Host mom making accusations

[Aupair2020]

I am an Au pair in Germany. At home there are 4 kids (7y, TWINS 17 months, newborn 2 months).
My main job is with the twins.
When I arrived here host mom said that the bottle time was meant to be silent and no funny things since they should concentrate on drinking and don't choke.
Two weeks ago she got angry at me one morning because I was quiet in the room with them when I was meant to read a book. Said that the routine changed but she never informed me of that.
On Tuesday, she asked me if I could stay with the twins so she could go to hairdresser with the newborn. The timing she scheduled was while the twins would be sleeping. A routine that she follows strictly. But when I arrived home they were awake because they "accidentally" felt asleep when they went for a walk.
I felt like she made on purpose.
On wednesday, she went out with 7y and newborn. Said would be one hour. I was out with the twins in the garden playing. She took two hours to come home. And for coincidence she arrived on the minute that I had put them in the cot so I could run to the toilet.
She asked everything we had done and I told her. She said that the house was not messy enough for the 15 min that we were inside after coming from the garden. Accused me of lying about what we did and accused me of leaving the twins in the cot for the whole time she was out.
She also complains that I spend my free time at home in my room. Said to the 7y that I am like a ghost (he said it to me).
Now she is forcing me to go on holidays because she wants to changes things at home related to the twins routine.
I am feeling really bad with the accusations. Have been working for her for 6 months and I think she could know me very well.
I feel I want to ask for rematch but I know it will bring huge problems between me and her. But I love the kids and would like to stay for them.

It sounds very difficult and she sounds very controlling. I would suggest asking for a rematch in your shoes. She won't change.

Life is too short to be miserable.

Some more informations about her

• I once saw the 7y kissing the newborn' mouth, so I said to her. (I was taught that kissing baby's mouth is extremely dangerous since they can get very ill) . She got mad and said that this is not my concern because they are brothers and kissing is bounding.

• the twins go over the newborn and hit her. put the finger in her eyes. Lay on top of her. (They weight 13 and 15 kg). I know they are very small to understand but mom allows it because,again, they are brothers and they are bounding. I just think it's too dangerous and I really can't stay nearby when they do such things.

• her sisters and her mom no longer talk with her because they all have problems on how she educates the children. And because she also found problems to be angry at when her sisters or her mom look after the children.

• I worked one day in a nursery. Got home and talked about my day. She insisted with me that I was lying that the kids sit and concentrate to make an activit. Because her son never does this and kids on his age only wants to run and play.

-I can't be 5 minutes quiet. I must be always talking something. Because the twins are in a very important age to learn so I must say every single step, say the name of everything I touch. Doesn't matter what I tell them or in which language, I must speak all the time.

I think it's time to move on. You don't sound like a good match for this family. We have a nanny and if never treat her the way you're being treated. I would give notice and look for another placement if I were you.

Let the agency know what she is doing

I know that you are fond of the children but that is almost always going to be the case.

Please don't feel you need to stay because of the children. This sounds like a really awkward situation and you are better off leaving as I don't think it will improve

Time to move on, she's only going to get worse

@GrumpyHoonMain unfortunately to com to Germany you don't need an agency. It is all between me and the family. So I have no protection here. Risking to be kicked out of the house when I ask rematch or two weeks notice (as in contract) that may be really torturing since she will be angry that I asked rematch

Aupair2020 there's lockdown in Germany and hairdressers are shut. Where is she going out to with the 7 year old?

Where are you from originally? Are you Eu? You can't be made to go on holiday because of the lockdown. It will also be very hard to change placement until after easter.

Who are you asking for a rematch if you are not using an agency?

@anothernotherone the hairdresser is her friend so they made an arrangement. She went out with him to visit her friend who just moved to the neighborhood.
I am from Brazil. Yes, I know. But she insists I must go home for one month now. Or go stay with a friend in London. She said that after Monday I am on holiday but I can't stay here.
The rematch is asked to the family. I give my notice of two weeks and have this period to find another family.

why dont you just go home.
dont you want to be with your own family at this difficult time of great uncertainty.
if you were my daughter, or anyone whom i cared about, i would say come home.

