Is this something childminder would expect?

[YellowEllis]

My toddler (16 months) is starting with a childminder next week. He is generally pretty amazing (in my eyes!) loving, funny, chatty, bright. Relatively easy, sleeps well (most of the time) eats well (apart from veg) and is pretty happy most of the time.

He is however fiercely independent, insists on doing everything himself, won't take a spoon/let you hold his bottle, feeds himself, won't hold hands just wants to walk on his own, will snatch is hand out of yours and screams if you don't let him. He knows what he wants, and he doesn't like it when you stop him doing things and will scream and cry and tantrum about it. Hates the word no! I hope I'm not making him sound like a brat.

I'm just not sure I need to warn the childminder of this, or if this is pretty standard stuff for a toddler and she'll expect/be prepared for it? I don't want to say it and paint a bad picture of him when he's such a little joy most of the time. We dont pander to him, we do interfere and say no multiple times a day, so we aren't re-enforcing it, I'm sure it's just a phase of him wanting more independence than he can have. I just don't know if I need to write all of this in the "important things you need to know about me" section on the paperwork.

Would you write it or leave it out?

Write it in so she's prepared, but honestly I wouldn't worry. Childminders are magicians and I'm sure it's nothing she won't have seen before.

I don't think that sounds particularly unusual for that age to be honest. Personally I wouldn't mention it, not because it's bad because it's not, but because quite often children act differently in different environments anyway, and the childminder will quickly get to know him. If it would make you feel more comfortable saying something though I can't imagine it will have any negative effects!

I'm a childminder and in the 10 years I've been doing it, I've never had a child who acted the same with me as they do with their parents. Sometimes they try to get a bit stroppy bit it only takes a couple of times for me to say no and they get the picture. I'm sometimes shocked at what the angels I have during the day do to their parents at home time 🤣 but then my kids can be the same. I would write it in. The only thing on your lost that I would be very strict and no tolerance attitude to would be not holding hands while out. It's too dangerous. They don't hold hands, they go in a pram. They get the message fast 🤷‍♀️

You may well find he's lots more compliant for the childminder! Like pp said lots of them are total child whisperers. I wouldn't say much and let the minder and your Ds find their own relationship.

I would warn him/her about anything dangerous though like if he won't hold hands and tries to run when crossing roads.

Write it in but she won't be fazed - and you might be surprised to find some of these things he will indeed do with her, even if he won't at home! When DS started with a childminder I was a bit apologetic that he utterly refused to be spoonfed (he was only 8 months so this was a bit of a pain because it made meal times long and messy), and really emphasised the fact that he would not take a spoon - she then sent me a video of him happily eating a whole bowl of soup off a spoon from her a day or two later!

It's pretty typical behaviour for a 16 month old so I wouldn't bother saying anything, chances are he will be entirely different with her anyway.

Perhaps my children are unusual but I would have fully expected them to be mostly independent with bottles/feeding themselves at that age anyway?

Yeah the only that I would insist on as a cm is the holding hands when out. Either that or they go in the pushchair. But I’m fine working on that here, almost all hold my hand without question even if they don’t with their parents!

Yep pretty normal love the self feeding....im the same saftey is a must so hands or pushchair. Car seats are in when needed and always arms in but the rest is pick your battles distract and choices like left shoe or right shoe first. Id just say x has reached the stage of knowing what they want and can be pretty insistent which were working on if you have any tips. With feeding x self feeds.

Sounds typical tho holding hands when walking on a road path etc is a must