Au Pair Food Budget

[thanksforanyhelp]

Hello- my au pair has a large appetite and is always hungry. It is becoming an issue because no matter how much I buy it's always gone and I don't have the items I require for my child. She also has a habit of rushing my child through their meal so she can eat what is left or picking from their plate and that has really annoyed and upset me. I think that is taking help yourself a bit too far and some change is needed. I don't want to be constantly saying you can't have this and can't have that as it makes me feel mean so I am thinking of giving her a food budget to manage and her own shelves etc. What would be the appropriate budget?

Did you explain that what you buy needs to last a week/ several days? And that if she eats all in one go, then she needs to buy more by herself?

I haven't no, but given that she is always starving and cannot wait to eat I'm not sure she can resist. If I give her an agreed budget and she can't manage within that then naturally she needs to pop out and supplement it. That's why I want to make sure I set the budget correctly to start with- fair but not excessive x

£40 a week depends where you live.

Are you expecting her to eat separately, or to supplement her meals from this budget? I would suggest the latter. I was a very hungry late-teen due to a late growth spurt and would often top up on weetabix etc. I would say £15 to buy top up food with a suggestion that she spends it on cereal and fruit rather than junk food. And get in extra milk.

What are the meals each week? How much food does she have available? Does she eat all meals with you? Does she exercise loads? Do you think she has food issues and is bingeing? Have you mentioned food to her or your DS’s meals at all?

It’s really hard to say if you’re being unreasonable if there’s so much info missing.

The rushing your child / eating off their plate thing is really not on. I could not stand that and I’d be telling her right now that it has to stop.

Eating off their plate? that crosses a line straight away and needs to be said about now.
Does she have some sort of condition? Why is she always so hungry and eating scraps off peoples plates

Hi- at the moment I cook her dinners in the weekdays and make sure there are easy options for her like pizza, pasta and ready meals and heavier items for breakfast like bagels and eggs. She is not a good cook herself and loves my cooking and eats heartily with us. I am very confident I am reasonable. She has plenty of food available- but I am shopping every couple of days and it is expensive. There is nothing wrong with her- she just happens to have a very big appetite and loves food and finds any food around hard to resist. She has two breakfasts, lunch, and dinner- she is still starving by the afternoon so this is where the eating my child's food has come in. I think sometimes she doesn't even realise she is doing it, sometimes she does. I felt very awkward and didn't know what to say as I was a bit shocked- maybe she needs to have a snack but away from my child as it will be hard to get my daughter to have a nutritious dinner if she is eating other things nearby.
But as I say all this is expensive (I have not counted how much as I just do all our shopping together and did not expect it to be such an issue) and I would like to know how much one should expect to spend on au pairs food for context. Thank you Jade and Teapotter.

We drastically increased the amount we buy and cook with our current au pair. She always has seconds and hoovers up any left overs the next day. It's annoying but some people, especially young people, eat a lot, and some people don't eat that much and may be surprised by other people's appetites. She does sound rude, so you may have to say something about not rushing your child to eat and not picking off their plate. But maybe you should ask if there is any food that she would like that she is used to - maybe she needs more carbs or protein than you usually have with a meal?

Teapotter- I wish she would have wheatabix but it's usually a large amount of nice cheese on some toast or half a pot of philly! I also have the problem that my daughter then wants these things instead of her dinner so cost is not the only problem.

Ah - we posted at the same time! We are a family of four and our food costs probably went up by about 15%. At first it was a bit more but we said we were going to stop buying empty calorie things that we didn't usually have in the house like orange juice - we are happy to buy whole fruits instead.

I've seen a thread before on MN which discussed similar topic.
It turned out that the mother was herself very restrictive with how much she ate and she expected a 19 year old to eat the same as her - i.e. 800-900 calories.
Unless we know what are the portions that you are offering it is impossible to judge.
If she has 2 or 3 slices of toast with half of 170 g of Philadelphia that isn't a lot for a young person. And I bet you are exaggerating that every time she has some soft cheese that half of that pot goes.

