How much time to spend at drop off? How much should staff help settle?

[ScaryScaryNight]

I have a bit of an issue with my sons nursery. My au pair takes him there in the morning. My son 28 months is always crying and clinging to her when she leaves. Last time she was really frustrated because she was there 20 minutes trying to settle him and get the attention of the other staff. You would think nursery staff would take the child of the person dropping off and try engage the child in the activities taking place.

I have had a talk with the manager about this already, and I said to her it really is their job to settle the child, together with au pair or me if I am dropping off, and not just turn their back. She agreed.
I am disheartened to see it keeps happening. Any thoughts?

ok... tbh if the staff are not wanting to engage him when he arrives how do you know what they are like when you / au pair leave?

Ive seen it with my own eyes.... children playing alone while staff sit and have a chat

could the fact that your son is upset about going in be because he doesnt like it and doesnt want to go?

If it kept happening id seriosuly consider changing nursarys actually.

Sorry if thats no what you want to here but thats my take on things.

Agree it sounds like he doesn't like it there - but it would help if they came and took him straight away because then he would get used to that and know what to expect. The au pair hanging around just delays the inevitable for him. Usually nursery staff take the children quickly if a struggle is likely so I'd have another word.

The thing is, he has been in that nursery since he was 6 months old. He used to go 3 days per week. I work part time from home. He loved it in the baby room, but at the age of two they moved him up, and he has not liked it since. I cant blame him if he is not welcomed by staff eager to see him and be with him. When I realized how bad it was I took him down to 1 day per week, and arranged that he is 3 mornings at the nursery connected to my oldest school. But they are only 3 hours. And I am working so it is not long enough time. The au pair picks him up and spends a little time with him before taking him home and putting him to sleep. But as she is an au pair (au pair plus) and not a nanny I dont want her to have sole charge for too long time.

This means, I am not working on wednesdays so I am with him the whole day. One day he is at the "old" nursery, and he is 3 mornings at the new nursery. I can see the difference because he is nearly knocking the door down to get in! My working hours are 9.30 till 15.00 4 days per week and I can just about manage to get every thing done. The new nursery only has space 3 days per week. I can only get 5 days from September, should I want it. But this means that if I take him out of the old nursery, I would have to get the au pair to take him, and I dont want that. It is too long, and too great a responsibility. I think?

I am going to have to leave him in the old nursery this one day per week till christmas when I am able to reduce my workload a little, but it is eating me up.

Aah. it sounds like an awfully hard decision to make. It may be that he is ok once you / au pair is gone from him at the old nursery. Why not ask the nursery to take some video of him playing and having fun. whilst you have to remember everyone will be making an effort whilst it is recording it may also help you relax a little until xmas when things can change. Obviously if they are unable to provide any reassuring footage, then you know you have to act quicker.
Video recording has been strongly recommended by the government backed course PEAL relating to parents and learning methods. they may not be able to let you take the video home but they should have no problem with you viewing it. good luck to you and yours with whatever you manage to arrange.

Hmm, it does sound like he just does not like the new nursery, if he is happy about going to the old one.

The staff in our Kindergarten are very good at coming over and welcoming each child when they arrive, it means that most children settle in fast. If a child is upset, then they spend time with him/her and suggest an activity that they know the child enjoys. tbh, I would expect this of a nursery.

If one of my DCs were upset (which hardly ever happens, they cry when I pick them up because they do not want to come home!) then the kindergarten don't mind if I phone 15 mins later to make sure he is settled. It sets my mind at ease if I know he is not still wailing.

Is there any other nursery nearby? Or would you consider a childminder?

Hope you find a solution soon

Maybe if you could find a Cm they could take him and pick him up from school nursery maybe even 4 days a week while you work. I hate these situations I took my daughter out of a nursery as I wasnt happy with what was going on similar to your situation and the manager wasnt interested because my child was only part time IE not enough money in it!!!! It is very hard to know what to do for the best, also agree staff should take him off you/au pair, I am a CM and I would laways take a child from a parent as quickly as possible as it makes it worse for everyone involved. Best of luck with it x

i don't think this new nursery situation sounds good at all - i am a c/minder and if a child is distressed about being left i always take them(little ones) or divert them as it's best to keep an unhappy drop-off short'n'sweet within seconds of parent going they're normally fine and i'll text/phone parent to reassure them child is ok i'm always happy for parents to phone to check up on child or even listen at door - aupair having to stay isn't helping maybe she needs to be more assertive with nursery staff?
i'd try out a c/minder as we have more time to lavish on little ones due to restricted numbers and home enviroment maybe your ds needs a more nurturing experience than he has at nursery
hope you sort it out soon