Do you trust your childminder?????

[sheepgirl]

How much do we really know goes on in a CMs house when they are caring for your baby? Has anybody ever tried some kind of spying??? I know this sounds awful....pity me I am a anxious first time mum who is starting back to work in a week and starting to have reall anxieties about leaving my baby

Does the cm have good references from previous parents ? Mine are happy to write glowing refs for me which do tend to reassure new parents. Also, main clue is your babies reaction to the place and the cm - if they seem happy/excited to be there, etc. If you are that worried about the issue of cm being unwatched so to speak, then why didn't you go with a nursery?

Most CMers operate an open door policy - you can urn up at any time to se what is happening

I feel my baby is too young for a nursery setting (8 mths old). I want a nurturing more intimate environment at the mo for him. Sorry not wanting to offend CMs and my CM is lovely with a great vibe around the house. I just wondered if any other mums ever worry about this??

hum, read the title and thought "well how could you leave your child with them if you don't", but was thinking more along the lines of "I have been using her for 4+ years, of course I trust her".
When ds1 started with her I didn't have the relationship built up to "trust" her, but I had checked references, spoken to other parents, visited a few times etc.
You don't actually know what goes on, and you wouldn't know what was going on it a nursery - its part of the letting go, and if you are going to go back to work you are going to have to accept it.

For any childcare situation, you need to trust your care provider. This applies for nurseries, pre-schools, childminders, nannies, babysitters, etc. If you don't trust your childcare provider... it's time to change provider.

You can never be sure what is happening when you can't see. Thus trust is vital. Many providers have an 'open door' policy, whereby as a parent you can collect your child early, thus see how things are when you are not 'expected'. However, practicalities can get in the way, as childminders are not at home all the time - they take/collect children from school/pre-school, they go on outings. So if you do turn up unexpected, and CM is not at home, then don't be alarmed - the children may be having a great time at the park.

With babies - childcare providers do daily diarys that help you get a feel for how your baby has been that day.

Childcare providers know that first-timers are anxious about leaving their precious bundle of joy, so don't feel that you can't ask them things part-way through the day. However, try to avoid constantly worrying and calling up every 10-15 minutes, as then both you and your CM are on tender hooks all day.
If you find that you can't face being away from your baby for your working hours, then consider other work - as long term, you need to be happy and your baby needs to be happy.

It doesn't offend me - its perfectly natural, I'd be exactly the same if I were the parent. I had a young mum once leave her 7 mo with me, and I could tell she was nervous about it so I text her at moments throughout the day to let her know how he was doing. I do feel for the parents, espec of young babies as they are unable to tell parents how their day has been! Hopefully your cm feels like I do that it is a privilege to be trusted so implicity with the most important thing in someones life. Thats how I see it anyway.

Thank you so much chankins that has really made me feel happy

o cool. good luck with it all.

i have been a cm for over 3 years now i used to work in a nurery for 11 years till it closed down thank god it did.their was never no staff,supervisers stayed in office all day drinking tea and eating biscuits when nursery nurses when on holidays they left trainees to look after the kids.i know not all nurseries are like this i would just like to say i am a good cm i give them all attention and make them feel like part of the family.parents can check up on me whenever they want.

I cant believe anyone would leave their child(ren) with someone who they dont trust 100%

I'm a CM and can completely understand how you feel. I had to go through the same when ds started pre-school a couple of mornings a week when he was nearly 3 and I was in a right state and he wasn't even a baby . All I can say is if she's a lovely CM like you say, she'll understand this and will try her best to reassure you. Let her know that you're anxious, not because of her, just because you're leaving your baby. She'll understand. I agree about not ringing every 10-15 mins as otherwise there will be no chance for baby to really settle BUT ask her if you can call if you feel upset and then she can reassure you. Maybe she could take pics of your LO enjoying themselves? I email pics to parents quite often so they know they're having fun I have one baby who started at 8 weeks old (now 7 months) and one that started at 7 weeks old and was 5 weeks prem (now 9 months). The tiny baby's mum was fine as 2nd child, the other one who started at 8 weeks was very nervous and needed a lot of reassuring. I used to email photo's and she loved it, made her feel so much better. I also write a diary for all my under 5's and it details everything from nappy changes/bottles etc to how the baby settled, moods, activities etc.

I don't think this is a TRUST issue tbh, I think this is 'I'm leaving my baby for the first time with someone I don't know that well' nerves - VERY NORMAL

Best of luck, sure all will be fine

NannyL - I see what you're saying but I don't actually think she chose the right word....I THINK she was trying to say she's anxious which is understandable. God, most parents at the school nursery my ds now attends have a quick peek as they pass the window to make sure their LO looks like they are happy.....I'm one of them. I don't quite call is spying, just checking in, i.e. ds sometimes cries when I leave but as I pass the window I see he's fine once I've gone. I now know that I can walk away with him crying for me and he'll be just fine.

Sheepgirl, I know where you're coming from. When I first went back to work I used the nursery at my workplace for my PFB soley so I could "check up" and ruled out childminding because it happened behing closed doors. However, what I didn't realise is you'll know from your child if things are OK. Circumstances have changes and DD (2) now goes to a lovely local childminder instead - the fact that she runs happily to the door yelling the CM's name and is often reluctant to come home tells me a lot more than spying could! Realise my DD is older, but you do really get the vibe of whether your child has been happy or not during the day from an early age.

Well said diplodocus Both my 7 month and 9 month old mindees have a huge smile when I open the door in the morning - it reassures me that I'm doing a good job and I'm pretty sure it makes mum feel a whole lot better. Obviously they've been with me for several months now so it won't happen over night but it will happen

Reading the thread made me cry as retunrign to work sounds so real now. My stomach ties up in knots when I think about leaving my baby. But I do get a very good vibe about my CM (nannyL I never said I didn't trust her I was asking generally if we knew what went on behind closed doors) and she also has a 9 mth baby who seems very content. I like the idea that my 7 mth will have someone of his age to play with.

