CM Club - Upset this morning, feeling really guilty but totally out of my control......!!!

[looneytune]

Some of you know from the staffroom that ds suddenly came out in a few spots on Friday late afternoon. I texted mum of baby to warn her he may have chickenpox and when they collected, I said I'd email the next day to confirm. I sensed she wasn't happy from her text responses plus when I called she didn't answer and then straight away after, her dh called me.

Anyway, did an email yesterday confirming he DOES have chickenpox, apologised and said it's out of my control etc. Well just got this reply......

"Oh dear. I AM a bit worried about this as we are going on holiday on Saturday ;( and not sure what rules and regulations are about travelling when one of your party has a contagious disease...I will have a look on the web. As far as her coming to you, I am happy about that as it's just her you have so if she DOES need special care, then you are on hand to do it (plus I have meetings on both days that in light of us going away + xyz, I am going to struggle to postpone/cancel). How is he? x"

I feel just terrible. I've already apologised, there's nothing I could have to to prevent it and I straight away informed them, what more could I do??!! It ISN'T just her baby I have but it is from 9ish-12.45 but then I have ds and then at 2.30 we do the other school run to get 3 yr old mindee. I will make sure she understands this so doens't get it in her head it's pure 1:1 care her baby will get BUT my main upset is the thing about her holiday. She's just made me feel much worse than I already did. I know she's not having a go as such but how should I respond to that bit???!!! Sounds to me like she's just letting me know she's not happy - that makes me feel a WHOLE lot better, thanks!!!

I shouldn't moan, they are a lovely family and she's obviously upset about the timing and venting off a bit but it upset me as I've already made it clear I feel really bad (I burst into tears on friday night after the dad collected as I knew they weren't happy). I hate this side of the job. I should just be worried about making sure my little boy is ok (tearful at times as got a cluster right on the edge of his eye so hurts to blink plus very very itchy).

Moan over, just got really upset and wanting to get some advice on how to respond.

Thanks

Yes, to protect other children in your care, you could refuse to have her. Also, she would need to be isolated, so it prevents you from doing your usual activities/outings etc.

Remember, it's your business, so you call the shots - not the client. Sure, consult with them... but ultimately you make the decisions.

Oh, from that point of view it's not a problem. On Thurs and Fri IF ds is at school, it's just me and baby til 12.45. It's only her I take to toddler group so would stay away. Then pick ds up from lunch club (could arrange for us to wait in the car and they bring to me). Ds just likes to chill when he gets back so it wouldn't be stopping anything. Then it's the other school pick up at 2.45 and again, if she had it I'd keep her in the car and ask a teacher to walk mindee to front door, not a big problem. We don't go anywhere after school as never have the time anyway. I'd already thought all this stuff through, it's just if she's really upset and needing lots of extra attention then I would send home. I know they won't be happy about it as they'll think it's our fault but I have to be consistant.

Sorry, to make clear, this has all been with every families agreement (I checked with everyone first). After school 3 yr old has already had it and apart from ds, baby is the only other I have on those days.

I would take a child with chicken pox as long as other mindees parents were fine about it and the child wasn't to unwell.
When my DD had it I found out that she was more poorly 2 days before the spots came out (was very grizzly but I wasn't sure why). But 1 of her friends had it really bad all inside of her mouth and down the throat so couldn't eat.

Hope your DS feels better soon.

Sorry looney only just caught this message. I've been clear from the start that I won't under any circumstances take a child if he/she has anything other than a cold. I think (and am also thinking of other things you've told me about this mum) that she IBU to ask you to care for her if she's ill. I personally think if you can fill the space easily then think about yourself and possibly find someone else who is a lot less demanding (that's the mum not the baby!)

Ive got a little boy due to start tomorrow, they came to see me and sign contracts last Tuesday. The mum phoned me that night, on going to bathe the LO, found he had chicken pox.

She phoned me straight away, to ask if I could still take him tomorrow, and was hugely relived, as it was her first day in new job, when I said yes.

But by then it would be day 6, and all but 1 of my mindees have had it a couple of months ago, and the other one, Mum would rather get it over and done with., cos as she said, her child will be in childcare all her pre school life, and the likelihood of her not getting it it slim.

So we are open as normal in the morning.

loonytunes - well done for telling her that - hurray for being lovely AND assertive! Meant to say earlier, you sound like a lovely cm (just like mine in fact - too easy to be taken advantage of.
Hope she takes the news well.

When my DS had chicken pox the mum of the child I was looking after continued to send him with the reasoning that he had already been exposed before the spots showed on DS. She was probably right as 2 weeks to the day both My DD and he had CP.
The mindee was at home for several days whilst ill and had a temperature, but a few days after that he was Ok and since I was in quarentine with DD anyway I had him back.
there was however, no expectation from either of us that I would look after him whilst he had the temperature and was grizzly and unwell.

