Care by 16 year old stepsister

[MoranTA]

Hi all, I hope someone can provide some suggestions. My wife and I have a 3.5 year old girl. There is also a 16 year old stepsister from my wifes first marriage. Although the two get on well, the 16 year old has gone through an anorexic, bulemic phase and can be very on edge and has been given to hysterics. She has refused counselling, but is generally calmer at the moment. She is though, more infatuated with her iphone and social media messages than most events going on physically around her. My wife wants to rely on the 16 year old for childcare as she has recently taken up a new part time job. I have said I would prefer to limit the periods to 2 hours, as I am not sure any longer is appropriate. This includes childminding at home and trips to the local softplay area. Am I being unreasonable ? I think the risk is relatively low, but if something were to happen through lack of attention or through any normal accident, I just dont know how the 16 year old would deal with it and then what will happen if authorities were to become involved. Please do you have any perspectves or advice ? Many thanks in advance.

Does the 16 year old want to care for her sister? I really don’t think you should be relying on a troubled teenager to care for a 3 yr old. As you say, an hour here and there for a bit of extra money, fine.

Well, the 16 year old could have her own baby so “the authorities” wouldn’t be fussed I can’t imagine, but the bigger question is if the 16 year old wants to do it or not.

I think it’s not fair of your wife to expect childcare from a 16 year old. She may not be mature enough to 100% understand the responsibility. Yes she is old enough to have her own child but that doesn’t mean anything.

If anything bad did happen the poor 26 year old would be in a horrible position. Even a complete accident.

Nope, sorry but if she isn't fully concentrating on caring for the child then it's an accident waiting to happen.
Way too much responsibility for a 16yr old who has major issues as it is. Ex cm, and looking after kids is not a walk in the park if you are not fully invested in it (it's not a walk in the park at any time tbh)

You need to jump through hoops to be cm for a reason.

Let the 16yr old concentrate on getting well before dumping so much responsibility on her shoulders.

Hi - yes the 16 year old does want to spend time with her little sister. But she has no real friends or circle of friends of her own in the area, so during end of term break, she now wants to spend time with her, which I guess is lovely for them both, but she needs a lot more common sense and practical focus for me to trust her. She has always refused to help with any chores or family preparations of any nature and just walks around with iphone permanently in front of her. This evening she asked to bring her little sister back later than for just the two hours tomorrow and I said ok but she must be back on the dot of 12, to which she had a hissy shouty fit and I said ok then we will leave it at 11.30. Again, if she cant have a calm non-emotive discussion on the terms of the childcare then it does not fill me with confidence...

"The authorities" could very much be "fussed" about a child being looked after by another child. The fact that a 16yo could become a mother is not relevant: she is not the 3.5yo's mum and is not legally able to take responsibility for her.

It would take no more than a concerned neighbour making a phone call. Or if staff at a play centre reported an accident there, they might be inclined to report it to children’s social care services, just to cover themselves. If she had to go to hospital, it’s now standard safeguarding procedure for staff to ask questions about who was caring for her at the time.

There are no legal age limits for babysitting....but should something happen the parents can be prosecuted for neglect.
Childcare is not easy and most 16 year olds dont understand how demanding it is. If she also has her own mental health issues ....eating disorders are included in this. It is another potential cause for concern. Putting additional pressure onto her on top of her education is probably not the wisest move.