First au pair starting in a few weeks - tips to make this successful wanted!

[Weegle]

Our first ever au pair starts in mid-Sept and I'm looking for ways to make it all go smoothly.

I'm thinking I will give her a list with it written on what I expect done every day, and what I expect doing each day once a week. But I don't want this to become "jobs worth" as what's on that list is really the bare minimum I expect.

Is it best I show her HOW I like the, for e.g., hoovering done rather than just say "can you do the hoovering please?".

Do you give them their money in cash at the end of each week?

If you ask them to do more baby-sitting than you have within the contract how much do you pay them?

Any more general tips on making this go smoothly, I'd be very grateful!

I really want her to feel welcome in our home and part of the family, but also not to treat us as a hotel/doormat!

I am in the same boat, its a bit nerve racking, thinking about how to get it right, without appearing to be a pushover or too demanding. A steep learning curve I guess. a friend who has had several au pairs suggested a simple but comprehensive file on the rules and what's expected, I guess if its all writen down its easier.

Good luck

It's good to show her exactly how you want things done. With different cultures, you can't really assume anything. Tell her what you want done daily, and specify the weekly tasks. Don't be too specific about times, because you will need to see what her language class schedule is like.

Yes, pay in cash at the end of the week - Friday evening is a good time, should she want to have an early start on the Saturday. I pay £4 per hour for any extra time (weekends, third babysitting slot).

One of the important things is that your aupair is happy. She'll be happy if she makes friends and goes out. Helping her to make friends is a very helpful - ie help her find a language class, and offer to drive her to meet people for the first time if she is unsure. I'm very happy for my aupair to have female friends back at the weekend, and to stay over. I haven't said too much up front, but it's never been abused - even down to food: anything more than a miserly breakfast, they've always provided their own lunches/supper for their friends (it's a chance for them to make their 'own' food).

If your aupair is taking the piss, then she probably isn't right for you. If a realignment talk results in poutiness, my advice would be to terminate the arrangement asap.

A lot of girls don't know if they are cut out for being an aupair, and when they arrive, they soon realise it is not for them. Don't cut yourself up about this. When it's your first aupair, you have a lot to learn and you will make mistakes.

def have it all written down, including the fact that the list is a starting point and that you will show her what to do.
if you want her to use initiative, then say so, or you are likely to get someone who walks past big mess in the kitchen rather than someone who sorts it.
explain all 'commonly understood terms', what exactly you mean by 'helping out'. this will save lots of anguish later.
don't forget to cover friends/boyfriends, can they come round? when you are in? when you are out? can they sleep over? can family come to stay? and the biggie, computer use. when, where and for how long can she use it for, can she use when looking after the children?
what about how to treat your home? can she help herself to anything - does that include your expensive perfume, and the 20 year old brandy you are saving for Christmas?

Number 1 rule, don't expect common sense. My experience has been very mixed, some
lovely girls I am still in contact with and others I could not wait to see the back of, but overall the best tip is be clear and write it all down.

good luck

great - thanks for the advice. Our house isn't massive, I hasn't really thought about her bringing guests home. I would actually be happier about her having people over when we are NOT here than when we are. What do you stipulate about computer use. My laptop is like my right arm, she'll have a problem getting it off me!! I'm keen for her to socialise and have looked in to the local English classes and volleyball club for her so I think she will get herself a network. I can't believe how nervous I'm getting yet this is supposed to help me!

Now that we have a wireless network, I'm glad that my last two aupairs have brought their own laptops.

We have several PCs in our house, and I am happy for them to use the dining room one, and make this clear to them. I'm pretty happy for them to have MSN, Yahoo IM, etc. I don't think I would be overly restrictive with computer time. It's not costing me anything, and I trust them to not IM when they are supposed to be looking after children.

I au-paired in the dim and distant past. Nothing was written down but I don't remember feeling exploited! My employer did all the household tasks with me for the first couple of times so I could see exactly how she wanted them done - she didn't explicitly explain that that was what she was doing, but looking back on it, it now makes perfect sense! I made beds, hoovered, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, did most of the laundry, and ironed the childrens' school uniform clothing. I also walked the daughter to and from her school - she took the boys to their school. I also did some food shopping and preparation but she did most of the actual cooking. She was separated from her husband and had a boyfriend so she was out two or three evenings a week and I babysat those evenings; that was part of the deal. She paid me in cash each weekend. This is long before the days of laptops but I do think allowing some computer access will be essential now.

