Wedding, no grandparents to help

[Susanna85]

Following another thread I had on AIBU where one of my children (6) has been invited and the other (1) hasn't..
people mostly replied that is wasn't a big deal, just get a babysitter for the younger child, or both. And enjoy the wedding child free.

But - where does this childcare come from if you don't have your parents, DC's GP around to help. We don't have very many close friends, have never asked any friends, to babysit let alone asking for a whole day.
So where do you find someone willing & trustworthy to babysit for a full day approx 10am - 1am (or even over night).

And, do children just adjust to being looked after like this? If they are not usually looked after by others.

I think that's too long at 1 with someone who she doesn't know. Think you or dp needs to stay home with her, or speak to your friend

Use sitters.co.uk or look on childcare.co.uk - there are lots of childminders on there who also do babysitting and are used to babies.

He/she will cry when you leave them, but someone who is experienced will be used to dealing with it. We've left all of ours at some point as my mother in law wasn't capable of looking after the children and when my 3 were little my father was too ill for my mum to help either.

I wouldn't want either my own or someone else's 1 year old at a wedding either.

I don't think that you stay put so late or overnight!

If you have a friend that's great, if you have family far away could they make a special weekend trip to you or you take children to them?

Depends how much you want to go!

We don't have anyone from family to have our child, and though we've always had babysitters that is a very different thing to a full day/evening/night (and a very different cost!). So if ds wasn't invited, only one of us went to things, or no one went.
He's 13 now, and a lovely neighbour 'babysits' for us and will take him out for the day for a very reasonable cost, but we still wouldn't do an overnight for an event. His friends don't do sleepovers, so no option for that either

I'd decline the invite personally.
Weddings are supposed to be enjoyable and if it was going to cause me a headache sorting childcare because only one child was invited I wouldn't bother going.

Unfortunately no, we don't have any family that would be able to help.
Ok I will look at those websites but also considering declining the invite (awkward because the bride was a very close friend and substituted family for me growing up)

It's 2 hours away. I could leave earlier to be back home earlier.

I wouldn't go and to be honest, if you know the bride that well she ought to know that you don't have family on tap to babysit. We don't have ready to hand grandparents either op so we miss out on things or go separately. We've never used babysitters and I certainly wouldn't be leaving very young children with total strangers I'd found on a website.

She might be a close friend OP but she's Also the one who has put you in such an awkward position and will know your situation.
Weddings unfortunately bring out the side of people who forget about friends and their circumstances.

Yes I think maybe if 1 year old will struggle look at one or both of you going for a shorter day, maybe just the ceremony or just the meal/speeches, I know it's a long way to go to not stay for the whole event but if its a very close friend I would. Is there any way e.g. that you and DH could travel up together, and then he leaves early (perhaps getting a train home?) to get back for the children and you then stay for the whole thing for your friend and come back late or the next day?

Also if you are worried about leaving the baby with a stranger, and if finances allow, could you do a trial run, get the sitter to come for a few hours only one afternoon (after lockdown of course!) you and DH can have a date or do errands or whatever close by, then you have the reassurance the children are fine and the sitter trustworthy before you go further afield?

As I say I wouldn't go to these convoluted arrangements for an acquaintance or distant relative and would just decline if the circumstances didn't work for me, but for me the wedding of a best friend, someone close enough to be a sister is pretty much a once in a lifetime (or certainly once a decade!) thing so I'd do everything I possibly could to be there...

Any contacts via your older child’s school?

Or thinking about it (sorry if this was covered on your other thread) could your DH/DP not just stay at home to look after the children and you go alone?

One of you goes, the other one stays home.

If you're not breastfeeding, just go on your own (or with your older child). If you are bfing could your DH come and have a day out nearby so he can bring the baby to you if they want feeding? Although they'll probably be able to go without by that age.

I think if you want to go then your DH would need to stay home; I wouldn’t leave them with someone they don’t know well and it seems a long time to ask a friend to look after them

Local nursery staff sometimes do baby sitting. Could call a local on or ask parents at DC school if the parents know of anyone

If it were me I'd just leave dh at home with the one year old, is sibyl the 6 year old too.

*possibly

We dont have GP nearby but for a very special occasion they would come and stay for the weekend/week and work the childcare into spending time with us. They also like the one on one time with DD. Same with aunts/uncles. If this isn't an option does the 1yo go to nursery/childminder and have a someone from there who can be paid to do this for the day. Who would you normally ask if you want to spend time away from your DC? Can your DP not go to the wedding and look after the kids and you go yourself?

If none of these are an option then you've kind of backed yourself into a corner here and will have to decline.

who usually babysits for you when you go out? cant they do it ( maybe with the help of their friend or parent?

Find a baby sitter, have 'play dates' with you in attendance leading up to the day

I just wouldn’t go , your earlier post summed it up ‘ the bride was a very close friend’ , which to me implies she is not a very close friend now so why bother causing yourself a headache about what to do with the baby .

Sorry if this is dim but why can’t you go and DH stay home with the kids?

I'd just decline. When people don't invite children they have to accept that sometimes the parents won't be able to come.

Decline.

People who stipulate child free weddings must accept this.

Sorry if this is dim but why can’t you go and DH stay home with the kids?

It is an option. But I can't say I want to attend a wedding alone very much. And travelling there and back alone etc.. but of course I could if that's what it comes to.

Additionally, when we've had the occasional wedding invite from his side (again 'no kids') he's never just left me holding the kids and gone. Partly because they weren't invites from particularly close friends so declining wasn't a hard decision.