help! Reassure me - will new nanny be OK?

[jujumaman]

Writing this with new nanny as of two days ago has "lunch" with dd1 downstairs. She's replaced a nanny who was with dd1 from 12 weeks to 2 1/2, whom we all adored, who sadly had to leave suddenly because her father was ill. New nanny is very sweet person, with some experience (but not as much as old nanny) and is clearly thrown by getting her head round our house, our routines, a very bolshy toddler at height of terrible twos who is rude to her at every opportunity (she was an angel with the old nanny, but this is the current phase) and a three month baby who is still not in a proper routine. This morning she took them to the park but there was much crying from dd1 as she put her in the "wrong" coat and then they returned with dd2 hysterical because she hadn't taken out a warm enough bottle for her feed. Many excuses about how she hadn't given expressed milk before and it warmed up differently from formula [hmmm]. Then she put dd2 down for a nap and forgot to switch the monitor on, when I discovered it dd2 had been screaming hysterically for god knows how long. She's obviously keen, willing, kind-hearted but I just wonder if she's really got what it takes - plus her English, though OK, is not brilliant and I think half the time her and dd2 just don't understand what the other one is saying. Meanwhile, I'm in my home office trying to work as I have an urgent deadline for a project but constantly having to go in and out to explain things, sort things out, calm things down. Might as well give up work and do it all myself - I would if I could. So basically a rant, but also a cry for reassurance. How long does it typically take for a new nanny to bed in and what can I do to help process? thank you

Do you think part of the problem might be your presense? Not that you have done anything wrong, but two year old might playing up because when she does mummy comes out to play.

Could you either remove yourself or encourage the nanny to leave the house more? Maybe sign two year old up for swimming and she can go with both kids while you work?

As for warm bottle, I never warmed them with baby number two so that he would always drink it cold.

Hi Jujumaman, you haven't given any details of qualifications, experience and what her referee's said about her ability in previous jobs. Without this background knowledge, it's like asking how long is a piece of string...

presence

Have you given her a manual or soemthing explaining everything, like your DD1 having a particular coat etc?

Don't know the answer to your questions, but sounds like teething problems if she's only been there 2 days. How quickly she will settle in surely depends on how adaptable she is...

She's got no qualifications (but don't think they count for much) but about four years experience with various ages including a toddler/newborn combo and all her references were glowing (followed them up on the phone and no one had a bad word to say). She also did a trial day with us before starting, which went well.
I am keeping out of the way as much as possible, eleusis, as you are right, but right now I have to come in to explain things. She is taking them out every morning and afternoon and I hope that will help them all get along. We are compiling a manual together as we go along and I hope that will make things go better ...
As for not warming bottles, sadly tried that and dd2 wouldn't take them cold ever. I think if you're used to bm which comes out at body temp, it's hard to switch back and forward. But think this is a conversation for another thread

Day 2 is still early, it may take a little longer for things to settle down and her to get to grips with your routine. Did she have a handover period with your previous nanny?

juju, can you arrange to not be at home sometimes? Perhaps the toddler is making the association that mum is always home. If I throw I strop I will get to see her. So, maybe try going to a cafe to do some work just before they are due home, and your toddler might learn that nanny is boss even at home.

I recently got a new nanny, and in the first few weeks I was reminded how much work training new ones is. I had taken for granted how departed nanny knew everything and I still had so much to tell new nanny. I was late for work almost every day in the first week or two. She has now been with us for a couple of months and it has settled down.

As for the bottle warming, maybe she is used to amore powerful microwave, or just out of practice, or you bottle is a different shape and takes longer to warm (if in water and not microwave). Who knows?

Then would suggest clear instructions (if necessary some written pointers) with a formal review in a week. Sit down with her (make real time, during her working day and not when it's time for her to go home) and ask if she has any concerns, if she has another way to approach a task etc etc, that way you will be able to understand her reasons and if not satisfactory point out an alternative method and why.

Eleusis, you're definitely right about removing self - for various reasons it's not so easy but I will do it more and more over weeks to come. And it's good to know it's taken other people a couple of months to get embedded. I think you're all right, it is teething problems, but she is very honest with me about stuff she's not used to and obviously very willing to learn, so I am generally optimistic. I think the last toddler/newborn she had were just a hell of a lot more docile than my two as she is completely thrown by baby not sleeping more than 30 mins a stretch and being told "no, go away" by someone who comes up to her knees and even though I assure her both behaviour is normal, you can see she's thinking twice now about having kids of her own. Bottle warming not a big deal - next time she'll know, just an example of kind of thing that constantly goes wrong.