I am dreading my first day back at work....I need the settling in period not my baby

{{{ hugs }}}

I'm pretty sure MOST mums go through this agonising when they first get back to work, I've heard it from friends etc. but now they brag about how they get a lunch break, get to see grown ups and socialise and they mostly say that their time with their LO is so much more special because they make the most of the time together. Try and look at the positives including how this will benefit your baby by socialising from a young age. Sure all will be ok

(by the way....in case it worries you seeing me chatting on here, I don't have any children at the moment )

I had a 3yr old dd & a 6month old boy when I went back to work [well not work, uni, but I still needed a c/minder for the first time ever]

DD had just started playgroup 5 mornings a week & I already knew all the staff etc so I decided that dd could stay for their afternoon club also, on the 2 days I had uni.

I looked for a c/minder for ds & found a woman who was v.nice on phone, had great references etc... I went to visit her house & she was outside bleaching her steps... made us enter by the bak door.

When we were in the house she kept telling ds what he could & couldn't touch. She also told him which toys she was allowed to use, but only if her existing mindee, a little boy, wasn't playing with them. [bear in mind ds was only 6 months & only crawling!] Anyway this woman showed me references from lots of people... but it worried me that the little boy [3] was glued to the telly the whole time we were in.

I thanked her for her time & said I would think about it. She called me that evening & really pressurised me. Told me I needed to buy a travel cot as she hadn't got one, said I would have to pay her for dd also incase she needed picked up due to illness [I only wanted her to mind ds, nothing to do with dd!]

Anyway, I had a really bad feeling about her but couldn't put my finger on it.

I looked about & asked around & got in touch with another childminder who had just had a mindee go off to school & was looking a part time child. My ds fitted perfectly & when I called to ask when was convenient to visit, she really made me warm to her by saying "Sure come up now, no time like the present!" I was at her house 20 minutes later drinking coffee whilst she played with ds & I chatted to her other mindees.

Ds has been with her almost 3 years now! She is fantastic! I found out that the other lady stopped childminding as she was only keeping kids for about 5 months at a time before getting bored & giving the parents notice for silly things.

But if you can, spend some time with the childminder & ds before you go off to work.. it may ease your mind a little. My c/minder texts me most days just to say what he's doing!

Oh sheepgirl - your post really reminds me of how hard it was when I first went back. I'd be sitting at my computer trying to hold back the tears and sprinting over the the nursery in my lunchtime while DD (a party animal since birth) settled in instantly and had a great time. However, it was really only a week or so before things got better, and after a month I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Obviously the fact that my DD settled so easily made it much better for me (hope you have the same experience!) but it really does get better quickly and your feelings are completely normal.

Don't worry, Sheepgirl,...I can remember leaving DS1 for the 1st time with our old childminder and I was petrified! Surely nobody could look after him as well as me
Anyway we had a wonderful lady who was burmese, (we're run of the mill white english!) and she treated my children like mini gods, her huge extended family visited constantly to play with my boys and they were frequently at parties during the day for various festivals. They adored her (I was quite jealous but that's another issue ) and even though we moved out of london nearly 4 years ago she still phones to see how HER boys are! It's been a pleasure to have her as part of the family....

hi dont have time for long reply as mindee asleep and will wake up when he hears me tap this keyboard, but check the situation on two children under 1 year?..most cm's arn't allowed this unless they apply for a variation

sorry what does variation mean??? CM has an assisstant which i was told covers her for having two little ones....is this not true??????

It will be on her certificate if she can have 2 under 1 or if she works with an assistant

If you can't remember look at inspection reports on the OFSTED website (www.ofsted.gov.uk)

hi sheepgirl. can i just say congratulations on choosing a cm to care for your baby. cms really offer the best type of care for under 3s. i know what you mean about "behind closed doors" but anything could be happening in a nursery, with children, sometimes 6 "babies" being looked after by a 19 year old. i have an open door policy, but to be honest am out an awful lot with the children, on school runs, playgroup visits etc. i think childminders to a wonderful job, but like any profession there are some cm that let the side down so to speak. i have been c/m for years and know a wide range of cm and to be honest the worst ones just let the kids watch a bit too much tv and have one too many bisquits. and thats about it! so dont worry, ive lost count of mums that have cried on the first day. ( only natural)
honestly, everything will be fine. hopefully your cm will become almost one of the family and will support you for many years to come. good luck with starting back at work.

A good few years ago, my friend asked me to follow her new childminder about the town one day to check how her PFB was being treated. CM was fantastic, never stopped talking to him, pointing things out, cuddling him, making sure he was warm enough etc. I think it would be impossible to be like that out on show, but then switch it off behind closed doors, so to speak. Friend felt awful doing it, but it really put her mind at rest (she was terribly overprotective) She has four kids now, and cringes when reminded of it.

I never take too much notice of Ofsted reports - I know a couple of childminders who got a good/outstanding and I wouldn't leave a goldfish with them. One never bothers with seatbelts for her own children as it is too much trouble.

implicitly, or she wouldn't be my childminder.

She was recommended by a friend who is very particular so I knew that if she was good enough for my friend she'd be good enough for me. She has grown up kids of her own and has been childminding for 20 years. She had some glowing references as well and her Ofsted report was very good.

But it is such a personal thing and one person's ideal is another's nightmare.

It's very hard when you have to leave them to go back to work but it does get easier.

Can you do some introductory sessions with her for a few hours at a time, building up t the full day so that she and your baby get used to each other and you get to know her a bit better? That way, by the time you start back at work you will have built up a certain amount of trust.