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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Help! Can someone tell me if other nannies do this??? Sorry its so long..

38 replies

Gidleigh · 17/09/2007 13:20

A few weeks ago, I noticed a grocery bag with women's clothing from Debenems with the price tags attached and at the time I assumed my nanny was returning the items back to the store after work and didn't really think too much about it.

And this past weekend, I noticed an empty large Debenems shopping carrier in my coat closet. We have never shopped at Debenems and so the bag must have been brought in by the nanny.

The thing is I have never noticed her bringing in the shopping bag at the start of her day, which means she must have gone shopping for herself with my daughter. I can't 100% prove she did it but I can't think how the bag would have gotten there. And if she did take her to do her personal shopping when she was supposed to be looking after my daughter then I think its very unprofessional.

I often let her go early if I arrive home sooner than her contracted hours and feel betrayed that she would do personal things during the time when she is suppose to create a stimulating environment for my child. Do other nannies do this? and am I being too harsh?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ruddynorah · 17/09/2007 13:23

it's ok for her to take your dd shopping though surely? i assume she does other things with her as well. shopping is still an experience IYSWIM. though granted, i wouldn't like it every day. maybe ask your nanny what she has planned for the rest of the week? does she fill in a diary for you to see what they've been up to?

Original poster

Gidleigh · 17/09/2007 13:27

She does fill out a diary of activities but needless to say, the shopping trip was never mentioned. And whenever I ask what they have done its never surrounded anything but playdates and trips to the park.

OP posts:

Squiffy · 17/09/2007 13:28

Definately ask her about it because it isn't on. I don't take my DC's shopping with me and I wouldn't expect my nanny to do this ever. Tescos's for food for tea is one thing, this is entriely different...

justaphase · 17/09/2007 13:38

I would not mind so much if it was a one off but I would expect to be told.

NAB3 · 17/09/2007 13:41

I don't think it is too much of a problem that your Nanny appears to have taken your child shopping. As long as it wasn't for hours and that your DD didn't miss anything she should have been doing.

Little puzzled as to why the carrier ended up in your wardrobe. Is she allowed in your room?

Hamandcheese · 17/09/2007 13:55

I'd be cross - and I know my nanny is very disapproving of a fellow nanny who does this ("but she's at work, she can't drag the kids round town getting a new outfit for her").

A poster here a couple of weeks ago said she had a clause in their nanny contract that said 'only take children to things where their interests are the primary purpose of the visit' (or something similar, better worded).

I think that the uncertainty here (you suspect that she has, you haven't actually caught her in the act) is a difficulty.

Millarkie · 17/09/2007 13:59

I've not had a nanny take my children clothes-shopping (that I know of)- but they have been taken to supermarket/bakery etc and also taken along to pay bills (and ,I believe, taken to pay a parking fine for nanny's sister, if what ds tells me is correct).
I am relatively easy going as to what exactly happens during the day as previous nanny was working almost 8-6 so only had weekends (no lunch hours) to get domestic things done in..but each nanny/employer relationship should have some lines which shouldn't be crossed and it certainly seems that she may have crossed yours! I think you need to ask her directly if she has taken your dd to Debenhams or if she can explain about the clothes/bags, and then make it clear that you do not want dd to spend a lot of time in that sort of shop..or shopping in general if that is how you feel.

It would be interesting to get some nannys' views on this! There are a number of posters who are nannys, hope they'll be along soon.

My bugbear is nannys who take my children back to his/her family home without my prior knowledge. I thought it was just an annoying habit of nanny number 1, but my next nanny did it as well.

eleusis · 17/09/2007 14:06

To be perfectly honest, I couldn't care less if the nanny toook the DCs shopping so long as it wasn't an eight hour shopping trip that theere little legs couldn't cope with.

Everyone is different. Some people would mind. I don't. But then I don't pay them for bank holidays, so there's my mean employer trait.

omega2 · 17/09/2007 14:27

I've taken my charges shopping in the past and none of my employees have had a problem with it - but its not something i do everyday and it is good for the children to experience everything i believe

Original poster

Gidleigh · 17/09/2007 14:39

My problem with this situation is that it was to shop for her personal clothing. I would not mind if she went to the grocery to get emergency food items for herself or dd and certainly wouldn't mind if she thought my dd needed something. I have always made it clear that I wanted to her to focus her time in doing things which are both educational and fun for her. I guess I feel that her time working for me shouldn't include time for her to get a new oufit.

OP posts:

eleusis · 17/09/2007 14:46

I think your view is fine. Again, I wouldn't mind if it was my nanny. But, some people do mind, and you are obviously among them. She works for you and you are well within your rights to specify what activities they can and can't do. She probably doesn't realise she has done anything wrong. So, I wouldn't be too hard on her.

EricL · 17/09/2007 14:48

I never had a problem with our nannys taking them shopping. As long as they ask you first and it is not a regular occurance then it is fine.

We had a big discussion about his when we contracted them and said that we didn't mind the occasional 'selfish' trip (ie - doing something purely for yourself and not for the baby) as we would be doing the same thing if we were there during the day.

The trick is for them to realise that they do have a job to do and in most other jobs - being able to shop during the day whilst working would be a complete luxury.

What i would be worried about though is the fact that she is hiding this from you. You need a level of honesty between you if she is looking after your kids. What other kind of things may she also cover up? It is difficult to strike a balance between being approachable and honest, but also being their boss and employer.

