Help! Can someone tell me if other nannies do this??? Sorry its so long..

[Gidleigh]

A few weeks ago, I noticed a grocery bag with women's clothing from Debenems with the price tags attached and at the time I assumed my nanny was returning the items back to the store after work and didn't really think too much about it.

And this past weekend, I noticed an empty large Debenems shopping carrier in my coat closet. We have never shopped at Debenems and so the bag must have been brought in by the nanny.

The thing is I have never noticed her bringing in the shopping bag at the start of her day, which means she must have gone shopping for herself with my daughter. I can't 100% prove she did it but I can't think how the bag would have gotten there. And if she did take her to do her personal shopping when she was supposed to be looking after my daughter then I think its very unprofessional.

I often let her go early if I arrive home sooner than her contracted hours and feel betrayed that she would do personal things during the time when she is suppose to create a stimulating environment for my child. Do other nannies do this? and am I being too harsh?

Are you sure she didn't shop online?

you need to confirm what happened.

If she is taking your child shopping for herself then you need to tell her it is not allowed, she probably thinks it is OK.

tbh, I would be most upset at the deceit - what else happens that she does not tell you about?

I think it is tricky and there is a difference of expectations here

personally I would not want my child to experience constant activities that focus on them and constant adult attention - I don't think it is necessary or desirable

however other people feel differently

I think in most jobs one could find time during the working day to carry out one's own personal tasks like phoning friends, popping into shop at lunchtime etc, paying a bill. A nanny doesn't usually have a lunch hour so may sometimes need to do these jobs while looking after the children. Personally I don't think its a problem as long as you feel the children are happy and well cared for generally and that they like your nanny. I think you are making a big deal over the diary - presumably she uses it to report things she has done specifically for the children - I would assume my employer would not be interested in details of a personal shopping trip I needed to make. But I think you need to speak to her and clarify what you do and don't want to happen.

I don't think she shopped on line because it wouldn't come in a shopping bag. However, I'm not convinced that finding the bag in a coat closet constitutes evidence of deceit. It could just be a bag. Maybe a small child was putting it over his head and she stuck it in the closet to get it away from the child. Perhaps another child put it in the closet. My 2 and 4 year old both love to steal the shopping bags and go and put stuff in them.

BUT, I think the bottom line here is that the OP does not want her doing the shopping whilst at work. And that is OP's perogative. So nanny needs to be told that that isn't to happen in future. Then, if it continues, it should be a disciplinary issue.

people come on!!!!its a shopping trip!! its no big deal,as long as its not every day for hours on end,shopping trips can be made fun and educational.i know my employer would not mind as she believes the same as me,children need to experience different situations in order to develop.

I'd have no problem with my nannies doing this as long as it was infrequent and they told me about it - preferably before but if not then at the end of the day. They work a long day and I know that going into town at weekends can be ab absolute nightmare, most people get lunchtimes to do this sort of thing - nannies don't.

To me the issue is the potential deceit and the deliberate covering up of the fact. That's what I would ask her about - why didn't she tell you and why did she seem to try to conceal it? Depending on her answer you decide what to do about it.

I would have a HUGE problem with my nanny doing this and can't believe others wouldn't. Dragging a toddler around Debenhams while she is clothes shopping is not the same as going to the supermarket/ farmers market/ post office/ or even the petrol station. These are every day activities which are unavoidable and if you are clever can be made 'fun' and even have educational potential.

If my nanny HAS to go to an appointment/get a parking permit/take her car in to the garage or do some other tedious but unavoidable chore with my DS I would expect her to let me know in advance or if it was unexpected after the event ie that day.

I too work a long day/have no lunch hour/have even less time than the nanny does to myself at weekends (presumably she does not have kids Gidleigh?) yet do not see this as a reason to shop or have my legs waxed while I am supposed to be working!

Oh and I certainly don't take DS with me to the beautician or clothes shopping. Oh that's right I have actually not done either of those things in 2 years...

so you are telling me you would begrudge your nanny ONE shopping trip while on work time? is that not slightly unfair?!!!! do you never take your own child clothes shopping? or is that classed as acceptable?

Gettting back to the OP and her daughter whose welfare she is ultimately concerned with it seems to me:

1. She is unhappy with the nanny going clothes shopping whilst caring for her daughter

2. She has no idea whether it is a one off or a regular occurence

3. The nanny has been less than honest in not mentioning it if she HAS been clothes shopping

4. All of the above would ring alarm bells and I would say sit her down and have it out in a calm and reasoned way.

And yes taking my own child shopping would be acceptable although I don't do it because it would be no fun for either of us.
But if I was employed by someone to look after their child in a position of trust and responsibility then going shopping for myself and not checking that my employer and the mother of the child I am caring for is happy with it is not not not OK.

so you are telling me you would begrudge your nanny ONE shopping trip while on work time?

Yes, angipoo, if I employed a nanny I would. Because as a nanny I have NEVER taken my charges shopping for personal clothing. On the few unavoidable occasions that I have had to run errands in work hours then I have told my employer about it first. I have never done something and told my employer after because I take the view that there are very few things so important they have to be dealt with that same day.

I'm there to care for children, not to shop. I do that in my own free time - when I'm on holiday and at the weekend.

I think most of you are saying similar things which is most employers are somewhat flexible but if the activity involves doing personal errands like clothing shopping it should be discussed and okayed with the parents beforehand. And if the parents have an issue then its their perogative to say no.

I personal would have assumed that when you are employed to look after a toddler that such personal errands should not be done during working hours unless a dire emergency. In my view shopping for clothing is not an emergency.