I worked abroad as aupair years and years ago and I remember the best place was the one I had a regular language school to go to and could spend my days off out with friends. The worst place was one where I couldn't go to a school as it was far out in the country side and didn't meet any one so was very bored.
I did the weekly jobs and child care related stuff the first time with the mother and then she expected me to be able to do it alone (which I could but can imagine some would need a couple of times before being left)
How old is your aupair?

She's 19, soon to be 20. She seems very down to earth and DH and I are pretty easy going so I'm hoping she'll feel at home with us and therefore not afraid to ask if she's unsure about anything. We have a spare pc - is it worth setting up in her room? We have wireless network and broadband so it's not like it costs us anything extra as you say. It's just there's also a TV in there and I don't want her thinking we've set up her room so she doesn't have to interact with the family - I want her to feel like the whole house is her home not just one room. Although I'd rather she didn't help herself to my drinks cabinet! Also I will be home most of the time so I can easily show her things, spend time with her etc whilst she settles in.

hi weegle! just read you thread and wondered how you and aur pair got on? any hints as I have an au pair starting and any hints useful

The best guarantee of success is to pick the right girl - but it is such a lottery, that this is not something you have full control over.

I am not the best aupair employer - I don't give prescriptive lists, but I imagine that it is really helpful. I have found that most girls already know what the standard au pair arrangement is, and I have felt that it is more appropriate just to let them know what you want done over the course of a week and let them decide when to do it. One of the issues when they first arrive is that you don't know when they will be having language classes, and there is no point in loading them up with work when they are not even at home.

I think it is good if you can spend a day with the aupair showing her how to do the household tasks, with a written summary. There are so many variables - one being culture.

Now to your easier questions ...

Pocket money - mine is officially due Saturday morning in cash. I try to go to the machine Friday afternoon, and if so, will pay then.

I have said up front that I pay £4 per hour for extra hours - this means anything over 25 hours per week, anything at weekends, and the 3rd+ babysitting sessions per week. In practice, with a 15yo DS, he gets first dibs.

Make her room as nice as possible, eg give her decent towels, and put out flowers and candles. Help her with the computer, and allow her access to your private network. Provide a mobile, if she doesn't bring a suitable one - it's in your best interest. Really encourage her to make friends of her own age - not necessarily her own nationality. It makes a huge difference when an aupair has friends.

The biggest zone of contention seems to be meals. You have to decide what is right for your family, as it can be really awkward if there is a mismatch in expectations. You must decide when you would like her to eat with you and when not. If you don't want her to eat most meals with you, you must find a gentle way of breaking this to her.

I found a good list of tips on one of the au pair websites, but I cant remember which one now.
Some of the ones I remember were:
Dont expect her to answer the phone for you, and then forget her phone messages.
Do respect her room and dont just go into it.
Do phone if you are coming home late.

from my own experience, I'd say make sure before you recruit an au pair that they have a realistic idea of what to expect from the job. Eg dont say, hoover and clean bathroom, and then when she arrives add, oh by the way that is the minimum I expect.

my recipe for a happy au pair is:
extra babysitting is paid extra.
2 full days off a week.
no laundry or heavy cleaning.
language classes.
AP paid on time.
own, nice bedroom.
she chooses whether she wants to eat with the family or not.
use of computer/broadband.

Yes she's settled in brilliantly. I feel we stuck gold as I showed her things once and she has just got on with them since. I have not once had to ask her to do one of her set daily tasks. My DS loves her and she even changed a pooey nappy today on her day off, just picked him up and changed him! She goes to college 3 times a week which seems to help. I think it has helped that I wrote down everything that really mattered to us e.g. write on the calendar if you will be out over a meal, we also write on babysitting etc, how long she is allowed on the phone etc. It's working out really well for us so far.