CM CLUB: Childcarers/parents opinions please.

[PinkChick]

the cm's will no some of this story from this morn but....

im a cm, had to attend important meeting for my own dd yesterdaya fternoon, mindees parents couldnt get out of work, i said i could ask another cm if she could cover, asked mum if she wanted to phone/meet her she said no.

took mindee to this cm's yesterday, she had a "beware of the bull dog" sign on her front door and inside was a huge bouncy bull dog, taller than the baby gate that was stopping it getting out of kitchen, but a babygate at least.
House(dont shoot me, i dont have dogs for this and other reasons) was very doggy(smelling/hairs) and room for children was bare plaster with wires coming out of walls were new t.v was being attatched to it(it has been like this for some time, although i hadnt seen it, she had been telling me about it on school run)
cm said to mindee lets get the barbies out(no toys anywere to be seen?)
I reluctantly left mindee there(felt incredibly guilty as i owuld neevr leave dd somewhere like that, but i HAD to attend this meeting with no children and mum had said she wouldnt/couldnt finish work early) and dp and i both said we were shocked and felt awful about leaving mindee.
got back from meeting and rang cm, her dh said they were out but mindee was fine, rang mum at home time to explain i didnt know she had big dog, mum didnt seem concerned.

today i collect mindee from nursery, ask if she had nice time, she said yes, asked what she did..she said she played with barbies, asked if cm played too, she said "No, she watched telly"!..i said oh did she put cartoons on for you?..No, she watched grown up telly???!!
then she said she went upstairs to play with a funny toy?, that was black and white?..(she didnt know/couldnt explain what it actually was?), i aske dwere cm was, she said down stairs watching telly!???, then she came up and played for a bit.
My dd then asked her what she did at cm's, mindee said the dog 'sniffed' her..i asked her if the dog came in the room and she said no, she then said she went into the kitche and garden were dog was and it kept licking and sniffing her(the dog is easilly a foot taller than her)
i asked what she had for snack time(we d this 3.30 when all in from school), she said nothing as cm didnt have time(back from school run 3.30, mindee stayed till 4.30)

nnow...the school ring me whenever there is a cm enquiry, lately i have told them to ring this cm as im full, but me personally wouldnt take anychild there knowing what i now know, so what do i do?, shes registered(dp said he has no idea how!)do i say something to school as i recomended her to them as a back up for me, what do i say to parent whos child went yesterday?
i know my opinions can be v.different regarding cleanliness and animals so wanted to hear what others thought before i speak to anyone.

[COUNTPinkChickULA]

yes, i did, but i asked for opinions on what to do regarding speaking to mum/school/cm, i alreadys stressed i had felt guilty about haing to leave her, but when her own mum didnt so much as ring the woman to sound her out, i cant keep being the one who changes plans evry time(which is what happens)and i also wonderd if i was being anal about dogs/cleanliness.

[COUNTPinkChickULA]

ok, i think the moral of this story is..give out number of cm if i cannot work..let parent meet them and arrange care..under no circumstances do i take them there, as then even though i am handing over care, i am still deemed responsable?..i will not make this mistake again.

[nospeak]

The CM sounds useless, you were right to be concerned.

Surprised at a parent allowing their child to go to a complete strangers house. You sound more concerned for the child's welfare than the parent which is sad .

[MissInvisible]

i was/am and feel terrible for leaving her when i wasnt happy, but this happens(well similar things) ALL the time, im not her mum, i cant keep cancelling things, mum has got to take some responsability, i would NEVER let my dd go to someones house she didnt know 8-(

[Kiddi]

Miss invisible is that pink chick? Yes Iam not a nasty person I just find the responsibility issue such a scary fine line. I have only been a CM 5 yers but I learn new things all the time, and I live my life worrying but trying to make sure I have no reason for regret. I am glad you have decided to shove the responsibility back on the parent shoulders, you are right you are not the mum, and she needs to be prodded to take more care/interest herself. at the end of the day if you either are available or are not its the mums job to sort out SUITABLE alternatives, and whislt we all bend over backwards to keep or paretns happy sometimes we have to take a step back and put ourselves and our well being first. This is something research show CMs do not do enough and whilst nurseries, ahve well being and staff care policies we are responsible for managing our own work life balance, If you can suceed at being a bit more selfish it actually works out best for the children in the long run.

