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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Risks to Grandparents of mixed childcare

23 replies

JassyJS · 20/07/2020 07:40

Hi everyone. What are you all doing re grandparents in September? My daughter is 2 and before lockdown had two days with my parents (in 70s) and one day each with me, MIL and childminder. Me and Dad are both teachers and back at work in front of kids in Sept. Not sure how others are coping with the dilemma of trying to keep parents safe but still involved.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
labyrinthloafer · 20/07/2020 07:58

Hi, this is very tricky. The hardest bit is probably the childminder as they are not known to you personally plus presumably have other children.

What do all the GPs think?

DancingShadows · 20/07/2020 08:08

What do your parents think? I'd feel inclined to protect mine if I was in a similar situation, considering their ages.

Could your daughter go to the childminder an extra couple of days? I can't see how the spread of the virus won't increase in September once children are all back in school, thereby increasing risk to your parents if they were to look after her.

How old is you MIL and what sort of health is she in? Could she have your daughter for a another day or two?

Apple40 · 20/07/2020 14:42

Hi, Iam a childminder and the guidance currently is one setting only where possible. I don’t offer 1 day a week spaces anyway but sorry I would not agree to a contract currently where a child was in so many different settings each week the risk is just to high.

jannier · 21/07/2020 21:41

How would you feel about having pupils that attended 4 other settings? Especially if you were vulnerable. I'd use that as my guide along with government guidelines

Spied · 21/07/2020 21:47

I think I'd take the childminder out of the equation if at all possible.
It wouldn't be be fair on one set of grandparents of you allowed one 'side' to care for DD but denied the other as I'm sure they all want to be involved.

Spied · 21/07/2020 21:48

Or use the childminder full time

jannier · 21/07/2020 21:54

I'd also consider the quality of care the grandparents will give....some are very involved with lots of quality experience others are not, some cant say no and mums rules dont apply in my house others respect your parenting (I've worked with both sides and it can put a lot of stress on you as parents) sometimes it's nice to be a grandparent and act like one but if your taking over childcare duties for a major period of a week it's not fair on the child or the parents to walk over the line and act just like a gran you have to be childcare paid or unpaid trained or not.

AWryGiraffe · 21/07/2020 22:23

I don't know what to do either. My mum and dad usually do one day, nursery two days. We've not sent her back to nursery yet as I'm worried about increasing risk to my parents. Such a hard decision.

JassyJS · 21/07/2020 22:24

Thanks for your helpful comments everyone- it has given me lots to think about. Really appreciate your good advice and taking the time to comment.

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C33P0 · 21/07/2020 22:28

I'm currently deliberating over this too, and haven't actually broached it with my dad yet. I have added an extra day at nursery, so there is only one day to cover.

kaffkooks · 28/07/2020 10:32

This is such a difficult issue that a lot of people are facing but some helpful questions to discuss with your parents

  1. What is their health like? Are they at increased risk of becoming unwell with COVID eg. Age over 70 years, diabetic, lung disease or heart problems
  2. Are they and you happy to be put at risk of catching coronavirus by looking after your children?
  3. What can you do to reduce risk of infection?
  4. What will you do when child has COVID symptoms such as cough, cold or temperature?

I live in a different city to grandparents but we would usually all visit each other regularly. We are going to stay with my mum next week but, as a result, my children are not at out of school care this week as I don't want them to pick something up and take it to Granny!

Lightheadedjugglingmum · 28/07/2020 10:37

this is such a problem - I have the same issue and it's heartbreaking to keep kids away from grandparents, but they are too tired to keep the kids full-time. My head is totally spinning. I have a uni student babysitting the kids while I work remotely (can't trust her alone at home as she's too young), but now I'm being requested to return to the office and everything is going to collapse.

Ericaequites · 31/08/2020 23:47

If grandparents are reasonable about diet, discipline, and other issues, they are much better than a child minder. No one but family will put your child first. By 3, half day nursery is good for all children to do messy play and meet other children.

jannier · 01/09/2020 08:19

@Ericaequites
Do you know what a childminder does? Its not just feed play and nappies. We follow exactly the same guidelines as a nursery and usually have the same qualifications as a nursery manager some of us higher. I offer language support, one to one physio and SEN support. Most of my children stay with me until starting full time school and never go to nursery 2 that did go to school nursery returned becouse they were not learning anything and found they were going backwards.
Messy plsy is done from the time a child can sit well before they are 1 you don't wait until they are 3 it has huge benefits to developmeny. ....so the grandparent should be offering this as well as other sensory play....treasure baskets, lights, scent boxes scensory bottles....if there not willing to baby needs to be getting it from someone....toddler groups for example.
They also need to be on board with promoting self care....encouraging dressing, wiping own bottom, pouring own drink and self feeding for example this is often a major issue with grandparent care.

