continues to focus on the child during playgroups/playdates rather than socialising with their own friends. You also got good advice around being explicit with your expectations, while also recognising that your nanny is a human being. It can be a tricky relationship as it is both a professional one and very intimate and personal. But being upfront but realistic about your preferences, and raising important stuff early, really helps. (Nanny employer for 5 years now.)

I am a nanny and personally think it’s great you are open to this , it’s equally important for the nanny & child that they get social interaction with both adults & children through the week , so many parents are not happy with having play dates or meeting other nannys and I find it so strange !

If your nanny is professional she will already have a network of nannys and other mums she is friends with in the area , she will make a effort to plan play dates , days out., attend groups with children of similar age to your child to
Make sure your child has plenty of interaction with other children ❤️