Re: Nannies

[Maryhs]

Hi everyone,

I wanted some advice on nannies. In the space of 5 months, i have changed 3 Nannies and I’m getting a bit disheartened and frustrated. So I will give context on the ones we have had so far:

Nanny 1: She was good, very good with my little one who was 3 months then, however she wanted cash in hand and we were eligible for help with childcare costs, so we had to let her go. (Also we weren’t happy with her paying no taxes!)

Nanny 2: Had to be told every 5 mins what to do. Our baby wouldn’t settle with her at all and she was constantly crying. Once i left her with the nanny for an hour, only to come back to my baby shaking and crying non stop. It wasnt her fault - for some reason my baby was frightened of her.
The nanny wasn’t proactive at all. In her first 2 weeks she took 2 days off. Was constantly talking about taking my little one to the pub to see her nanny friends and the kids they were looking after - but when at home she did nothing with her whatsoever.

Nanny 3: started off really well but now has to be told everyday what to do. For example, could you make her milk or could you make her lunch. Once i told her to make squash for lunch and i came down because the baby was crying so much and i asked her why is she crying so she said because shes hungry - so i said why dont you give her lunch, “oh you said to make her squash but squash is a drink”. I said to her i meant butternut squash and you could’ve come upstairs to ask me if you were unsure.

She only takes her for a walk, has to be constantly told to engage the baby in the play gym or suggestions of what games to play etc

If she’s left to it, she just carries her around. Doesn’t bother reading her a book, playing a game etc. I have to tell her to tidy up after herself, or do the baby’s laundry etc etc the list is endless.

Is this the norm with nannies? Also i feel like we are being taken advantage of. We pick and drop her, offer her lunch and snacks and pay her a monthly wage - but shes obviously not even fulfilling her job role.

I am planning on getting rid of her but im not sure if i am justified?

Why are you there when the nanny is working?
I mean it’s obviously been a good thing, but it must be a bit uncomfortable for the professional.

I am a nanny . I am so different when parents are home I hate it .
Did laugh about the squash incident though .
Perhaps leave your nanny to t a bit more and not micro manage .

I am studying from home and returning back to work on march.

I am not micro managing at all. I have left all 3 nannies to it. The reason why I had to keep telling the second nanny was because if I came downstairs for a glass of water, she would pass the baby to me and be on her phone and wouldn’t bother asking for her back!

As for the 3rd nanny I was happy with her initially and would just brief her in the morning in regards to what to do but when it was time to leave I’d realise nothing is done. Even whilst the baby slept and she had 2-3 hours, she wouldnt bother washing up after herself, put the babies clothes away, wash etc

So I realised if i come down every now and then and “remind” her, things were done.

Are you using trained nannies or people who like children and have looked after their siblings?
Do you set out responsibilities in their contract?

It's hard to find good nannies! I got very very lucky and my untrained, inexperienced nanny I found on gumtree is now the centre of our family 6 years later. She's amazing and I couldn't imagine anyone being better than her. From the moment she arrived we clicked. And she, off her own back, just simply acted as my replacement while I work. She does everything I would have done if I hadn't been in work. Laundry, DIY, meals for everyone, errands, driving us places when needed etc. She loves the kids and is my right hand man. We message and laugh about what the kids are at over the weekend by text.

So I would say, gut feeling for a person is critical. You can't know how someone will turn out till much later so trust your gut to choose.

where do you find these nannies

maybe try an agency and get a nanny with baby exp

are the qualified professionals

what are you paying?

Yes they were all experienced, fully verified with updated dbs checks. I found them on childcare.co.uk after a recommendation from a friend.

I am paying £12 gross

I think you have been unlucky and need to find someone else who knows how to perform her job role and is pro-active during the day in finding things to do. It is incredibly hard to find someone you can trust to do such an important job properly. I did have luck twice on childcare.co.uk and we found 2 nannies on there but you do need to work on instinct and gut feeling during the interviews and have a trial period. I would go through the day and the baby's routine and ask them what they would do in the day and different scenarios. It's best if it's clear from the beginning what expectations are on both sides. I don't know where you are but I do think your gross salary is a little low. I'm in London outer borough and would expect to pay 13-15 gross per hour.

You do seem to have hit bad luck if all qualified baby nannies

Agree £12g is a bit low tho obv area depending

We are outside of london, there are nannies charging minimum wage per hourly rates. So i think we’ve been quite generous. Also, the rate was fixed by the Nanny not us. We had one nanny charge £15 gross but she was no better than the others.

I have interviewed some more but still haven’t found the right fit

The last nanny was getting picked and dropped off (as she requested that and we accepted it)
Free lunch and snacks and a wage but it was almost like she felt entitled to all the benefits - which wasn’t nice as she did nothing extra for us.

Anyways i just needed to rant!

I always had lunch and snacks :drinks in every job

That’s the norm

It may be the norm but atleast appreciate it. People in other professions do not get these liberties. Retail jobs have lower wages and do not get free lunch etc. Im not against offering it but I do think employment benefits should be appreciated.

If it is part of the job spec then it is part of it. No need to be grateful.

I think that unless you are very lucky you generally get what you pay for with childcare. £12 gross is pretty low for a nanny in London. Even if it is outer London.

Can Nannies really be expected to look after a small baby AND do the housework. I mean I do it, but spread across 16 hours. I’m not sure it’s reasonable.

