What is stopping you from getting a Nanny?

[Scarletbailey5]

Hi all, I am a new mum to my third with a significant gap from my first! I have been researching child care, and from all studies to do with connection, attachment and raising other people’s children, a nanny seems the ideal option - a sort of stand in us?

My friends and family haven’t been too keen on this, some of them think it’s unnecessary and that my child would be fine in a local crèche.

Have you got a nanny? Would you have one? If you want one but dont have one, what are your reasons for not having one?

Love some thoughts...

Thanks x

I guess cost is the obvious main issue. Nannies aren't cheap!

If you want one but dont have one, what are your reasons for not having one?

I can’t afford it

Money.

Safety issues; no one there to supervise safety or prevent abuse, whereas nurseries have more safeguards in place (although obviously nothing is ever guaranteed!).

Money. A nanny would be great. No having to get the kids out of the house. Flexible hours and no rushing to get to nursery before closing. Couldn’t afford it though!

Money!!!

Surely cost for most people!

Obviously cost. But you knew that!

Cost, and I don't want to be an employer and responsible for payroll, tax deductions, maternity pay, holiday, sick leave and all that kind of thing!

I am not really sure about nannies.

Putting aside the cost, which is obviously a major factor!

They aren’t OFSTED registered and don’t follow the EYFS the same way that childminders and nurseries do, so they could be not really stimulating your child throughout their care. I have never liked the idea of being dependent on just one person for childcare, if she goes sick or any other unplanned absence you’re a bit stuffed. Also, in terms of child safety I just feel happier with my child in a nursery setting.

Without a doubt, safety.

I've worked in various nurseries and all had strict safeguarding measures in place. Obviously you hope no caregiver would harm a child but in all nurseries I experienced, it really would've been impossible for someone to harm a child, parent or staff. A nanny has a lot of opportunity to harm a child if they chose to. In no way am I saying a nanny would harm your child but it's a chance I wouldn't take. Same as there's only 3 adults in the world I'd trust with my DS alone that aren't me.

Money. And I can't cope with someone else's sickness/holidays, which is why we used nursery.

Actually, had it been a more realistic option, I would have found it really stressful picking the right person and knowing I wasn't inadvertently leaving my toddler with an axe murderer.

Money.

One of my close friends is a brilliant nanny. If I could afford her, I’d have her. Sadly there is no chance. Full time nursery is only £44.50 a day for me (pre tax free childcare). A nanny is far more than that!

Money!!

Yeah cost and not really knowing how to negotiate that kind of arrangement eg tax etc. If I could have afforded it and been more confident, I'd have done it. Much more convenient and everything centered around the children. I did actually consider it when I had two in childcare all day three days a week plus one in after school and it might have worked out similar cost wise but the legalities and practicalities were daunting and there were childcare providers nearby who were already set up so it was less mental work. Also it would have needed to be a nanny share which would have been a ballache to arrange. I think possibly if you've got two kids and need full-time care and definitely if you've got three and need anything close to full-time care it's absolutely worth considering.

My DD had a nanny because I had a job I loved and I work from home, and DH and I were on decent salaries. It would have been really weird to take DD out to a nursery and come back to just the dog. We found someone lovely, it worked brilliantly for us.

Money, not wanting to be an employer, worry about how to cover sick days etc, and most importantly a desire to give DS a different experience to what he would have with me at home. He was always going to be an only child, so I valued the social set-up of nursery. I only worked three days a week so it seemed like a good balance.

Because I don't trust a single unsupervised, unregulated person to look after my child. I see it's safely in numbers.

(i) cost makes it unrealistic for most
(ii) nanny would need holiday and would occasionally require sick leave etc with no cover causing major disruption. nursery will have that covered.
(iii) huge risk putting all eggs in one basket that a nanny will work out well when statistically speaking some will turn out rotten and it's so hard to judge from any normal recruitment process.
(iv) by the time maternity leave ends you don't have a little cuddly baby who just wants mum, you have a dynamo charged chaos machine who needs to get inside everything and pull it to pieces. a dedicated child-safe venue like a nursery is a much more sensible containment facility for this than a family home. (obviously still some time at home but hopefully having had enough time running riot at nursery that home hours are less manic.)

Cost

Another woman mothering my children

Another women in house alone with my husband on a regular basis

The need I would have to have a tidy house!

Cost, but also not wanting to be an employer and dealing with all of that side of things.

Cost and the interaction with other children. DD is at a childminder and although nannies might take kids to toddlers groups etc they dont build relationships in the same way they do with other children they see all day multiple days a week.

We've had nannies for some time and generally it's been great - the kids and we have got on really well with them, super convenient.

The two downsides (apart from cost!) have been (1) if it's not working, it's horrible leaving your child with someone you're unsure about - happened just once but was awful, hopefully never again and (2) our kids love socialising, so we've ended up sending them to nursery while still paying the nanny which is even more £££.

We've done a couple of nanny shares and they've been the best: just as convenient, cheaper and the kids have enjoyed each other's company.

I think children like being around other children. My youngest is 2 and longing for nursery. He loves being in activities with other kids. My eldest was the same.

My friend's nanny said she should put her son in nursery when he turned 2 because he needed a more social environment by then.