Vague unease about new CM - wot should I do?

[fludnelb]

Hi, apologies if this is LONG!

My DS (2.5) has been with a new CM for a little over a month now and I am getting a bit worried that she does enough fun stuff with him - for example, every time I pick him up he is watching TV (pet hate of mine); she never has toys out either when I drop him off or pick him up - her house is spick and span (she says the toys are all upstairs); he has never once come home with arts & crafts (which the last CM was always doing...) With his last CM he was always happy to go; with the new one there have been several days where he says he wants to stay at home...

I guess I need a word with the CM, but find it hard as knowing me I will get over-emotional and stuff .
Plus, inevitably she is talking on her mobile when I come to pick up DS... hmm, as I type this up I am painting a pretty bleak picture of her, aren't I? Thing is, she was the nicest and most cheerful of all the CMs I saw when I was looking (moved to a new area so don't have anyone I know to make recommendations etc).

I guess I want to know if anyone else has been in this situation and how they handled it please?

Thanks
fludnelb

Hm....before you signed the contract, did you talk about the things she would be doing?
Does she take your child maybe to activities outside here home?

I would have a chat with her and maybe ask for her to do a daily diary so you can see what type of things he does there I usually do this with my new ones admittidly after a while I'm writing things again and again and the parents no longer read it as they are happy they know what we do when they are at work.

I sometimes have the tv on when waiting for parents to arrive as it's not long after dinner (say 10-15mins) so no point getting lots of toys out again (we have tidy up time while I'm serving dinner)

I always make sure the house is clean and tidy when children arrive in the morning so I like it to be the same (ish) when they leave, it's all part of the working day I don't mind doing the dinner dishes and hoovering/mopping the floor when they have gone but considering I have my own children to bath and get to bed/ home work stories the last thing I want is to be picking up loads of toys etc so we have a few points during the day when I will get them to help tidy up a bit. It's also the last thing my dp wants to walk into when he's been at work all day.

I guess you know your child better than anyone and he is not happy then maybe it's time to look elsewhere but I would at least give her the chance to listen to your concerns and put them right.

Also meant to say I find it very rude of her to be on the phone when you pick up, she should be giving you as much attention as she can when handing over at the end of the day. I sometimes have to ask dd1 not to interupt me when I am doing hand over as it's important that you know how your child has been all day.

Listen to your instincts.

Doe she have any other children to watch? If not, then I think you could asy no tv. Ask her if she does any arts and craft pictures and ask to see them if yes.

I am a CM and I had a little boy who loved arts and craft, according to his mum but never ever wanted to do it at my house. I even used to get the stuff out and end up painting or making my own picture in the hope that he would join in but he never did. As he got older we would do a painting at playgroup but still not a mine. He said when he was about 4 that he didnt want to do one at mine because he wasnt made to! I guess some people are more rigid "now its painting time" "now its puzzle time" where I am more relaxed and whilst I encourage participation I would never insist an unwilling child to do anything.

Perhaps have a word with the childminder but if you are worried it wont go well maybe drop hints. Ask her where she gets her paints from. Ask her if when she is next doing crafts can XX paint a picture or make something for aunt XX its her birthday next month!

I also had a little girls
who painted everything for me to put on my wall and refused to take things home.

Just wanted to say that whenever one of my parents arrive, I always seem to be on the phone, or textin or someone collecting something etc. Fortunately she knows me well enough to know that I may have spent 3 hours attentuion directed at the children but my luck just means it goes off at the wrong time. Its usually a parent or felow minder so I finish the conversation as quickly as possible but as I would pick up phone if she was not there then I do same either way. My home phone I let ring but my mobile I nearly always answer just in case its teh school or a parent from work etc. I am not a neat freak but do envy minders who have a tidy house at 630 every night so it may just mean she has managed to find the balance between order and play. Tv is a good time filler and is usually only on for last half hour of day as my pet hate too is the tv, but guess parent may feel its been on all day.

Thanks for all the feedback ladies! I feel a lot more reassured now.

LoveMyGirls I guess you do need a tidy house at the end of the day (just cos I have never managed it doesn't mean other people can't, I expect!)

I like the idea abut having a diary - I will explain that I feel I am missing out a bit (working full-time now after a couple of years part-time) so it's nice to know what he's been up to - thanks again for your ideas. (I will also ask for no TV when she doesn't have any other kids around...)

fludnelb - I'm glad you understand my pov (it is my home as well as being a business and at the end of my working day I like to relax in a tidy home) Maybe the parents of the children I mind think my house is never messy - it is! it really is but I work very hard making sure it's clean and tidy before they arrive and that its respectable when they pick up, think of it this way, if when you visited the childminder in the first place, if her house had been covered in toys yet filthy underneath it all, would that have been ok? If the house was like that when ofsted visited would they have given her as good grading if it hadn't been hygienic?

I can have parents ring me and want to visit within an hour, I like knowing that under the toys and surface mess it's clean, so I keep on top of it, then it's not a massive chore if I have ofsted/ parents visiting and I know its a hygenic place for children esp babies.

