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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Parents insisting you cm a child with contagious illness who is very poorly

60 replies

rainbow71 · 12/10/2007 13:00

I currently cm for 3 under 5's one of which has just come down with chicken pox. The parents insist I look after him even though he has high temp and is not eating and barely drinking. I have said no as I feel it's against the best interest of the child and would mean me keeping in the other children (they have had this illness already)and they have threatened ending the contract without notice if I do not have him. I would be interested to know what other cm's would do in this situation. I have said I am happy for him to come back when the spots have crusted over and his temp is back to normal.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 12/10/2007 13:47

i think either way, the working relationship is ruined, let them find someone else they can take advantage of. how obnoxious.

expatinscotland · 12/10/2007 13:54

then let them end the contract.

too bad, so sad.

yes, i feel sorry for people who are under pressure from work like that.

but you know what, rainbow, that is not your problem.

your problem is what is best for all your mindees, and caring for a very ill child ins't.

what if he fell really, really ill under your care?

these people could sue you, you could face charges, etc.

NO WAY is that worth their patronage.

i'd take them to small claims court.

VoluptuaGoodshag · 12/10/2007 13:55

Tell em to go and get stuffed. I'm stunned that they would NOT want to be with their sick child. FGS. Utterly .

CarGirl · 12/10/2007 13:55

I agree with Lulu tbh if they don't end the contract I think I would.

flowerybeanbag · 12/10/2007 13:56

here you go online small claims court thingy.

Original poster

rainbow71 · 12/10/2007 13:58

Hi, yes when my daughter had cp I informed all of the parents and said that obviously I would not charge if they wished to keep their child away. Equally would be able to look after them if rqd as my dd not ill with it but they needed to know that their child could pick it up as it is contagious. This boy's mum said that was okay after talking to her dh and she didn't mind if he caught it. Obviously she now feels that this means I should happily also look after her child with cp even though he's very poorly with it and I didn't have a pregnant mum at the time. Hence the mentioning of my dd. I have a funny feeling they will just not bring him again and will not give me notice etc.

She has said over and over again how happy and settled he is here and how much he enjoys coming. Often he cries because he wants to stay and carry on playing when mum comes to pick up. She is normally so appreciative of what I do, this is showing me a completely new side to her and her dh. I can't believe it's come to this but I don't think he will come back again. I don't think they will back down.

OP posts:

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 12/10/2007 13:59

rainbow - poor you, don't we CMs have to put up with some crap from parents!!! I had my first ever fall out with a parent recently because her 9 month old baby had a temp of 39.9, was really ill, crying, wasn't eating or taking bottles etc and she couldn't believe I was trying to get her sent home. She bullied me and you know what....little miss nicey nice 'yes mam 3 bags full mam' Looneytune SNAPPED.......I said 'by the way, you know that a nursery would send her home for MUCH less than I do' and she said 'yes, that's why i won't use a nursery ' and I said 'fine, feel free to look at other CMs, I will be VERY interested if you manage to find someone else who would let her stay when this poorly' and went on to explain exactly why I couldn't keep her. I was shaking but do you know what....when she finally picked her up, she acted normal and has been ultra smiley and chatty as if nothing happened!!! It took a lot for me to snap like that but I'm so glad I did!

I totally agree with what everyone else has said, I'm fuming on your behalf and tbh, with people talking to me like that, I'd give notice asap anyway. And yes, they can't NOT pay you - they are just trying it on!!!

One tip I got from someone recently...if they refuse to collect.....'ok then, I'll call an ambulance instead' She was deadly serious, she'd say this (works in pre-school, SAZ knows the person and said about how children are at risk of convulsions with temp over x so if parents won't collect, she WILL call an ambulance)

NAB3 · 12/10/2007 14:00

Having just read the OP I would be very tempted to say fine, end of me working for you.

CarGirl · 12/10/2007 14:02

Rainbow it's like they don't value their child let alone you as his CM

NAB3 · 12/10/2007 14:02

Where is the child now?

lemonaid · 12/10/2007 14:03

The only possible sort-of exception I can think of to the "they are being totally unreasonable" position would be if their DS had actually caught it from your DD (still if he's that sick he should be at home, but I can kind of see how they might have misunderstood what they were agreeing to when they left him with you while she had CP). But from what you've said about timings I'm guessing that's not the case?

MaureenMLove · 12/10/2007 14:04

Small point to remember, don't be the one to end the contract now! You'll loose the money!

expatinscotland · 12/10/2007 14:04

yes, i'd DEFFO tell anyone who refused to collect that i'd be phoning the police and an ambulance and would be happy to pass on my concerns to social services.

