What is stopping you from getting a Nanny?

[Scarletbailey5]

Hi all, I am a new mum to my third with a significant gap from my first! I have been researching child care, and from all studies to do with connection, attachment and raising other people’s children, a nanny seems the ideal option - a sort of stand in us?

My friends and family haven’t been too keen on this, some of them think it’s unnecessary and that my child would be fine in a local crèche.

Have you got a nanny? Would you have one? If you want one but dont have one, what are your reasons for not having one?

Love some thoughts...

Thanks x

Money and not wanting another non family member living in my house. I also want to be the one to teach my kids things. My friend who had a live in nanny is convinced her kids just figured out how to use a fork and knife, that the oldest taught the others how to use the toilet etc. It was the nanny! Also it would break my heart to have my child fall and then cry for the nanny not me...
My kids went to all day day care when I worked and I'm sure they picked up alot from the other kids (they sure figured out how mobile phones worked from the carers) but I felt their primary connection was me.

I had a Nanny for 3 years out of necessity. It was cheaper for me with 2 young children, but also childminders couldn't cover the hours I needed - 7am-8.30pm (twice a week).

The day I got a new role with different hours was the best day of my life quite honestly! Having a Nanny was just awful for me. I hated so much about it.

I hated having someone else in my home - my safe place. The damage they inflict because it isn't their stuff, so they don't really care if they don't take care of it. The lack of care of keeping items together (ie. The kids toys never put back in sets). The stuff just left lying about for me to put away after my own long day in work. Not thinking ahead and prepping book bags ahead or washing dirty coats etc. Using food I'd planned for meals during the week, when I had left instructions on what was to be cooked. Every morning I'd not be able to find something because she hadn't put it back in it's correct place when used previously. Not doing homework or reading with the kids because "they didn't want to" (and? They have to read, so fucking work out how to persuade them to do it just like I do!).

Never being able to address these issues head on for fear that I am leaving them in my home with my children, and trusting that they won't take their annoyance at being pulled up on my children or my home.

Always having to think ahead to make sure the house was clean and tidy, with all the food she would need in, and everything organised for her. Can't go to bed and leave the dishes for tomorrow!

I could go on and on with all the things I hated. The only way some of these things wouldn't have bothered me was if I was well off. I wasn't. The rest would have annoyed me no matter what.

(I had more than 1 Nanny btw).

My favourite moment was when one nanny left her used tampon applicator on the window ledge in my bathroom....

Just no.

Gosh, the nanny we had was nothing like that. She'd cheerfully do household chores if DD was napping... she had abundant common sense, a good work ethic, and was very patient and kind. Maybe we were exceptionally lucky.

Crikey, the mean comments about nannies here are appaling.
Yes I'm a nanny, and I don't care that I'm blowing my own trumpet but it is incredibly hurtful to read people downgrading my careers and speaking so badly.

I don't want to quote specific posters so I will generalise my points.

1. I am ofsted registered, I have insurance, first aid, and an up to date DBS. I keep on top of my own learning as my career is important to me and I want to remain professional and up to date with everything.
2. I know of 2 nurseries in my city alone that have been closed recently due to abuse. I'm not saying this to scare people, but it is horrible being branded with 'nannies can abuse' if you're that concerned, get a camera. But make sure you inform them.
3. I always keep on top of washing up, putting toys away, washing clothes, helping to pack bags, school reading, packed lunches, etc.. but ultimately the most important thing is that the children are happy, well fed, and being stimulated in a way that interests them and improves their learning. I am lucky and work for incredible families who understand that sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day to put the odd toy away (I finish at 5:30) but they know that I am busy.
4. As for the EYFS, some parents find this important. But in my opinion, I am teaching the children everything that is on the EYFS but I just don't label it. None of the parents i work for (most of them teachers!) care about the EYFS because children have year of school being trained to meet 'targets'

I believe in a child led journey in toddler hood and children learn at their own pace. I do mostly nanny shares so the children are always socialising. But socialising doesn't have to be in a nursery, the children I look after spend lots of times at parks, museums, swimming, farms, buying bread and milk from the shops and much more. All of these experiences allow them to socialise. There are always children at parks and museums, there are adults serving us in shops.

