What if my baby only sees one person all day?

[ssaahhdd]

Hi,

I need to do some more research on this but I thought I'd reach out to the Mumsnet massive for their wise thoughts as a first port of call.

I'm currently on maternity leave and due to go back to work in September, when DD will be 9 months old. I'm currently looking for a childminder. Meanwhile, DH is employed but wants to give up his job to focus on his current self employment project (which is completely home-based and doesn't require full attention all day). It's a big step in general and we're not sure that he'll do it, ...but it's made more attractive by the thought of him being able to become a stay at home dad and us saving on childcare fees.

We've agreed to do a run-through where he takes a week off work and looks after her for the week and see how it goes. We've talked about how the typical day might go and he will make sure he spends enough time doing age appropriate 'educational' play activities with her, and try to get outdoors most days (though I don't even manage to do that myself now, so not essential I suppose).

My reservations are about her not being around other babies / children / adults. From my limited reading so far, it seems that young babies don't actually need to see other babies or children to develop their social skills - that their parents are enough. And of course on weekends we'll be seeing friends and family. But, while right now I take her out and about during the week while visiting friends with babies, or out to the shops or whatever... DH would not be doing any of that.

Does anybody know if this will affect her negatively in any way? Has anybody done similar and have experience of it?

BTW : we have said that no matter what, we will place her in a nursery from 2-or-3 years old (exact age TBD depending on my research ) - at an age when she will DEFINITELY need more education, fun, stimulation, outings, socialisation etc. So my question is regarding an under-2 year old, let's say.

Thanks in advance!

Why won't he go out and about with her? Parks, library, and toddler groups are a godsend when you're a stay-at-home parent to a toddler.

I don't think she will be "held back" at all by the lack of socialisation, but I know (from lockdown) that being at home with only a toddler for company is HARD!

Hah trust me he won't need/want to go out for himself - he's a proper homebody.

Thanks for the response :)

Hmm. A 6 month old (as you have now) is a very different proposition from a mobile baby and especially a toddler. Toddlers need watching all the time, demand your attention if you try to do anything, and will wreck the house if you stay in all day! Ok slight exaggeration but honestly I think your DH needs an accurate picture of what his day will be like - it won’t be fitting in educational play among work, it will be fitting in the odd 5 min snatch of work in between incessant toddler watching and toddler entertaining.

Baby groups like singing at the library are not generally for the grown ups - it's for the babies. He may be a 'homebody' but if he is commiting to being a sahd then he needs to do activities for the baby. Obviously at the moment these groups are not running but they are such a good thing to take babies too - especially free/cheap ones like library groups and stay and play. It's their first little introduction to the big wide world.

I don’t believe babies and toddlers need anyone other than their immediate family. Social outings And baby classes are for the parents. We did some of those things, but not every day. I did put dd in a program when she turned 3 so she could get used to being in a group before starting school

Baby 'classes' are very different to a freebie library baby group though. I never took my baby to a 'class'. Just casual drop in type places which if some weeks we didn't get to go to it didn't matter but it did also mean my daughter learnt to see familar faces -whether that was other babies or the man in the post office. Watching a group of babies doing tummy time on a mat in a community centre hall is great. They facinate each other, make noises to each other. They are learning to socialise.
To me there are places that are just 'life' places. Places you go to on a regular basis and just do ordinary things. Going to the library, going to the supermarket, a cafe, picking up a package from the post office etc. It's very important to do these things with babies so they experience these (sometimes mundane) things. To me the whole point of being a stay at home parent is to do these things.

Maybe find a local nursery with flexible hourly pay that you can put baby in for a few hours every day/every other day so that your husband can focus fully on his work for them few hours! That way you are still saving money not paying full time childcare and baby gets her socialisation and education needs met.

Or maybe a family member takes her for a morning to a baby club and it becomes part of the routine. My nan takes my sisters little one to a club every week and keeps her for the day to save a day of childcare and the little one and nan loves it and they have such a good bond together! I also had her 1 morning a week as part of her weekly routine and dropped her to nursery on my way to work, I always done the late shift at work on Tuesdays so it worked out well!

