Nanny settle in time

[Countryandconfused]

Hi ladies .
Hoping someone can help . I have just started back to work full time . Working from home . We have hired a live in nanny, living in only due living hours away from us . She was a referral from friends and seemed perfect . We chatting and emailed and Skyped a few times and she arrived a week ago. She is supposed to work for 5 hours per day , the other hours I work dd can easily be with me . Now here’s the thing , she seems pretty uninterested in dd, almost annoyed by her . Not at all great at interacting with her, playing, reading . Just kind of minimum effort and sitting on the floor with her. Dd is 18months and very easy going , happy to do just about anything once she is interacting and not being ignored . I have dd in the mornings and then from 6 onwards and wish more than anything I could have her full time , I genuinely love being with her and having her all to myself . New nanny likes to chat a lot , totally fine but in the mornings and evenings when I’m with dd I want my focus to be on dd and not chatting /small talk with nanny yet I don’t want to be rude to her.

My real question is how long would you give a nanny /au pair before you deemed it a poor match and move on which is what I believe this is ?

So nanny works 1-6 roughly

Is new to area - lives in and chats to you - but you don’t want that

She is probably lonely. Knows no one

Do you leave nanny to it and work in a different room
/upstairs

Sorry I should have mentioned that we run a hotel so not the norm living situation and lots of people around . She actually lived in the area up until two years ago so lots of friends and some family in the area . We also have a range of activities on site which she is more than welcome to partake in in free time.

As a get to know dd , I’ve been in same room and working less and showing nanny what my normal day with dd is, games she likes, activities etc .

I was going to say the same, maybe she is lonely, but given the update about there being activities to do, as a nanny, I would be getting use out of them!
Have you allowed the nanny to take her out and about (parks etc...?) That may help them bond. If you are in the room, it is harder to relax I find.
I am an experienced nanny but I find it awkward singing nursery rhymes on my tod when parents are in ear shot.
Also, it won't do your daughter harm to not have 100% focus all the time. Having a chat with the nanny with your daughter there is actually a good thing. Children should be able to learn to play alone and that the world doesn't centre around them. Obviously different when the nanny is there because she is being paid. Have you shown her where the arts and crafts stuff is? I personally would find it boring being sat on the floor with a toddler for that amount of time. I try to break the day up in to sections including arts and crafts, park time, etc... i have a general plan but am also quite child led in that I let them choose a lot of what we do.

Maybe she is lonely . I’ll have a chat to her. We are rural so lots of land around us , a river, woods so walks are really just around that. Nanny doesn’t drive so nowhere outside of here really that’s in walking distance .

I do think you’re probably right that maybe she would relax if I wasn’t there and be more interactive with her . My thoughts were “ if she’s so short with her when I’m here, what would she be like if I’m not “ . But maybe I’m over thinking it .

DD’s day is pretty much child led but I didn’t realise we had such a routine until I was explaining it . I.e after she has her lunch time nap we always go for a walk and if weather nice play outside.

I think I’ll see how the next few weeks go and then see . Maybe it’s first time parent over worrying about it.

Is she a nanny or an au pair? Are you paying nanny rates or au pair and how much experience does she have with children of your child's age?

I've had both and the amount of input needed from a parent is vastly different with an au pair compared to a nanny.

A nanny at nanny rates . We didn’t want an au pair for a number of reasons but one of them was the fact that we have very little family time all together and didn’t want to host an au pair as part of family .

I wouldn't be surprised if she was better with your DD when you aren't there. It does sound very boring for the nanny though. I'd struggle with it. I'm not sure I could have sat and 'played' with my kids at 18months. I'd do activities with them and read but playing for hours would be a push.
I think it was a mistake to hire someone without their own car. It must make her feel isolated.
Does she go home at weekends?
Are there any other nannies around?
Do you have other staff who live in? Could she hang out with them?

That’s what I mean , dd likes to play games, paint , play outside , loves music . Nanny doesn’t seem interested in doing any of them with her . She’s chosen not to go home at the weekend and has done activities at the hotel over the days off just not on the morning or evenings she’s off . Yes lots of other staff on the team , of similar age . Some living on site , some down the road. We offered a car as part of the package but she declined. I’ll give it a few weeks and maybe she will settle in.

@Countryandconfused it sounds like a dream job to me. I wish I wasn't sorted for September, I would love a little job like this!

How odd! Maybe she just needs some input from you - I’d sit down with her and work out a a while together based on what you usually do, stuff your daughter likes and things your nanny likes...

Maybe it’s a confidence thing. I also made it clear to my nannies that their phone time was kept to an absolute minimum during their work time..

I think she sounds terrible. Your gut instinct is probably right.

I recently was hired by my sister & her husband to watch my neice (3Y) & nephew (18Mo) of course I love them all to pieces!! Her hubby is WFM and I can't explain why but sometimes I just freeze up when he's around! I get super awkward, in my head thinking "Omg why did i just say that!?" I think there's tons of little reasons why this happens. If this is the case, she could be just trying to observe how they play, how you interact as a family, what works/what doesn't, how they communicate etc. Also it sounds like this was an awesome match and this job probably means a lot to her already!Without meaning to, she could be trying to avoid inevitable situations that lead to tantrums or upsetting the child, it is never easy to find the right words in front of a parent at first. This can come off as disinterest or like she is lost/out of her element. It's more likely she has the skill and knows how to appropriately handle these situations, but lacks the confidence to take charge while you're in the room. I think once she gets more familiar and comfortable in your household overall, you will see a world of difference! What helped the most for me was having a written down, general daily to reference as I learn day to day. On another sheet I had a little list of random but helpful information they wrote for me. They actually wrote "do not be afraid of making them cry, they will cry and it's ok. Be kind but firm." If you have an upstairs bedroom to where you can hear generally what's going on downstairs, leave the door open and you might just be pleasantly surprised by the silliness you'll hear lol! That way too you can make sure you are in fact comfortable with the way she is redirecting or handling stern moments, and she can feel a bit more in control and comfortable taking charge.

Is she new to Nannying? Maybe shes just trying to find her feet? However in my experiance as a nanny i usually hit it off with the familiy in the first few days at most especally if i spend eveyday with them. 18 months is a brillant age to do inteactive and developmentive play and i'm not sure why the nanny isnt showing more encouragement? I'ts vital you all get on and are on the same page and at nanny rates shes not just a babysitter she there to work with you to help your little one through develpomental milestones. Maybe have a chat and let her know what you expect from her and ask her what she would like out of it. :)