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CM Club - Dead scared of parents reaction to me being pregnant - how to break the news when the time comes......

24 replies

mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 20:23

I'm in hiding

Seriously though....I know I'm all emotional/hormonal etc at the moment but I really am worried about the reactions I might get when it comes to telling them. I will give them as much notice as I can, I just need to wait for the 3 months to pass first, for my own sake.

Any idea's how to break the news when the time comes? Pick up time is always mental and not the best time to bring something like this up. I also find it quite hard to pin people down for meetings and stuff but I know I'll have to insist on something. HELP?!?!!!

Also.....this is REALLY playing on my mind....ds starts full time school in January and I've filled my vacancies (all bar one day). One new parent lives round the corner from me, really lovely and we got on great. She recently added another day and so Ive had deposits for 3 days starting January. I THINK this is roughly around the time I'll be able to tell people. What do I do? She's going to hate me isn't she? Do I tell her now(ish) and give her the chance to have her deposit back and go elsewhere if she wants? I'm hoping to take just a few weeks off but I want my scan to make things real and then I'll decide what to do when the time comes. Having this baby doesn't really need to affect things but still, parents may not see it this way

I also have a baby now who's going to be coming one extra day a week from Jan and possibly one more day. This extra day I'll know about after half term.

Just so confused and worried, I don't know how to handle the situation from a childminding point of view.

Gosh, I should be really happy and not worried shouldn't I!!

OP posts:

StrawberryMartini · 17/10/2007 20:27

Gosh erm whoever you are shame you can't have a glass of vino - sounds like you need one! Take one day at a time. Remember it's YOUR business, YOU'RE the boss! And when I get that BFP I'll be the one asking YOU for advice!

You are allowed to eat chocolate.


chankins · 17/10/2007 20:32

I feel for you, I was in your position exaactly a year ago ! with one mum we got on so well I had told her previously when we would start trying for a baby, so she was prepared and over the moon for us - even though she had to find a nursery place for her son as I got nearer to maternity leave - Was very worried, and felt very guilty as I'd had him from a baby, but you have to have your own life too - parents should expect that if they choose a CM. Another parent I felt guiltier about as I had taken on her child knowing I was pg, and waited til 12 weeks to tell her. Luckily she was great too, and it fitted in ok with her plans, so she didn't need to find alternative care when I went on leave. Anyway, I would think about telling the mum who may want her deposit back, just to be fair. As for the others, I'm sure they'll all be delighted for you !


mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 20:36

Bless ya, if only it was that easy. I really need the income, it's far too scary. Yes, wish I could have a drink, going cold turkey hasn't helped I'm also very weepy this evening, hormones I know but dh and I are still shocked as we really just got used to the fact we thought we would have to wait.

I really do need to get all this clear in my head, especially about the new lady round the corner, that really worries me.

Also, after being stared at at pre-school today (yes, manager was staring at tummy), I'm worried gossip may start or something. I definitely look bigger and am already having to wear different trousers as others too tight (I thought I was eating so much as been down lately and winter blabla).

I just want to be happy but tbh, right now I'm in a mess just thinking about it (doesn't help dh is really worried about money as he could be getting made redundant for a FORTH time and hasn't been there long enough to get a pay out)

OP posts:

mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 20:40

chankins - thanks for sharing that. I HOPE that one parent won't mind too much as she has new help now (don't want to give too much away) and if like the last person, she'll be around more around the time I will not be working and from the point of view of how many kiddies.....she's like the more the merrier which is good. Another I get on GREAT with however she's always been very protective of her baby, pays me double to keep the numbers down, so I'm very worried about her.

Can I on earth did you get them to one side to tell them?

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chankins · 17/10/2007 20:43

Sorry to hear you have money worries - the last thing you need when pg!
All I can say is the sooner you get it over with and tell them all, the sooner you can relax a bit.
Ok some might have bad reactions, but its not like they'll have to find other care RIGHT NOW, they have time to look around.
Also, you should be entitled to maternity allowance, payable for nine months now.
Mine was worked out as a weekly average of what I earned, so I was no worse off financially.
Only thing that worries me is finding work again when mat leave ends in january !


chankins · 17/10/2007 20:45

Well one was on the doorstep ! I'd been meaning to tell her all week and just blurted it out as she left !
The other was when she was picking child up, and we have a chat about the day ect.
It was probably easier for me as at the time I only cared for two children - lots of hours between them, so my house was not too hectic !


mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 20:46

I can't tell them yet, haven't even told ds. I'm scared of mc again so want to wait for the 3 months. It's not so bad telling the lady round the corner but if I tell parents that come here now, ds will know about it and we don't want him to get too excited yet just in case.

Gosh, I wish I could afford maternity pay.....I need as near to what I'm earning as possible and can only afford a drop for a couple of months max but was actually planning on getting an assistant or just taking a few weeks as holiday instead.