It is up to you to stock up once a week and not every 2 days!

What are your meal portions like OP?

I wondered re the above as well. How many calories does the OP eat? I went to stay with a close friend for a week, and was constantly hungry. My friend cooked for me most nights. Very very small portions, no snacks, so literally the only food was the main meal. At home we probably have much larger portions.
Turns out my friend has some eating issues...

Half a pack of Philadelphia is only 200 calories so eating half a pack and a couple of slices of toast is a snack for a young, healthy adult like my daughter (but is lunch for me)

Buy lots of bread/eggs/Philadelphia type cheeses - the own brand of philly is under a quid a pot.

Start a shelf in the fridge that she can eat freely from - but she must leave the other shelves.

When feeding her dinner give her an extra large baked potato always

Thank you all. I won't reply to all the individual messages but there is absolutely no question of a restricted calorie diet- pls do not worry. We all eat well and I'm known to be a cook and a feeder. She told me herself when she arrived that she loves food and is known for eating a lot and I now see what she means and it has surprised even me! I simply wanted to know what the right sort of number is- £50, £100, more than that but it does not seem that simple. I'm sure we will eventually find equilibrium and I will simply ask her to please not eat my child's food in the meantime. Thanks again

Our au pair cooks for herself most evening as she has a separate flat. Although she eats an evening meal with us one night a week.
Our current one has a big appetite and she gets through about £50/week. (She buy food from Sainsbury's with a pre-paid card that I top up).
When we had an au pair living in the house, I'd had both a "star" system - so stuff that was for evening meals would have a black star in a Sharpie on the top and couldn't be eaten and a snack shelf.
It also worked well to ask them to add to a shopping list anything they'd finished, so I knew it had run out.

Some families have come to us in the past preferring that the au pair receives a food budget and gets her own food, whilst leaving the familes food. The budget currently being offered is about £40 per week. Maybe you can change to this system?
I would also suggest that you explain to her that you don't want your child rushing through their meals. If necessary they can get up 10 minutes earlier.

@MarkHAPA But if they're living in the house with you, that's very anti-social. You're hosting an au pair not employing them.

Remember you need to eat with them sometimes too to fulfil the terms for HMRC for them to be an au pair.

Could you suggest that any leftover from your childs plate are kept in the fridge for another meal and not picked at by her? Are you sure she doesn't have a thyroid issue or diabetes? Have you asked? I know its embarrassing, but could you ask if there there is someone she eats at home that fills her up? What do you mean by 2 breakfasts? A bowl of porridge oats is low GI and far more filling that a bagel which is high in sugar! Really now sure on a budget for her, but I'd be getting her to cook more meals to improve her skills!

Another thought, could you slip a worming tablet in her food and see if that makes a difference

If she is eating the child’s food wouldn’t it be better she/ you make enough for 2 plates and she can have it as a light snack. I think it’s beneficial for children to see other people eating the same thing - rather than eating alone. If it’s the same then the child can’t complain either. Then if she’s still hungry later she can eat dinner when the child is in bed.

Thank you all- especially Mark for the agency budget guidance. Things seemed to have moderated a bit on their own- she started to put on weight which she did not want and I think has also recognised that there is always plenty of nice food so no need to rush through it all!

Perhaps she is not used to having this nice food and was excited to eat it? Our fridge is always stocked full of fruits, veggies, cheeses, potatoes etc. Pantry has loads of cereal, pasta and rice. The au pair eats with us sometimes or makes her own food. I always ask if she wants me to buy anything special for her. I don’t pay attention to costs. We just buy as needed. Past au pairs didn’t eat as much, but they tended to go out to eat more and buy more ready made foods etc. Or eat more simple foods. I think everyone is different. So you can’t compare to other au pair eating habits. Some eat more and some less. Some go out and eat out more. Some want to save money so will never eat out and eat all meals home. Some might come from poor background and not be used to simple luxuries like expensive cheese etc.