I find it a bit weird she doesn't have toys downstairs but she must bring them down or the children would be so bored and then misbehave with nothing to do, i've got 4 huge toy boxes with lids on in my living room so toys can easily come out and go away again.

fludnelb - don't worry, I'm a CM and I never have a tidy house until the kids have gone I have a playroom for the kids but the lounge still has toys in places and the kitchen is a mess from cooking dinner as no time to clean after as feeding baby and toddler mindees - I have to make sure they have finished before parents come at 6.30, sometimes they turn up early.

You've reassured me that the mess isn't a bad thing. Every single morning when the kids are dropped off it's all perfectly clean and tidy without a toy in site (as in playroom), at 6/6.30pm a lot of toys are still out and it can look messy but I have such a later afternoon rush, I just can't do it all so I sort the kids and if by some miracle the kids have finished dinner and are all playing nicely waiting for parents then I might tidy up a bit. I do try and get the children to tidy up after themselves but I've had a lot of really little ones and I can't expect 4 yr old ds to clear everything just because he's the only one old enough to really do it properly. Having said that, 2 yr old loves to help but when she's put it all away in the plastic draw to take to the playroom, she empties to so she can do it again I've always been embarrassed of the state of the place but hey, it shows they've had fun. 6.30pm the kids go and I put my extra strength batteries in and whizz round as fast as I can. Tidy toys, hoover, spray sides etc then it's off to see the state of ds's room, bath, ready for bed etc. I suppose when I have older mindees who are able to help more then I will be able to keep on top of the mess more. It's not that bad though, the kids can still move around without hurting themselves etc!

As for tv, I have it on for 20 mins whilst I make lunch and the same with dinner. This is to help them unwind before their meal (usually need it ) and also keeps them safely in my site whilst I prepare the food. I don't have it on at the end of the day as the baby & toddler wouldn't be interested anyway. BUT, I know a lot of CMs who DO put tv on just at the end of the day to chill the children a bit as getting nearer bedtime. In a lot of cases I know people aren't leaving the tv on all day, just may look that way. Best thing to do is ask the CM what happens.

And yes.....ask for a daily diary. Ofsted actually like us to do this for all children under 5 yrs old. I detail nappy changes (i.e. wet or dirty), bottles (if baby), naps, activities, trips out etc.

And yes, if you're not happy about the tv then ask her not to have it on when it's just your lo.

It's now the end of the day and i've got to wipe everything down, quick hoover, wash big pans and put dishwasher on. Might clean the bathroom.

Yes thats the point apart from today where I have had no kids for some bits you sill see most my entries are after midnight and if not still after 10pm, and thats because everything is so busy and child related during the day, that I dont get to mess on my computer until everything else is done. As long as your minder is honest with you, and you can usually tell, then If there is something you are not sure of then, ask her, and work together to provide the right care for your LO

Hello, I'm also a cm and after a morning of toddler groups and playing I will sometimes put cbeebies on for 20 minutes whilst I quickly tidy up and put the lunch out before taking the children to pre-school for the afternoon. I find they need this wind down time sometimes before their busy afternoon. Equally after dinner we might have vsmile, a story or cbeebies on as the children have had enough of playing and want some chill out time and request a relaxing activity. They know all of the toys we have in the house including lego/ello/magnetix/knex etc. but sometimes they just want the mind numbing television when they no longer want to be sociable. I hope this helps.

We had a similar situation with our DS' childminder - no real problems but just a vague sense of unease that things weren't quite right, very tidy house, Tv on and not many toys, all the same symptoms really. We weren't sure what to do but DS picked up on our anxiety and started bawling every time we dropped him off.

In the end the CM solved it for us by saying that she didn't think DS would be happy there over the holidays (all the other children had teacher parents and didn't come in the summer) and that he would be bored.....I thought part of the CM's job was to entertain the kids? anyway, we changed CM and it was the best decision, he went to a lovely lady who did lots of painting and drawing, and best of all kept a daily diary for him in a lovely book with photos and pictures he'd drawn. Much better.

You could always look at some other CMs before making a decision about whether to leave him there?

Hi LittleMy34 - thanks for your feedback. I just can't get rid of the feeling things are not right, even though I had a word with her last week and she was very nice and agreed to do a diary etc. That day when I picked DS up he was doing colouring in - the first time I have ever seen him doing that at her house! But we are back to square one again as things went a bit pear-shaped on Friday - won't go into the details in case she is also a mumsnetter - but that's that; I have decided to look further afield if necessary to get the right person. HO HUM!

even if she is a mumsnetter you can still talk freely - maybe she'll pick up on it lol

I do some much art it drives me crackers lol!! Glitter, glue, pens, crayons all under my table by the end of the day!! I do find boys don't sit still for as long whilst doing these

We put the TV on from 4pm-4.30pm, to unwind after a busy day, the kids have a drink, I have acuppa and we all watch cbeebies , we then have a mass tidy up and walk the dog/play in garden ect.

I have a tidy house when they arrive and try and have it tidy when they go!! As long as they 'help' a bit lol. I have a huge storage full of toys (it's bursting) in my lounge, I know it's not ideal having toys downstairs but thats our job surely! The kids arrive and 'tuck in'

At the end of the day, talk to her, childminders are contracted to 'have discussions if necessary', and if you still get bad vibes well....................................................................................

I always have my moblie on me, but never have used it infront of parents (I've never had a need so that seems odd to me!!)

whoops I go on xx

yeah come on spill
i'm intrigued to what made you finally decide to look elsewhere