Original poster

rainbow71 · 12/10/2007 14:11

hi nab3. At home as I said yesterday I would not be able to take him all of this kicked off last night. With a phone call from his parents at 9pm demanding I take him. I stuck to my guns but do not think he will be coming back again. This is very upsetting as I have got very close to him and will miss him but don't believe the parents will bring him back to save face.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 12/10/2007 14:13

You could play the bigger person card text them or phone (if you're brave) " How is x, I hope he has improved dramatically, once his temperature has dropped and he is eating again let me know. Am looking forward to seeing him again"

Good luck!

CarGirl · 12/10/2007 14:14

send him a get well soon card from all the mindees along with a small gift!

Original poster

rainbow71 · 12/10/2007 14:18

Thanks everyone, Will send a card. Many thanks for all your advice, it's always nice to get others advice.

OP posts:

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 12/10/2007 14:19

rainbow - so it ended like that did it? Well....if they don't come back, send them an invoice with deadline for payment etc. Very important.....are you with NCMA??? If so, phone them NOW for advice and they will help you with what to include in your letter and deadlines etc!!!

Sorry, I know there are lots of lovely parents on here but I've had a GUTFUL of mindees parents recently (one messing up with a day off I told her about in writing and at last min she said she HAD to use me as had no childcare (although she was fully aware I was going to the Dr's about something VERY important and emotional), others expecting me to have their VERY poorly children, other childminders I know being lied to about parents going to the Dr, someone elses mindee parent expected the CM to go to a parent meeting at school.....the list goes on!!!! (didn't mention other CMs names on here as not for me to say) All this sort of behaviour makes me want to quit childminding sometimes - shame as the children are great!!

bloodsuckingLOONEY · 12/10/2007 14:20

there's me ranting (think being stuck indoors all week has got to me! ) when there was a good suggestion there - a card would be nice but IF you do that, somehow it's got to be made clear where things stand will illnesses, you can't go through this again!

CarGirl · 12/10/2007 16:16

Have been thinking about this, I wonder if you include a note stating how you understand they are upset and caught off guard by you not being able to have him due to CP, but it's because he has such a bad case and there can be complications when this is the case. Also saying that if your dd had been so unwell you would not have been working and had you known x mum was pregnant then you wouldn't have had her dc etc etc

They are being unreasonable but I wonder if they just didn't see this situation arising and it caught them off guard ? Kind of giving them the benefit of the doubt IYSWIM and making it easier for them to admit they were wrong and bring him back?

Just my thoughts but if the working relationship doesn't recover from this then it really is goodbye regardless.

Kiddi · 12/10/2007 16:49

I know its may sound harsh to parents but when my Lo had Chicken Pox I offerred to work as she was not too bad, tho got other minder to cover after schoolers, just in case. I also said to parents its your choice, I can still mind yours(if not full refund) BUT if yours get it I CAN NOT mind unless they are well with it AND ALL other parents are TOTALLY OK with them stil attending. Seemed harsh but explained that whole CP could cover 6 weeks if they all tok it in turn. No-one gave me notice, one child caught it and stuck to my rules and all were ok.
I did tho get shouted at by one parent for my 48 hour exclision period after her sicking daughter had one day off, stating that when my daughter had been sick one morning If had offerred to work as knew it was her blood sugars etc (as she always throws up just once first thing if she falls asleep without dinner) and she said I had double standards. I agreed that it could look that way but at that point really bad bug was going round and her daughter was last one to get it, I had not had it and said it was too much of a risk as if I got it whilst breaking the rules then all parents would have to take more time of, having alradey had much time off for first child them illness themselves and it was just all too much of a ricsk. she kept child at hoe but next morning this lead into big debate about how my standards had dropped, how I made false promises etc etc etc. I said that she needed to come back after work to discuss it all as I thought things had been going very well. Later she text to ask if her DD was ok after mum shouting, i told her truthfully that her DD was fine but I was very upset by whole thing, she then rang to she if I was really upset , which I was tho putting brave face on for our DD's. Her whole attitude changed she apologised and said she did not realise I would have got upset as Im always so sorted that she forgot I had feelings too. things are great now and are still nearly a year later, but I did think I would be getting notice when she was shouting.

Kiddi · 12/10/2007 16:54

the point of that long ramble was whilst It may cause more offence you could always try explaining how this was making you feel and that you feel let down by their uncomprimising attitude and their threats to someone(you) they have been previosly happy to leave with their most precious loved one.

MaureenMLove · 12/10/2007 17:05

I'm wondering if this has brought to light a clause we all ought to think about putting in our policies. Something about illness of our children. We all, I assume, say that when we are ill, we don't work etc, but its a bit of a grey area when it comes to our own kids.

motherinferior · 12/10/2007 17:10

Speaking as someone who uses a childminder, I simply cannot believe this. I don't expect my (fab) CM to be a nurse!

newgirl · 12/10/2007 18:53

as the child caught cp from your child i can see why they are asking/trying it on

however at the end of the day, the child will have caught it at some point eg school/nursery so he was never going to avoid it

parents do get parental leave for poorly kids dont they so surely they can take some time off

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