To be honest at the moment we can't really go anywhere anyway. DD has about a month of classes before lockdown and has seen another baby twice since then from a distanced walk. I do worry it will affect her development but so far she seems to be doing fine.
No baby classes are on where I live except online - do you know if any will be on near you when you go back?

It all depends on the quality of parenting and activities your DH will be able to do at home. If he’s a ‘homebody’ (which I read as useless man who does the bare minimum lol) and will be engrossed in his new project then nursery / childminder might be best for her - she will need lots of attention when she becomes more mobile.

So is your DH planning to work from home and look after your DD at the same time?

Now I know many people have been doing that for the last few months, but it isn’t ideal and most people I am sure are willing their childminders, nurseries to open again if they haven’t already.

My DH is a stay at home parent, I don’t think it effects DD at all that she isn’t around other people every day but she’s only a year old.

Like yourself she will go to nursery around 2/3 but we don’t see the point paying for someone else to watch her while he’s happy to do it for now.

I do agree with PP, a toddler is a different ballgame to a 6 month old - I highly doubt he will get a lot if any work done! Maybe he could do 2/3days at home and your baby could be in a nursery/childminder setting for 1/2 days so he can get some work done and get a break?

Good point about it being very different when she starts moving / walking. Hmm. We'll have to consider this more carefully.

Also good suggestions about putting her in childcare for a couple of hours / days, hadn't thought of that as an option..

Thanks all!

P.s. @ArchbishopOfBanterbury do you have an account with the same name on IG??

I have to agree from being a Sahm to now a childminder, playgroups etc are great the children get meet play with other children, play with different toys. There is usually craft/ messy activities to try with the added bonus it’s not at yours to cleanup. My children all love going to playgroup and seeing their friends each week. Obviously no one knows when playgroups etc will be allowed to open again, as we run our one we have no plans to open this side of October half term possible until after Christmas.

I would seriously consider the financial difficulties associated with setting up a new business during covid. Him giving up paid work and getting nothing will put a lot of strain on you and he wont get anything from any schemes as hes made himself jobless and not done a years self employment to get any grant.
Once your baby starts moving and napping once a day how will he care for business and set up and run a new business.
If baby isnt around others until its 3 with no access to sharing turn taking relating to peers nursery will be a struggle.
Will your husband set out and engage in messy and sensory play daily?
Many babies and toddlers are currently missing out on socialising (not through childcare but parks toddlers groups etc.) It's a big concern that this will impact on their development.
Children do not have to attend nursery to prepare for school they need good quality care and interactions as well as expectations and encouragement to be independent parents can do this, family can do this and settings like toddler groups, playgroup and childminders can support it.

How much work is he planning on doing? Because during lockdown, my husband and I have had to alternate with our 1yo. It isn’t possible to properly work and it has been hideous so I couldn’t recommend trying to do that set-up on a permanent basis.

I think socialisation is important. Mine has had her older sister for stimulation. I don’t think it mattered so much at just turned 1 but now at 16m I think she’s missing out a bit compared to my first. She’s fascinated by other children and will benefit from nursery by the time she goes at 18m. I felt with my first that nursery was a means to an end (Ie I needed childcare)from 12m-18m but I could see the benefits for her Fromm 18m plus.

How does your DH envisage his day? I cannot imagine how running your own business which requires some attention during the day would combine with an active, inquisitive 1 year old. Nap times could be surprisingly little - mine only had 1 nap of about 1.5 hours, and otherwise needed constant attention and care......

Just to update - this idea is now well and truly abandoned. We talked about the things brought up on this thread (socialisation included), and combined with the fact that now DD is beginning to shuffle backwards and getting herself tangled up in chair/table legs and needing watching all the time... DH agreed that it's not going to be doable :-D

((So as not to ignore those of you who asked about the work situation.. he wouldn't have been starting a business from scratch or anything. He trades the forex markets and wanted to leave his job to concentrate on it full time.. but 'full time' is not as much focus as a full time job as there are quiet times during the day))

Thanks all for the advice!

That’s good news, it’s a lovely idea in theory but in reality it would have been unsustainable.

Not sure that's the best advice for long term child development outside of covid emergency hence the worry about child development post covid