Nannies aren't for everyone and there is nothing wrong with nurseries at all. But it is hurtful to hear so many people talking negatively about us. It generalised and it plain mean. We are humans with feelings.
All childcare have their positives and negatives.

No one is being mean. People are sharing their opinions on what they want from their child care and why they opted for what they did.

We've got one. Works brilliantly. Organising tax etc is a PITA though!

Another women in house alone with my husband on a regular basis

The damage they inflict because it isn't their stuff, so they don't really care if they don't take care of it

Actually I do think this is quite mean.

I, and all other nannies I know would never damage other people's property. Saying we don't care is ridiculous.

And I'm sorry but I also hate that nannies are generalised as people who are suddenly going to have an affair with the husbands.

1. It is downgrading.
2. We are professional.
3. I am actively against cheating.

If your husband is going to have an affair then there is more chance that it will be with someone from work/ a ransome than your nanny. Please don't shout these things about.

CyberLibre you are taking this post personally, it is not meant that way.

My comments about OFSTED and EYFS are made on MY research and exchanges with nannies when I was looking for childcare for my daughter. They told me these things. Just because YOU are OFSTED registered doesn’t mean others in your progression are or have to be - I was in fact told by a nanny that the key differences between a childminder and a nanny is that childminders work from their own setting and are OFSTED registered and this isn’t the same for nannies.

It is great how much passion and professionalism you have for being a nanny, but you need to also accept that other nannies do not hold themselves to such high standards.

Regarding the comments by someone who had multiple nannies - she is clearly speaking directly from experience, she’s not reviewing you - again, you’re taking it really personally.

What seems to be the summary is that a good nanny is hard to find - but they do exist. Will you agree to that?

I’ve worked as a nanny before and as a parent myself I can see it from both angles.
My DH wants a childminder but I prefer the idea of nursery purely because of the safeguarding aspect; at someone’s house anyone could walk in to visit. Not so at nursery. Also rather have more than one staff member obviously for safeguarding reasons and in case of staff sickness.

So a nanny I wouldn’t necessarily want. Some families it works out great for. Especially those whose children do lots of after school activities and need a dedicated organised person to get them to and from etc. BUT I would find it hard having a stranger in my house and leaving them and only then in sole charge of my kids. When the kids are older I think it’s better but still, you don’t really know the person. It’s great if you can find a good nanny but from some experiences, not just on this thread, sadly they seem few and far between. If I was a millionaire I’d have a Norland one! Maybe..

I had a nanny for 18 months because I have 4 children and it was much cheaper than nursery and my eldest was doing half days at school, so logistically it was a nightmare. It was brilliant at the beginning, and I used a nanny tax organisation so that was easy.

But gradually she became less and less reliable, constantly called in sick, and I can't prove it was him, but towards the end of her employment with us, she had a dodgy boyfriend who stole some money and jewellery.

She left and went to someone else. The new employer called me for references and I was honest about the time she had had off for illness, but didn't mention the missing money because I couldn't be 100%sure. About 3 months later, the new employer called me and asked if anything had ever gone missing because they had had some things stolen.

There are excellent, highly trained, ofsted registered, honest and brilliant nannies out there. But they are like gold dust! I ended up resigning my profession and staying at home because finding someone I could trust after that was impossible....

Please remember to keep your fears in perspective injuries accidents and abuse can happen anywhere but most happens in the childs own home and most abuse is by family or friends trusted by the parents. The notion that their is safety in numbers is also false as the most abuse in childcare is in nursery where junior staff have kept quiet for fear of losing their jobs.....but risk in all settings is small.