Having toddler at home to save childminder fees

[Blueberry1]

During lockdown, both myself and DP were working from home while looking after our 2 year old. I re-arranged my hours to manage this, but it was intense and exhausting.

Childminder partially re-opened in June doing 3 days a week, so I re-arranged my hours to work 3 full days and 1 shorter day (when toddler was at home). This was much easier than no childcare, but still a bit challenging.

Now childminder is going back to full-time operations, DP wants to keep having 2 year old at home on my shorter working day, rather than being at childminders until 2pm (reduced fee).

This says DP is not to "waste money", pointing out that we managed for several months like this and that the 4th partial childcare day is to my benefit more than this. So either we drop it or I pay more than 50% of additional cost. NB: this is not a question of affordability.

I really don't think this is fair as when toddler is at home, it's my work that get's interrupted more. I want to go back to the pre-pandemic arrangements with childminder, then I can work (from home) more effectively. AIBU?

OP I think your husband hasn't got the best interests of you and most importantly your joint child at heart.

Your toddler is 2 so needs to socialise, will actually enjoy mixing regularly with other children and will make a friend or two. At the moment baby and toddler groups are closed so apart from other family members' children who else will they be mixing with?

Also they need to have someone whether this is the childminder or the older children they are playing with attention focused on them, not on paid work or housework.

Tell him to ask for a day working from home to do childcare. He won't. And you shouldn't pay more than half the cost of the child minder.

I agree with @RatInADollhouse. This expecting you to pay extra for what 'benefits you' is really off. I would guess he benefits from your partnership in all sorts of ways that aren't fully 'costed in' like this. Who is the higher earner?

Your DH is being ridiculous. I would see his point if you put him in childcare to go to the gym etc but you are doing it to work. It's really insulting to say it is more for your benefit. Do you not deserve uninterrupted work time but he does? Yes you muddled through when you had to, but this is not a good long term solution for anyone, especially when you can afford it anyway. How you convince your DH of this I'm not sure.

Vivienne has a good suggestion. Or you could alternate childcare on that extra day. If he can't then why should you.

Does your DP still work from home? During lockdown I had 1, 7, 13 year old. WFH and DP working self employed. Was most exhausting few months of my life, I couldn’t switch off from work, was doing home learning, toddler and trying to work. Most nights up to midnight catching up and back on laptop again at 7. Kids now back at school and youngest at childminder 3 days. I have Fridays off, DP Monday’s. Works so much better, toddler gets lots of fun at childminders really loves it, I get to feel like a human again. Think of your mental health too, you can’t do both successfully with a toddler. Plus I know my DS socialising and enjoying himself, worth every penny.

You can’t give the necessary to both on a long term basis
During lockdown people had no choice but now you do it’s not in your child’s best interests to do this

How on earth are you going to get any work done! I used to send dc to the childminder on one of my days off so I could do loads of housework etc. They loved going and it meant I could just about keep on top of the housework etc. This wasn’t a ‘waste of money’ so you’re situation definitely isn’t.

@Mixingitall

It isn’t fair on a toddler to stay at home, whilst you work, when they could be playing with other children, interacting and having fun.

Exactly this. Your husband is being unfair and tight on you and your child.

Update: after my refusal to consider changing arrangement unless hubby agreed to be in charge of toddler all day Friday, we have reverted to previous arrangement where he's at childminder til 2pm then has some Daddy time til I finish work (usually 4pm ish)..

Well done,

YANBU. We had 20 month old DS at home for 6 months during lockdown and it was horrific.