One parent works irregular shifts - what are our options?

[HumbleCrumble]

I’m currently pregnant with our first DC.

DH works shifts with no set pattern, they vary every week and can be any time including weekends, days and nights. The number of shifts in a week also varies – sometimes he’ll do 5 days on then 2 off, sometimes 4 days on then 4 off, etc. This is standard for his industry and it’s a good job which he enjoys.

I work normal office hours Mon-Fri, plus commute (working from home at the moment but have to assume we’ll be back in the office by the time I return to work). My company is pretty good in terms of offering compressed hours/flexible working so that may be an option for me.

We don’t have any family nearby who could help with childcare. We’re both on reasonable salaries, DH is the higher earner but not by a huge amount.

I’m thinking our only option will be to have a nursery or childminder place that covers my working hours, but often that would mean DC being in childcare while DH is not working and able to be with them.

This feels like it would be a bit unfair on both of us in opposite ways – DH would miss out on time with DC if he’s working evening shifts or weekends, and I would never get any time to myself.

We could keep DC home on some of DH's days off but I assume we would still have to pay, and that messing with their regular routine could be an issue.

Is anyone in a similar situation - what do you do for childcare and how well does it work for you? How do you feel about your partner getting more/less time with/without DC than you do?

Hi, with both childminders and nurseries yes you will have to pay for space if you use it or not so this includes holidays, sickness etc Childminders May be able to offer a more flexible childcare solutionand you could still be looking at paying for x number of hours a week if you use them or not and then paying the extra on the weeks you need more hours. They will want the shift pattern in advance so they know what they are doing. How ever other childminders will charge you for the full week as you are effectively blocking a space for the whole week as you need different days each week etc. There is no normal and we all work differently I would also check they cover weekends if this need and regular weekend childcare is very hard to find.

I found that yes our only option was to pay nursery for days that sometimes I wasn’t at work. I am a nurse and DH has a regular 9-5 job. We had family help, so my parents had a set day that they covered only if I was working that day, and we had set days at nursery. I have colleagues who have flexible nurseries though where they can book their child in for the days they need a few weeks in advance. I don’t think that’s very common though. It did seem unfair that I sometimes got a child free day in the week (though I usually spent it doing housework etc), but there was no other solution.

You'll end up spending a fortune on childcare that you don't need, which is very frustrating ( I've been there).
Is there any way your DP could have one set day a week off, could he apply for flexible working?

I'm a childminder I've taken families with shifts. We've looked at the average shift pattern and agreed a minimum number of days a week then paid extra if needed. I quiet like a quieter day or two so it works for me

We had the same situation and worked childcare around my set hours and then DH either had a day to himself to do DIY (or play golf) or takes DD out of nursery for the day.

I second applying for "flexible working " / set days for your DH.

My childminder had an arrangement with a family who needed a 4 day week but not always the same 4 days. I think they may have just charged for 4 days. Childminders set their own rates and terms, so in theory you could get someone to accommodate. They will want some guaranteed income though.

We had the same set up. We used childminders. Had to pay a bit more than the hourly rate to be able to vary things each week, but not as much as booking a full time place. Nurseries would only accept the changing days if we paid for a full time space, which obviously we didn't want to do (a nanny would have been cheaper).
The only other option is for your Dh to ask for fixed days, so you know what you need. Don't assume childminders won't do this, make contact and start a conversation about it.

Honestly though, while the situation doesn't seem ideal and limits your childcare options, it is far better for family life than both of you working Mon-fri office hours, and will cost you a lot less for childcare.

We had this with DS1. DH worked compressed hours over 4 week days, I worked shifts over 7 days a week. We got childcare around DH's days. We still had to pay for days I was home. I kept DS home with me some days, others I still sent him to the CM so I could blitz the housework, shopping etc.

We only did it for approx 18 months, because I then had DS2 and changed jobs/hours.

I’m a childminder and I’m afraid I would need guaranteed days/hours. As long as you were paying for them, you can either use the place or not (ie, Dhdoesn’t have to send dc into childcare just because it is paid for, he can keep your dc at home for the day so he is spending time with them), but my prices are worked out based on having the maximum number of children in each day. If one is suddenly a shift worker and not paying for half the week, I’m down quite a bit on my pay.
It’s always worth phoning round though, there are cms who accept shift workers and I’m told that the nearer you go to big hospitals, the more likely you are to get shift friendly rates (don’t know how true that is though?).
WRT you having time to yourself, you just have to be firm with your Dh. On the days he is off With no child at home, you expect to come home To a tidy home and tea ready. That is not unreasonable. And you are entitled to time on your own in the evenings and weekends when he isn’t at work, good communication between you both, so you both know what is expected.

Thanks everyone for replying, its really helpful. I'll definitely contact childminders to see if any would do a flexible arrangement but we're prepared to pay for full time if we need to. Flexible working isn't really an option in DH's job without seriously limiting what he can do and taking away the aspect of the job he enjoys most.

Our child is in nursery mon - thurs and we can always get extra Fridays as everyone who is part time seems not to do them. You could see which are less busy days and not have them as regular and only book when needed. If you tried third and fri you may find the odd third you couldn’t get a place and need leave but you’d save a lot. You would lose mon-wed when he’s working but it would cut your wasted days a lot. Nursery only lasts a few years, you’ll be through it before you know!