Nannies don't do general cleaning, or cooking. They look after the children, feed them and keep their clothes clean

The successful nanny you describe who acted in your stead sounds more like a mother's help.

She didn't look after the child - esp when i stated that i had to ask her why the baby was crying so much? “Oh because shes hungry” “why haven’t you fed her?” “Because you told me to make squash but squash is a drink”.

Firstly - why couldn't she have clarified what I meant squash was?
Secondly - if she didn’t want to disturb me, why couldn’t she have cooked something else?
Thirdly - the baby was crying non stop for more than 20 mins, hence why i decided to come down and check - because thats not normal for her.

The nanny had put her in the baby swing and was doing nothing to rectify the situation.

Like i said i don't fix the price the nannies do. We have paid £15 gross too.

A small baby needs you to change a nappy and feed, otherwise she happily plays on her own till nap time. Naps last from 1-2.5 hours

Surely in those hours the nanny can have lunch, prepare her next meal and do anything else BABY related.

Tbh from my experience - and its been a BAD experience, I am not inclined to hire a nanny at all.

I rather pay a family member or extortionate nursery fees whereby I am sure my baby is looked after by someone properly than trust nannies who can’t even do their job roles and then want all the perks of the job too!

Not a normal experiment at all I think. Poor you, that's a very bad run!

I think you need to use an agency. Theyll be helpful in helping you structure the work of the nanny and find ones who know how things work. Thete are dozens of amazing nannies out there at the moment looking for work. Id speak to an agency and see whats available.

It is compketely normal to feed your nanny etc. I wouldnt expect a banby yo be steangrly grateful as its a standard part of a nanny position and it is expected ...its like an office worker having a desk!
You can expect your banny yo compketely look after your child if they are sole charge, are they? It makes a huge tifference. Thry should, once thry know your ideas about food dos and donts cook for and feed children autonomously. Thry dhould undrstand and be able yo instigate and rake oart in age appropriate play and entertainment, ckean ip after themselves (things they have used cooking for example) and wash your childs vlothes and kerp their room and things tidy and organised. Nothing else.
Agencies are very good at weeding out the better nannies and also finding ines that fit your style. They can help match each party's expectations and come to a good compromise. With differences if opinion. You only get the best options sent yo you to start with.
Most nannies really hate upu coming in and out when they are in charge, it tends to cause problems all around as the chikdren grow up.
If you werent at home you eould be unawareyour baby was having a crying session, it fies happen sometimes, the fact you are there means you are ultra alert.
For niw maje sure your nanny knows what your childs toutine us, what types of good you want them to be having, and decide in mutually agreeable nealtimes at which the child gets fed and given milk etc. State you want them to go for a walk or fo activity etc etc daily and do some type if activities. If you havent set up a strong structure whereby the nanny us torally in charge when she is there it will be problematic i feel.
Use a book to write important things down between you like tried a new food and hated it, or pkease try the new baby club at xyz. It will help the nanny feel more in control.

Shop workers get a lunch hour where they can go and buy lunch

Yes the norm but obv should appreciate it

Yes you have had bad luck with nannies

Did you check refs ? Did they have lots of baby exp. how long been nannying

No sane professional baby nanny would think of offering w baby squash drink

Either go via an agency or use out of own home childcare like a CM or nursery.

I think you might find you prefer a nursery and it would create a calmer home environment for you whilst you study. Maybe a Nanny when baby is a little older.

How much are your local nurseries/cm? DD goes to an excellent nursery which costs £51.50 per day, works out around £5 an hour for a 10 hr day. CMs are even cheaper. If you’re paying a nanny £12 p/h plus cost of employment isn’t that much more expensive? (Assuming you just have one child to care for).

My child is grown up now but when she was little I used to spend a week or so training even the most experienced nanny. Teaching them what to cook, how to cook, the schedule, everything, how to handle my baby.. Only when I felt they are ready to handle the job independently I would leave them with the child. I think you should try to invest your time into them.. but only if they are the right candidate of course.

When you are choosing these experienced nannies... do you check their references? If they were working well for previous employers and they’re not working well for you, that suggests something is not working with you.
Do you have a proper contract laying out responsibilities, holiday procedures etc.? That would have solved the problem with nanny #1 cash in hand and nanny #2 holiday and potentially also nannies not being sure what their job are.
Then as others have said you need to spend at least two days with them when they start work explaining exactly what you expect them to do and the baby’s routine, explaining what to do if not sure etc. Sounds like they are unclear and either they are not good employees (which your references will tell you) or you’re not being clear.
Ultimately you are the boss and it’s your job to make sure they’re working to your satisfaction and if not you have to tell them or it’s not fair.
(I’ve employed two nannies in the past 18mos by the way, both wonderful.)

@Maryhs

It may be the norm but atleast appreciate it. People in other professions do not get these liberties. Retail jobs have lower wages and do not get free lunch etc. Im not against offering it but I do think employment benefits should be appreciated.

Just saw this also. It’s important to remember that an ofsted registered nanny is a highly trained professional. He or she is more comparable to a healthcare worker or a teacher than a retail worker! They will have a proper qualification and various annual costs such as nanny insurance, first aid etc. They will also have many years of experience.

Nannies tend not to have good sick pay, good pension contributions or salary progression - but they do often get food.

Remember your nannies are also legally entitled to breaks as I’ve just seen you’re expecting them to do housework while your baby naps.