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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

I work for a bully

6 replies

YellowWave · 16/07/2020 20:50

I work for a bully of a woman. Shes so nice and sweet at first and she's so nice and sweet to every one but there's another side to her. It took me a long time to see.

She wasn't working today and she had me do my usual day. She had plans at home. She was planning a lunch date with some of her friends in her dining room. She decided to get me to help her clean the dining room. First of all she refused to maintain any sort of social distancing and she kept walking into my personal space and breathing down my neck. She had a real 'Yellow, come hinder, right now' attitude. She was getting me to tidy the dining room and put away the father's work from home stuff into the bedroom out of the way. I was working and then I decided to sweep the floor. She around the place huffing -
Clean the bathroom yellow,
Empty the dishwasher
Do the laundry

It was just her attitude that she used with me. It wasn't even an ask from her. It was more like orders from her. I'm not superwoman. I was working through the jobs and she marches up to me and barks I asked you to empty the dishwasher, would you please do it. Even though I was working through the list of jobs. She was nasty. She wanted the place spic and span for her lunch date at home.

One of the children who was at home picked up on the mood and she tried to diffuse the mother's mood and asked her - 'is there anything I can do to help' and the woman just barked the kid. The woman spoke as if the child interrupted her on purpose or something. The woman barked - 'you know you're not helping me when you stop me to ask these things. If you see something that needs to be done, just do it. If you see something that needs to be put away, put it away'.

It was an absolute dirty attitude that she had. Of course it all disappeared when her mates arrived into the house and sat around the place, not even normal talking and laughing. It sounded like a drunken hen party get-together where people shout and do that laugh shouting where the next town can hear them.

The woman is refusing to maintain any sort of social distancing. The eldest teenager is meeting her friends in town every day. The middle child has regular sleep overs. The youngest child has an intellectual disability and continues to attend her special school half days. The parents has increased their social life's since the pubs and restaurants have been allowed open - you're talking about plans every weekend. The lock down brought about a reduction in movements but since the easing of the lock-down its almost as of they want life to go back to the way it was. The middle child was very sick as a baby and a condition where I would be very concerned about this virus but the parents are adamant that the virus doesn't effect children as badly.

I'm heartbroken seeing what they are doing. I love all of their children but there is a huge risk for the middle child with this virus and I'm utterly heartbroken how they are rushing back to their old life's of going out every weekend. Not to mention the risk they are putting me and also my family through. I've been following the guidelines down to T. The economy is opening up. Businesses are opening up but I'm still living with reduced movements.

I'm putting my family at risk because of this job. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
FTMF30 · 16/07/2020 20:56

Why don't you look for another job?
I understand it might be difficult as you have an emotional attachment to the kids, but her behaviour won't magically get better. Don't put up with it.

underneaththeash · 17/07/2020 11:35

Like any job, if you're unhappy just find another job and leave. You're not going to change her and no-one has the right to speak unkindly to you. It's easier to find a job when you have one already, so make sure your DBS check and first aid are up to date and then look around. You sound like a nanny/housekeeper and there are usually lots of jobs to choose from.

However, the other things to do with her choosing to go out (she's allowed to do that), her eldest is allowed to meet people and you're also allowed to have someone else staying over now - they are none of your business. If you choose not to do those things that's up to you, but you can't dictate your choices to someone else.
The virus does affect children less - that's clear from all the literature.
What condition did the middle child have that you think would make him/her more prone to complications if he contracted covid?

Florencemattell · 17/07/2020 18:25

Look for another job.
Cleaning is not part of a nanny’s job. Children’s rooms, playrooms yes but otherwise you only clear the mess you make.
If you feel she is not maintaining social distancing then you don’t need to give notice as she is not providing a safe working environment.
Maybe email her and ask her to maintain social distancing. If she ignores your request I would just leave , no notice.
Ring your nanny insurance for legal advice. Ring Acas for advice too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/07/2020 07:47

How long have you been there

Was she always like this

Why do you stay

Look for another job

And what they are doing - they are allowed - to go out - meet friends - go to pubs etx

Tootletum · 23/07/2020 20:12

You seem to be conflating her being rude to you with her not maintaining social distance. The former is a reason to leave, of course, but tbh nannying is not compatible with SD, any more than nursing is. She is allowed to live her life and I doubt there is any risk to the kids. Turns out most asthma isn't even a risk factor.

Florencemattell · 23/07/2020 23:13

@Tootletum

You seem to be conflating her being rude to you with her not maintaining social distance. The former is a reason to leave, of course, but tbh nannying is not compatible with SD, any more than nursing is. She is allowed to live her life and I doubt there is any risk to the kids. Turns out most asthma isn't even a risk factor.
Parents can and should socially distance. A covid risk assessment should be in place. A nanny cant socially distance from babies or young children. But additional steps can be taken re sharing toilets, food utensils etc. Nanny employers tend to forget they have a responsibility to provide a safe working environment. They should also have insurance in place should a nanny have an accident at work.
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