We have a live in nanny/housekeeper (not as grand as it sounds. We have a spare bedroom and it was cheaper than live out)
She is our fourth over the years and when we interviewed her we explained that our nannies have always cooked and eaten with the kids. We explained we were happy to provide all ingredients required. She is a slightly older lady - not a young aupair.
She started just before lockdown in March. Suddenly we were all home all the time. We probably didn't need live in help at that point but felt we had made a commitment and we're both working full time so it was a help with the kids.
I like to cook and somehow during that period she slightly inveigled herself on us making clear she'd like to eat the food I was making (albeit in her room) so I've found myself cooking every night and sending her a message that dinner is ready at which she comes down and picks it up. Not once has she ever offered to cook for us and some evenings I feel the pressure of getting a meal ready at a consistent time when I maybe would have just made a snack for us. When we splash out on a steak or something special I'm starting to resent the cost and expectation that I will cater equally for her and when I order takeaway I feel it's even more of an imposition. In the past I've shown her a menu and she's ordered the most expensive item (more than we would spend on ourselves).
She wants to go and visit her family for a few months at the start of the year. She positioned it as wanting to return to us after but at that point we will almost certainly call it quits.
So what do I do in the meantime? Do I need to offer her a takeaway menu when we order for ourselves? My husband is going away for a few weeks and I don't want to feel like I have to cook every night. Should I just tell her to cater for herself whilst he's away? What about when he's back? I'm not the shy and retiring spineless type but somehow this has got a bit out of hand and I'm struggling to respectfully work out the right way to get things back on track.