Having toddler at home to save childminder fees

[Blueberry1]

During lockdown, both myself and DP were working from home while looking after our 2 year old. I re-arranged my hours to manage this, but it was intense and exhausting.

Childminder partially re-opened in June doing 3 days a week, so I re-arranged my hours to work 3 full days and 1 shorter day (when toddler was at home). This was much easier than no childcare, but still a bit challenging.

Now childminder is going back to full-time operations, DP wants to keep having 2 year old at home on my shorter working day, rather than being at childminders until 2pm (reduced fee).

This says DP is not to "waste money", pointing out that we managed for several months like this and that the 4th partial childcare day is to my benefit more than this. So either we drop it or I pay more than 50% of additional cost. NB: this is not a question of affordability.

I really don't think this is fair as when toddler is at home, it's my work that get's interrupted more. I want to go back to the pre-pandemic arrangements with childminder, then I can work (from home) more effectively. AIBU?

YANBU. Maybe say to husband he can look after toddler on your short day as you are working.

It is so hard to work from home with children around. I struggled massively before the summer holidays (TTO childcare). We all go back to normal next week and its going to be great.

It isn’t fair on a toddler to stay at home, whilst you work, when they could be playing with other children, interacting and having fun.

I did one day of wfh, having meetings on Zoom, working on my laptop, with my toddler (21 months) yesterday. NO WAY would I do that regularly. If I were you, I would insist on your toddler being at the childminder so you can work, or DP can arrange with his work that he doesnt work that short day and he can stay at home and look after the kid while you work. You cant be expected to do both effectively.

No way. I can just about work with my 9 year olds around, a toddler no way!

And if your work is impacted will your employer or colleagues object? Because they’d be entitled to. What was accepted during lockdown is not going to be accepted now.

I notice he isn't offering to do childcare while working? I'd hazard a guess that you took on more of this responsibility when you were both WFH?

He is completely unreasonable.

Prior to Covid most employers had a policy that you couldn't WFH and care for children at the same time because you can't do either of those things effectively while doing the other (unless you are actually a childminder, then it is just having an extra child). At lockdown people had no alternative so employers had to let them. Check your work policy, it might forbid you from having the child.
Id explain that you can't do both so if he doesn't want to pay the childminder, you will piss off to a cafe (assuming libraries are closed where you are) and HE can juggle. He literally wants you to do the childcare and the earning at the same time, I'd be taking the piss badly if he were mine!

Wfh and minding a toddler are not compatible in the long term. Most companies Pre Covid had strict guidelines around not doing childcare while wfh. During Covid most companies were a bit more understanding when there were little or no other childcare options available unless you were a key worker. There are now other options available so I can see employers insisting on not minding children while wfh. You could be putting your job at risk, if your DH is so keen to save the money why doesn’t he change his working pattern?

I was teaching from home from March to June with a then 15-18 month old. Absolute carnage. At one point I am ashamed to say that she fell down the decking stairs because I was too busy on my iPad feeding back on photos of work.

I really don’t think it’s fair on toddlers to be ignored in this way. You can argue that ‘in the old days, mums had to leave them to it and get on with the housework’ but being physically occupied is very different to disappearing into your computer while you work from home.

Do you really split things like childcare right down the middle? To me that’s what leads to feelings like “this benefits you not me so I don’t want to pay for it.” You are a family, your DH should be happy for you to get whatever convenience or ease you can. I’ve been with my DH over 25 years and I can’t imagine either of us begrudging the other one something like this.

He doesn't seem to value your work op. You need to be able to concentrate on your job and it's not really fair on the toddler either. It would be a hard no from me, especially as it seems you can afford the childcare.

You cannot work productively with young children at home. I can't see that employers would want a permanent arrangement of no childcare if you are working from home.

As much as saving money is tempting, your work will suffer and it's not fair on your DC

If it’s fine for you to do it, then it’s fine for him as well . Long-term it doesn’t sound sustainable to me

@SueEllenMishke - this is something he has mentioned, but we haven't discussed.

@mixingitall - I did mention this.

And thanks for the point made by several of you in relation to company policy. I don't know what my employers policy is/was, but I can't see my boss being that understanding (like she was in lockdown) if I have toddler at home out of choice.

Jesus Christ - what a twat. He wants you to WFH with a toddler & wont pay half if you don't?

Why are you with this twat?

either we drop it or I pay more than 50% of additional cost.

WANKER ALERT!!!

If you both want to keep DS at home while you work, then you keep DS home, if you dont want to keep DS at home while you work, then DS goes to childminder. you are the one being affected

I might have misunderstood but why would you personally be paying the childcare? Also why are you the one juggling childcare and work at the same time? Seems like he's being a dick tbh.

It’s not fair on you, your toddler or your work. The only one who seems to benefit is your DP.

If you need to/want to save money could one of you work on a Saturday when the other one is off.

@Plussizejumpsuit - we pay 50/50. Always have done. DP suggesting I pay more of the "additional" cost (the partial day). DP was also looking after toddler during lockdown (especially when I had endless Zoom type calls), although I did more most of the time.

@lockdownseparation - there isn't really an overriding need to save money.

Managed

Being the word

People have to manage as no other choice

But it’s not fair on your toddler to be ignored or yelled at while you are trying to work

Where is dh on that day

Working at home - not working. - working in office

Use the childcare

Tell him you'll lose more money if you can't perform your job to standard and get fired or quit from stress. Or if he keeps being so selfish, divorce is also mightily expensive...

I'd be unimpressed if one of my team had childcare options but was trying to mind a toddler while working to save cash. Either one or both of you adjusts hours, or he pays the childcare too.

My manager (at the time) actually suggested I keep my 9 month old at home and seemed surprised when I told him that wasn't an option as I'd get nothing done. People managed all sorts of things when they didn't have a choice but it was hardly ideal. If your husband wants your child at home then he can look after them.

[quote Blueberry1]@Plussizejumpsuit - we pay 50/50. Always have done. DP suggesting I pay more of the "additional" cost (the partial day). DP was also looking after toddler during lockdown (especially when I had endless Zoom type calls), although I did more most of the time.

@lockdownseparation - there isn't really an overriding need to save money.[/quote]
**
we pay 50/50. Always have done. DP suggesting I pay more of the "additional" cost (the partial day).
Your child is no less his/his responsibility, financially or otherwise, because they need to go to the childminders so that you can properly focus on your job - the same, I suppose, as him. Does he think you do nothing on your partial day when you are not doing paid work?

If he feels strongly about this maybe he should WFH and work and look after the DC instead of you.

Additionally, is he so laser-focused on other aspect of your lives together? If so, maybe he should be encouraged to step up there too, to keep things a fairer 50/50 between you in all areas. 🌹

So why does he see it as your responsibility to either look after ds or pay for the childminder yourself? Why is it not his responsibility?

Another thing to consider is whether the childminder will still be offering part-time places now that they are back full-time. If it's a choice between a part-time place for your DS and another child who needs full-time provision, you may lose your place.