Cannot decide what to do

[ellejay33]

I know this will have been discussed hundreds of times but I am stressing out so much.

LO is 11 months old. I go back to work next month 3 days a week. I am feeling horrendously guilty. I understand most people don't have the luxury of taking a years leave and returning part time, I am very grateful that I can do so.

The 2 main things I am worrying about are:

1. Should I be going back? We can technically afford it if I didn't go back, however I would be using some savings and we wouldn't have any extra money for a holiday or luxuries. I have to go back for 4 months due to the contract I signed but at the minute I am thinking "I will just get the 4 months over with and quit and stay at home and think about work again when he's a bit older". The other part of my brain is thinking I need adult socialising, to use my brain, to contribute to the family financially etc and that it will do me some good to get back to work.

I honestly don't know what to do, I feel so guilty either way.

1. Have I chosen correctly? I have picked a childminder as I thought it would be good to be more home-like as LO is still quite young. I have worked in nursery settings and will definitely send him to one when he's older. Now i'm worrying if I've made the correct decision.

Basically I feel really pathetic and understand all mums who return to work will go through this but every time I think about it I look at him and burst into tears. I'm not usually like this!

I'm in the exact same boat. Due back in March after a year off but with twins my childcare options are limited (and bloody expensive!). I have secured two days at nursery but I'm wondering if I'd rather stay at home than work.

However... I like the idea of having some of my own money, enjoying using my brain again and having some time to be "me" and not just "mum" (as much as I love it!). If I go back to work and end up hating it, I can reassess. But with my career and length of service, it makes sense to give it a go. Whatever happens I'm sure you will pick the right option. Good luck!

@jannier and @itsaboojum thank you for your advice - it’s given me lots of points to consider. I wasn’t aware of the nursery “issues” I always presumed that a nursery would have cover staff similar to a school set up.

I have been in touch with a CM who has had an outstanding ofsted, who may have availability to take on the little man in March. She seems lovely from the communication we have had. Will be visiting her soon so let’s see..

Again thank you ☺️

@twinboymumma hope it all goes well for you when you’re back at work - it’s daunting isn’t it? Especially when you have two little ones..good luck!

@Littlemunchkinsmummy.
Goodluck I'm sure your time away from your lo will mean time together is more special and precious....its the quality of time over quantity that makes memories.

@ellejay33

I think far too much is made of the 'nursery versus childminder' debate when it’s a false dichotomy. A good nursery will be better than a bad childminder, and a good childminder better than a bad nursery.

But I would add that a good combination of the two can work even better. By that I mean a 'shared care' arrangement: rather than switching lock stock and barrel from childminder to nursery in a couple of years, nor just using a childminder for wraparound care.

Do you have a particular reason for wanting to change childcare settings in mid stream?

Always take quality over style, then stick with it.

@itsaboojum no not at all in fact I’d just thought of doing it that way because most people I know had but you’re right. Find a good one and stick with it. Glad I posted here as there’s been a lot of useful info! I haven’t worked for almost a year and between that and hormones I swear I’ve lost the ability to think logically 💕

Most people dont understand the registration requirements for childminders so dont realise its the same. The socialisation argument annoys me like we stay in with 3 children max.....I lead a group singing activity 3 times a week typically 20 plus children the adults are mostly tidying up but all the children aged under 1 to 4 join in ....seeing 20 plus sleeping bunnies is lovely. We stay for group lunch...about 10 children....they line up in pairs to go wash hands we talk about how it will bd in reception for the older ones. All the children are used to at least 5 familiar adults and will seek support from them just like at nursery. They have friendships in the wider group go to parties etc and will know them when they start reception. They self dress can read and write their names...do self registration, hang bags and coats up get themselves drinks all the things included in school readiness. It's just that they know my home and feel part of my family and tend to stay through to secondary school where even then they know they can come in and often do if they had a bad day and parents wont be home for a while.