Frazzled2207 · 01/09/2020 08:27

My children are (primary) school age but I have a similar issue. Both sets look after then left after school one day a week.
As it stands they want to do so. Neither set has much to do these days apart from look after their grandchildren.
Yes I do worry but at the end of the day I think denying the children a relationship with their grandchildren would be crueller. We saw PiLs at a restaurant last night and having barely seen them since March the kids are really shy around them at the moment. They need a chance to recover a real relationship with them. Their choice at the end of the day IMO.

Justtickingboxes · 01/09/2020 12:38

It's not accurate to compare grandparents to professional child-minders. Grandparents mainly introduce kids to a calm home routine of shopping, cooking, chatting and hanging out - not intensive stimulation - and they also tend to leave kids watching TV or on ipads or eating treats! This is why a balance is necessary.

jannier · 01/09/2020 13:25

I have a child who is a gp,s child one a consultant and 1 an OT none of them are rusking using grandparents who are normally fit and well. They are in the bubble with me see their friends etc. Parents are very careful with hygiene.

jannier · 01/09/2020 13:30

@Justtickingboxes.
I think its becouse lots dont understand what a childminder is and see us as mums doing their own chores whilst watching the kids not as early years educators doing the same as nursery.....and many don't think under 3s need much stimulation.

Ericaequites · 02/09/2020 03:05

@Jannier-
You have far better qualifications than most works in child care centers in the States.
Grandparents can provide a highly enriched environment. My grandmother let me play in sand, mud, snow, and water. Her button box, picking up sticks, finding acorns, picking vegetables, and playing in the cow pasture gave me all sorts of sensory experiences. We went shopping and visiting, played with our dogs and cats, and other things now thought harmful. She read to me, and encouraged me to play with open ended toys, as well as found items.
There were no toddler groups fifty years ago. Children played with neighbors, relatives' children, or those of family friends.
My grandmother and mother had me pottytrained before I was two, dressing myself, and drinking from proper cups.
Diagnosing special needs in very young children is risky; why pathologize children who may just need more time. Allowing for individual needs is something not so easy in a communal setting.

Good enough care from parents or other family members is generally  better than the disinterested care available in most American day care.
Family members can impose stricter discipline than timeouts and gentle warnings.  It's better children cry now than you cry over them when they are grown.  Before children learn from others, they need rules and values at home.   

On Mumsnet, grandparents are usually dismissed as not understanding what today's children need. Love and the sense of connection and commitment from grandparent or other family care is invaluable.

When my grandmother developed dementia, I cared for her until she could not stay at home. My mother or I, often both of us, visited every day when she was at the nursing home.

Three is very young to attend even nursery school. Here, sending to part time nursery school at four and full day kindergarten at five is more usual. My sibling and I could not have managed all day school without naps or rest at four.

jannier · 02/09/2020 09:10

@Ericaequites
I would agree that a stimulating family environment is the best....if it is stimulating but not all grandparents are up for that so it depends on the grandparents.
From what I've seen daycare in the US can be very different to here hopefully what Ive seen is not the norm. Does it differ according to what you can afford?
Personally I think school starts too early here especially now some are taking 3 year olds full day....yes into nursery but still with the same expectation as they used to take 4 year olds. We are definitely moving institutionalized children with the focus on getting them into the most cost effective childcare from the government. An early years teacher can have 13 3 year olds so with a few assistants 40 children can be accommodated. We all know you can't give individual care to all on that ratio yet the teaching requirements are the same as in a childminder with 3 children.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/09/2020 11:27

I wouldn’t send to a cm and gp

As the risk to their health as cm will be having lots of children

Ericaequites · 02/09/2020 13:41

Day care in New England is expensive. High quality care is more expensive. Many women spend most of their income on childcare, as they "can not" afford a career break.
I agree with you about institutionalized childcare.
Yes, I started off too combative. My maternal grandmother spent far more awake time with me for most of my childhood. She passed over two decades ago, and I miss her almost every day. We have more in common than I though.

jannier · 02/09/2020 18:07

@Ericaequites.....i firmly belive children are best in small family groups until 4 providing there is the right stimulus and encouragement...not babying....and enough meeting other children with plenty of affection..but as I said not all grandparents or even parents can provide this. As a childminder I care for 3 or occasionally 4 under 5s generally they start between 6 months and a year and stay to 11 or 12 years .....im godmother to 2 of my ex mindees, have had their children come to me when they became parents, my chikdren in their late 20s are still friends with some thry grew up with and chikdren who leave are always visiting even 10 years later. They become like family in many ways. I'm senco trained, have qualifications to degree level, and frequently work with children (and their families) going through loss or trauma. I refer children for specialist help with language and developmentsl disorders and am portage trained they are things grandparents can not usually do.

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