[dmo]

i had a 9 yr old child after school
mum would text me when she needed me to pick the child up
at 5 0 clock the phone rang it was the headmaster asking if i was meant to pick x up from school as he was still at school i said no and phoned mum who informed me i was meant to pick him up but she had forgot to text me so i ran to school with 3 mindees to pick him up.
another time she phoned to say the car had broken down and could i keep her son for a bit, i said i couldnt as i had a course booked at 6.30 so she said she would collect by 6. at 6.45 she turned up saying sorry
then thurs she text to say the next time she text would i send x running down the hill (across 6 roads) as she was running late.
x was not sure where to go (as if i would let him go on his own anyway) so as it was 6pm and all mindees had gone i took x myself to meet his mum.

i text mum on saturday to give notice but she text back pleading as she cant do her job without my help. dh said i am being hard but i'm not sure dont think i want to be involved anymore (plus mum cant aford to pay me already 2 weeks behind) i have wiped the slate clean with the notice as i'm not othered bout the money but what would you lot do??

[AskABusyPerson]

PinkChick, how awful for you to have to leave mindee in environment you felt uncomfortable with, I am v suprised mum didn't want to know more / meet the cm / see her house.... still, at least she knows now.

I have cm near me that I know is rarely in same room as mindees, she has video monitor link to kitchen/study......I'd never say anything to parents (I know them) as they are obv happy with care their children get but it does irk me when I (and I'm sure many other cms) am busting a gut to give mindees a happy, safe, secure environment with activities, toys, outings etc etc and others appear to do very little.....

I never recommend other cms, even one how is good friend too and I think is fab cm, as each parent's views differ on what they want their children to do, I stick to the 'there are other cms in the area, contact local childrens info service and visit them' thing.

PS Don't think you at all anal about dogs/cleanliness, I am terrified of dogs and teach mindees to be wary (not terrified!) of dogs they do not know, and although my house wouldn't win Anthea's housewife test it is clean and tidy (well, tidy except when the mindees are playing but then that's ok!!)

[maximummummy]

pinkchick - don't take this the wrong way but i do think you are very anal about cleanliness(not necassarily a bad thing) in fact it was this very endearing quality of yours that got me addicted to mum's net you had a thread about a little girl who was a bit on the grubby side with dirty fingernails and a dirty coat which you had washed and were desparately trying to dry before pickup i honestly nearly peed my pants reading that thread
you sound like a fantastic childminder but i think you just care too much which probabally sounds awfull coming from another childminder - some parents have very slack standards and i'd never send my son to someone i hadn't met NO WAY

[MissInvisible]

Aw maximmummy, ive got tears in my eyes, well this is the same child..so no improvemnts there then!

thanks everyone and Kiddi, im sorry for biting your head off, i didnt know your were a cm also and i suppose as i already felt guilty, you made me feel worse..i felt awful leaving her there and regarldess of me not being in charge of her, if anything had happend, i would have felt to blame, so i guess it was me being defensive.

Think, what im going to do is compile a list f local childminders, stressing they are not recomended just an extensive list of those clsoe by who the parents can ring if they need help and hand that out when i cannot work.

thsi child/parent are a concern to me most days, they have arrived(in their car this morning) today, it is totally ppouring down, mindee has normal coat, sandle shoes on, a spare pair of socks{shock]..although they were dropped in a puddle on the way in and thats it!..we walk 20 mins to school and mum constantly forgets to bring a change of clothes, meaning she will be sat in pants while her clothes are on radiator drying this afternoon!.

i fashioned a waterproof for her out of a much too big one i'd bought(had to cut it to peices to make it short enough to fit her), so her top half was dry, but feet and trousers were soaking when i dropped her at nursery..i know then that nursery will loan her a dry set of trousers, but then they'll enevr get taken back, nursery will keep asking me and next time it rains itll all happen again!im having a fab day today!

[MissInvisible]

DMO sadly i think there are lots of people about like that!, i COULDNT understand today why , i was the one so stressed about mindee getting wet when parents just were not botherd in the least!

AABP, i know what you mean, she has one particular lovely little girl(im full so not poaching) and i think i could give her so much more fun here, she cries everytime she gets picked up by this cm and am at the video links with that cm!!!!..how can parents be happy with that!!!

[Kiddi]

I know im a bit over opinionated but thats me im afraid. on a good note I have an A4 list of minders that I give to parents also with the CIS number on it at the bottom and the local support group vacancy coordinator also.
Top of the list is a bit saying 'these minders are known to me and possibly your children' with name contact number, address postcode and schools covered( with CM permission of course), then a bit below with 'these minders are not known to me or your child but do operate in teh local area or from apporpriate schools'. Its good for partnership with parents in case of sickness etc they can look at their list and ring round( if they can find it) and if not you are free to be ill in piece as you have already given them alternatives previously