OP posts:

mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 20:48

Really, I don't think I'll get away with just telling them at normal pick up time as usually it's hard enough to tell them anything at that time (well, one is ok but other 2 worry me more as kids play up etc making parents just want to leave)

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chankins · 17/10/2007 20:51

Is maternity allowance not available to you ? I just assumed anyone self-employed could claim it if you've worked a certain amount - sorry if I'm wrong.
Assistant is good idea. I did find it tough CMing towards the end of the pg.
Had a bleeding scare at one point and thought I'd have to jack it all in, but luckily all was fine, and again I was kucky to have very understanding parents.
Can you ask to telephone the parents later in the evening when their kids are in bed ?


justaboutmurdering · 17/10/2007 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 20:56

Well, I can't remember the figure but the I know whatever I was told was the amount was no way enough. I'm currently on at least £1600 a month and from Jan, it's supposed to go up to nearer £2300 (before expenses). Even without dh's risk of job loss, we need my income as he doesn't earn much. It's just even more scary that we need to save as much as poss in case he does loose his job and end up with nothing. He's 15 yrs older than me, been made redundant 3 times already and last few times he's looked for a job, it's taken months to even get a temp job - that's how he always gets his foot in the door. i really need at least £1500 a month until the short break I intend to take (although I know it may not work out as simple as taking a short break).

OP posts:

mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 20:58

justaboutmurdering - god no way, that's one very big reason why he's NOT being told yet. He's coming up for 5 and desperate for a brother or sister and no way would he not blab!!! I feel bad for hiding it now I know and I only found out yesterday. Problem is, I just can't face telling many people in RL just yet as when I was pg before ds, dh was at the pub telling his work mates as he couldn't wait and whilst he was there, I was at home miscarrying!

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chankins · 17/10/2007 21:01

Oh I see - I was earning way less than that, plus we rent so get help with benefits as my DH is on low income too.
Sorry wasn't much help there !
Sounds like there is a lot to stress about right now
Try to forget about parents reactions till you are past 12 weks, so you are only dealig with one hurdle at a time.


mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 21:02

Cheers! Suppose if I loose a mindee or too I can always go back to doing the websites that I no longer have time to do! But it's not the same! And not as much money as I don't charge enough for them.

Oh well.....I really should try and eat, I've been so worked up today I've found it hard to eat yet I know it's really important I do!

OP posts:

Megsdaughter · 17/10/2007 21:02

Babe why notput it in a Christmas Newsletter, no need till then really, you may feel you want to tell the one that is not starting till January before then but the rest could really wait till then, you wont be takinMaternirty till the late spring so it gives them loads of time to sort things. Have you anybody who can take over for a few weeks.

One of our CM's is going onto Maternity in Feb, I ataking her schoolies, one is going to pre school for the hours mum works, so really its only one we have to place and by then we hope to have another CM through the qualifications so she can take over.


mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 21:05

Don't know, was thinking about hiring an assistant but not sure. Maybe I could ask some of the local childminders but they probably can't commit yet. My double pay baby's mum would be very unlikely to agree to that but I can only try. I or don't I tell this lady round the corner?

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chankins · 17/10/2007 21:10

I probably would to be honest. But its up to you, understandable to wait past 12 weeks. I'm off to bed now to get some kip in before lo wakes up - good luck with it all and let su know what happens.


mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 21:11

According to the online calculators, I should be 12 weeks around 7-14 December (I was obviously working it out wrong thinking it would be Jan ).

OP posts:

mumtoaboywithanotherontheway · 17/10/2007 21:12

Cheers, I think I'm going to have to I've just got to work out how??? We usually 'chat' on email but somehow I'll need an excuse for asking her over won't I??

Thanks so much for your help, gosh, is that the time!

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sunnyshine · 22/10/2007 20:46

hello this has just happened to me! waited as long as i could then told parents all together(on same day) so no one new first. i have 2 children that have said they will come back to me and 2 who said they would leave when i was giving up in January. These two have however been poached from under my nose by a new childminder who said she could either have them from now(ie leave me) or she would wait and hold places for them until January but wanted FULL payment for the spaces, so of course parents cant afford to pay for 2 minders so they left. My parents were all brill but i am now left with the problem of earning less money looking after these children than if i claim my MA of £500 per month. It will alll work out i am sure but just wanted to let you know my story!!


mumtoboywithanotherontheway · 22/10/2007 21:23

Do you mind me asking how much time you are planning to have off? I'm still really unsure whether or not to take a maternity leave???


newcm · 23/10/2007 13:24

Hi i'm also a pg cm due in may. I have just turned 3 mths so am considering telling parents. Does anyone know how early you can start your MA? From jan i will only be left with an after schoolie and can't really live on £40 a week for very long! I was looking to start MA asap and still take the after schoolie, but not ask for any payment as i am getting MA. Does anyone have any views on this as to wether or not it is illegal, etc?!


sunnyshine · 23/10/2007 14:36

hello, you can claim MA from the 26 week of pregnancy. You cannot do paid work and claim. the website for all the info is

this gives you info and the form to fill out too.

1 am looking at taking a few months off now just because the MA is greater than what i would be earning. i am very lucky i have a friend covering for me who will give them back when i am ready to start again.


sunnyshine · 23/10/2007 14:40

that link didnt work try then type maternity allowance in the search this site box. sorry!

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