Hope you get it sorted out with the parents OK

mumlove - interesting you say that, ds was really moody and tearful and I thought he must be coming down with a cold or something as he had no reason to be like that, then he got Chickenpox! I had the toddler of the sisters with a temp and very tearful last week so I'm wondering if this is already in their system? Not been told they have spots and just waiting for them to arrive so we'll see. I wouldn't have agreed to mix the children if it wasn't for everyone's agreement but as everyone is happy, it makes sense as the chances are (with the amount of close contact my ds has with them, lots of kisses and cuddles etc) they already have it. If any mindees get it and are too poorly, I WILL send home. It's about time I got a little more assertive!!!

StrawberryMartini - glad you've been upfront about illnesses etc. but you see, one day you'll get someone who'll conveniently forget all that. I've always told people about the illnesses thing and being sent home etc but once they start it's like they forget all that! I'm not sure if you are getting this parent confused with another? This is the lovely family but who I find hard work because of how very protective she is of her little one. Thing is, they've been coming for 5 months and I'm still having to regularly give email updates, text if not emailed her because she panics, I can't go to toddler group sometimes if she thinks too noisey or boisterous etc etc etc. I've done my email now but if she's not happy about her being sent home if she gets ill, then we will defo have a chat!

Shoshable - that's it, I'm happy to help if they want to mix, I just want to also make it clear that if they are really ill with it to the point I can't deal with the other children then they'll have to go home.

funnypeculiar - thanks, that's very nice of you to say that I just need to stick with being assertive face to face - now that IS hard!!

alison222 - thanks, this is the thing, the expectation of me continuing and ignoring the other kids, just because she pays me double. I really wish sometimes that I WASN'T paid double!!!

Well......toddler who was a nightmare last week and had a temp has arrived in the worst state ever Been calling for mummy since 9.05am when dropped off (don't worry, most of this message was typed when I was waiting for them ). Apparently she's been out of sorts last week from staying at grandma's etc. Atm she's just upset about mummy going and no sign of being ill, although I know something is causing her to be like this. Got her cuddled up atm and will see how it goes, poor love.

Right, thanks for all the posts, it really helps confirm that I am right in thinking I shouldn't feel bad and shouldn't take children when properly ill.

LT x

Update - mum has emailed saying not to feel bad, just an emotive subject etc. and that she even has a go at baby's dad when something happens in his care. She needs to sort this as the dad is amazing and helps so much! Anyway, feel better now. She did put she's not expecting baby to be too bad IF she gets it and that she's fine now. I'm going to email back and say glad she's ok etc etc but say that although I hope baby is fine, IF she ends up with temperature etc. then she'll have to go home. That's all I want, to make it all clear IN CASE this happens.

Thanks for all your support

well done! Fingers crossed baby is pox free
(How's your ds btw?)

Thanks, I hope she is pox free as otherwise all these concerns will come up again. Oh well, getting used to it.

Ds is being a little trooper, he really is. If I was going through what he's going through I'd be moaning all the time, after sympathy etc but no, he's getting on with it all as usual, just every now and then he gets all funny and shouts 'I'm really itchy' and it upsets him and then it passes very quick. He's liking his new look - wants to show everyone and I'm like , not everyone wants to see the lurgy Poor love is missing a trip with nursery today and is upset about it. Supposed to be fruit and veg picking and it's only the 2nd trip they've had so bit gutted. Anyway, considering he won't have pitaton and will no longer let me use calamine lotion, he's doing very well. Just sometimes hurts to swallow (got couple in his mouth and maybe down his pipe) and oh.....he gets a VERY itchy bottom at times and I have to get my finger in a flannel up his bottom to itch - the things we do for our kiddies eh!!!

Right, off to make another cuppa whilst I wait for the girls.......no sign of CP for them yet but some mad behaviour from the toddler so it COULD be on it's way.

Looney, that is rathre toooomi about the flannel glad your DS is coping well.

Yes, was rather tmi but i thought was funny Don't think he'll be telling his mates though

I think the baby is rather unlikely to get chickenpox as she is likely to still have the maternal antibodies acquired during pregnancy if only 7 months now. They may be a nice family but they do sound a bit nightmarish and uptight! LT you sound lovely and a very nice, realistic CM.

Good point, hopefully she won't get them. Then one day she'll probably get them and mum will be desperately wanting me to still have her

Seriously thought, the uptightness is becoming a problem so I'm going to start another thread and get some advice as she's going to eventually get things like.........bruises, it happens eventually when they start to toddler about etc. I can't cope with feeling to blame for every little thing that is just part of the phases they go through!