Aupair2020 there are travel restrictions in place for non eu citizens - if you leave the EU, or indeed just the country, you probably won't get back in for some time. Mind you there are fewer covid cases in Brazil ... Will Brazil even let you back in from tje EU?

I'm not sure if this has been lost in translation but how are you expecting to find a new family?

Its highly unlikely anyone would take an Aupair on at the moment.

You'd be better off just going home until the summer I suspect, if travel is possible.

@alexdgr8 I wanted to. But her husband is still working and she said would need someone to be here. I wanted to go beginning of April before everything starts, she said would be better if I go in summer when the husband can take holidays.
There are no flights I can get, it's way too expensive.

never mind what she says or what suits her.
you need to look out for your own interests.
would not your family club together to get the money for your fare home. you could pay it back gradually as you are able in the future.
please leave this woman now. try to get home.
what about your embassy, could they help.

Brazil has way more cases than officially announced since they are not making any tests unless the person is in hospital. Also, you not counted as a suspect unless you have a fever (which was said already that not everyone has every symptom).
Loads of people dying there of respiratory insufficiency but not counted as Corona. Informations from friends working in hospitals.
Brazil's president also said to people do not go on quarantine. They must work for the economy. Things are expected to be really bad there.
The flights are way too expensive now and they give priority for people who had bought but the flight was cancelled.

Yes, the fact of finding a family now is hard. But I have a Voluntary Social Year starting in August here, so I wanted to stay.

Aupair2020 in that case try contacting whoever you are doing your FSJ with and see if they need you now - if it's a big institution they may be desperate for help and be able to provide accommodation.

Unfortunately, it might be hard to get away in Europe during these times. If I were you I’d get away from Europe as soon as finances allow. You won’t be able to get to London because the boarder is closed so she can’t send you there. It’s unlikely she’d get a new nanny soon either. It seems like no nanny will be good enough for her. If you can then I’d try and stay until the summer, if you’re desperate then you could offer to work for free to have somewhere to stay, if she agrees (I know that’s not ideal and you deserve much better).

After all this find yourself a kinder mother to help. You sound lovely by the way x

@anothernotherone my FSJ is in a Montessori nursery. They are close for now.
But I am trying to see if I may be able to find another FSJ.
Thank you for the support

@Angharad07 due the situation I think I can not get anywhere right now. Maybe in 2-3 weeks the world situation has another look. As I tried to explained to her, by she insists on next Monday.
Yes, I think it will be hard for her to find another childcare option that suits her. The fact of having 3 babies under 18 months os hard for her. She spends too much time with newborn and expects someone to be exactly like her for the twins so they don't lose anything. I try my best to be an example for them. The kids love me. The father also doesn't see any problem with me.
She stayed in hospital for one week and she trusted the twins 24/7 with me. I don't understand the problem now.
I am 20 years old. Worked in a school. Worked in a Camp during holidays. Was an Au Pair in London taking care of a baby since day one until he was 11 months. Made plenty of babysitting.
Now have a position to work in a nursery after summer holidays.
I love kids and would never do the things she accused me of.
Thank you for your supporting words

To update you all

They fired me today because they don't want the responsibility of "taking care" of me amid Corona

I'm so sorry @Aupair2020! That's so wrong of them, I can't believe they are letting you go in a time like this. As your hostfamily, they have a responsibility to make sure that you are safe. I have been an Au Pair and I can't imagine being in your position. Do you have anywhere to go?

@msholiday I posted in the Au Pair group of Brazilians in Germany what happened to me and a girl offered me a couch for a few days. I am trying to find a new family asap or try a flight to Brazil.

Charlierocks111 Its possible you could find a volunteer role in a care home with accommodation and meals. You could contact Caritas, Lebenshilfe etc. in your area.

@Aupair2020 I really feel for you! Their behaviour has been awful. I hope everything works out for you. Could you please update us with how everything goes for you?