Children having trouble settling with new nanny

[pinkcarpet]

2 weeks ago we had a new nanny start work, 3 days a week. The children met her during the interview process and liked her. The day before she started she came for 2 hours to play and on her first full day of work I took a half day off to show her round, spend time with her with kids and handover. The next day my DH did the same. Our older DC is perfectly happy but our youngest who is 2.5 has not settled at all well and even now 2 weeks on is screaming "no don't leave me" in the morning when the nanny arrives and we handover. She also screams periodically throughout the day that she doesn't want the nanny and wants me or DH.

Looking for some advice on how to make the transition smoother and on how a nanny would prefer the handover to go. Our new nanny seems very flustered by the emotions of our 2.5yr old.

It is a hard age but will take time

Assume you are working at home as well so that’s hard for child and nanny

Hmm .....put a camera where you can see her when she is alone with them.

Is this your children's first nanny?

My younger DC (17 months) hates being with other people but it just took some time getting used to each other. She had a really hard time when her first nanny left and our new one started (2 days a week).

And how about your new nanny, is she young? What's her experience like? She shouldn't be getting too flustered at toddler outbursts.

Its their third nanny, we have had 1 who works 2 days a week (and not able to do more hours) for a couple of years and this new nanny is a replacement for the other lady who has not been able to work since March due to shielding (she is immune supressed). My older DC is fine and I thought this would help but DC2 is really struggling. It is definitely much harder when I can't leave the house. I "disappear" to a home office but they do know I'm in the house because I don't actually leave for my commute like I used to. And I'm not likely to be commuting regularly until January so I can't rely on that making it easier anytime soon.

I know the new nanny has more experience with older kids but she said at interview she had worked in nurseries before as well as nannying so I assumed a toddler tantrum wouldn't phase her.

How about the many takes them for a walk first thing she arrives? That instantly changes the scene, she is very definitely the only person in charge in your child's mind and hopefully this message can carry on throughout the day. I think you might always have an element of this issue with some children when they know the parent us also at home. You just have to ignore them and always say ask xxx or xxx is in charge and make the point. I think children have all got a bit confused over the lockdown period, especially small ones so they dont know quite what's happening at the moment. It needs time. I agree the nanny shouldnt be flustered by tantrums, I'd question whether she is appropriate to be dealing with both children.

Did someone just suggest secretly filming new nanny in her first week? That’s awful. I’d be out of the door sharpish if an employer did that to me.

I think 2 is a trickier age, I’m sure it will just take a bit of settling time. I like the walk idea- breaks the cycle.

It is worrying that your nanny is flustered by a perfectly normally behaving toddler. Is this her first job?

Definitely no secret filming .

I nanny for a recently turned 2 year old and some days she can get upset when a parent leaves and other days is not bothered at all. We have the advantage though that we can wave from the window as the parent drives away... we have that transition. You don't have a clear transition as you are still in the house. So I like the idea of nanny taking them out if that is something that could work given the start time and weather conditions. Maybe only do it if 2yr old is showing signs of upset. "Sorry that I can't be with you all day today but x is here and you can go to y... can you put your boots on?" Have things ready for a quick departure by nanny and your children with a place to go to... local duck pond perhaps of wherever 2yr old likes to go.

Thanks I like the idea of getting outside. She starts at 8.30am and usually the DCs are finishing their breakfast when she arrives but they could go out by 9am most days. We're in Scotland so weather isn't always great but DCs don't mind the rain.

I would not be keen on any secret filming, sounds creepy!

Nanny has 10 years experience according to her CV but I get the impression she's done a lot more working with older children than toddlers.

@Destroyedpeople

Hmm .....put a camera where you can see her when she is alone with them.

😫😫😫 I’m pretty sure if the nanny was hurting the child the older children would speak up. What a shitty thing to say. Toddlers are known for being a bit clingy.

I’d sit down with her and discuss strategies to use when your youngest has a tantrum. She most likely isn’t sure what approach to take if you’re there,

I also think your nanny might feel a bit flustered as you’re in the house! It’s a different dynamic isn’t it and she’ll probably be worrying about making a good impression in her first week and it might take her a bit to suss out your child. Also mine screamed his head off 3 x a week at nursery from 18 months to 3yo so some of them are just that way.

If it makes any difference I'm in a room as far away from.the kids as possible (small back bedroom at the far end of the house) so i can't see them at all nor hear anything , other than the big tantrums where I feel bad for not getting involved but as a general rule I would never interfere during nanny's working day. Our other nannies have always taken tantrums in their stride and been great at toddler negotiations! I will try and talk to her tomorrow but its very hard to speak as DC2 is shouting for me the minute I appear and won't let me ignore her or speak to nanny for long!

Feel really sorry for your nanny to be honest . Really hard when you are in the house and can pop in at anytime .
I am the nanny in a similar situation I handle a tantrum so much better when mum isnt in the house.

Audrey maybe I didn't explain it well but once I've handed over to the nanny the kids do not see me at all until I have finished work. I deliberately stay out of their way and leave the nanny to it. I have a full day of work to do, the reason I need a nanny in the first place!