Honesty is key - and i would be more worried about that than the fact that she has gone shopping.

eleusis · 17/09/2007 14:58

Why do you say she was hiding it? I didn't pick up on that.

Anna8888 · 17/09/2007 15:03

It's really no big deal for your children to accompany your nanny on a shopping trip for clothes for her once in a while. If you don't want it to happen again, tell the nanny, but don't give her a hard time about it. It's really not a crime.

Personally I think it's good (better, in fact) for children not to have adults devoted exclusively to their needs all day, and anyway shopping for clothes is a normal part of life and it's good for children to experience that.

One of my friends once told me that her children's nanny used to take the children (two little boys) along to the beautician's when she went for a wax. My friend had no problem with that because she was a great nanny (I can vouch for that - I was on holiday this summer with those two little boys and they are great children and really well brought up).

NannyL · 17/09/2007 17:36

I dont generally take the children shopping.

(would NEVER take them clothes shopping, i find it stressful enough by myself no way would i want to do it with a buggy and toddler in tow as well)

However i work in a small town, and my charges school is just round the corner from the main shops.

Its a smallish town with shops like Wilkinsons, waitrose, superdrug, boots, robert dyas, whsmith, argos etc.

If i just need to pick up something like milk etc for me i will often nip into town and do so, or a prescription from the chemist, a birthday card, hamster food etc.

Nothing too much, and not often, but its only a 5 min (max) detour on the walk home from school so i dont see the problem. My bosses know as i will get my milk out of their fridge or whatver as i leave!
More often than not i will be there running an errand / picking stuff up for them as well anyway!

JennaJ · 17/09/2007 18:53

As a young nanny I used to take the kids shopping + hairdressers, doctors. My families never had a problem with it..but I was always upfront and honest about it and never took the mick. I used to work from 7am-7pm without any break so I always assumed I could have a small of time ocassionally to do something for me even thought I was working.
As I only nanny one day a week now I NEVER do things for me while Im working...as there are other times I can do those things.

However as a mum- when my ds was small and we had a nanny it used to make me seethe that I was paying my nanny to drag my kids round the shops..ohh it used to make me cross!!

So I can see both sides of the argument.

I would carefully explain to her that you expect her to do things that are for the children at all times and that she must do her things, like shopping in her own time.

Jen

NannyL · 17/09/2007 19:37

In one of my old jobs where i worked 3 days a week occasionaly my boss would ask me to do an extra day...

on such occasions my little charge has come with me to dental check ups, and even to one of my friends afternoon house parties!
Basically i already had my plans sorted, was happy for my charge to come along with me so i didnt have to change my plans and mb was happy with that too.

bigshopper · 17/09/2007 20:43

Nothing wrong with them taking them shopping per se, it's only wrong if you don't want her to. You must tell her. If you don't tell her you don't want to then you can't expect her to know. If you have told her and she's done it anyway then you should give a warning or at least ask for an explanation.

margoandjerry · 17/09/2007 20:53

No I wouldn't really worry about this. I don't actually want my child to have to be in a stimulating environment all day, iyswim. Does that sound odd? Probably. But it just sounds a bit pressured.

My nanny has done the odd bit of clothes shopping since she's been here - I know because she's shown me what she's bought.

I wouldn't want 8 hours a day of being dragged round the shops but an hour now and again is fine.

Do you have an underlying concern that your nanny does not really care for your children properly?

Original poster

Gidleigh · 18/09/2007 09:06

I was concerned for two reasons. Firstly, I had instructed my nanny that my preference was to focus on activities which is educational and fun for her. And secondly, she has tried to hid the fact that she went shopping by hiding the bag and not writing it down in the daily diary. Perhaps she was embrassed but whilst she is employed she should follow the wishes of the parents and if she was in bind I would have prefered her to asked me first before going shopping for her clothes.

Thank you all for your helpful comments.

OP posts:

MatNanPlus · 18/09/2007 12:31

Millarkie,

That is a worry as if your being paid to care for a child, that child isn't provided for under standard home insurance in case of an accident!!

MatNanPlus · 18/09/2007 12:33

Gidleigh,

i would have a calm word with her re why she went and for how long.

blessingchild · 18/09/2007 13:38

I would definitely have a word with her and ask her about the Debenhams carrier back and if she went shopping, why did she not tell you nor record it in her diary. It is always good to have a open relationship with people that work for you because you never know what they do behind you except if you use a camera to watch them all the time they are working for you.

If I had a nanny, I would not have a problem with her taking my children out shopping but I would be upset if she tries to hide it from me.

Millarkie · 18/09/2007 13:46

Matnanplus - would the children be covered by the Micheal Morton nanny insurance though (which I bought for the nanny since she wouldn't spend money on it). Previous nanny took my children to her mum's, sat them on her sofa to watch cartoons whilst mum smoked in the same room! - not my nanny anymore (and I am dreading the day someone rings asking me for a reference for her).

Sorry for thread hijack Gidleigh

frannikin · 18/09/2007 21:44

My Morton Michel insurance covers children in my care regardless of whether they're home or not - otherwise we'd never get out the house and forget ever going to the park!

On a completely separate note I think it's dreadful your nanny wouldn't spend money on insurance!

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